Author: All Things Holy
Email: foxegirl7hotmail.com, feedback is grand
Disclaimer: Oh, you must be joking.
Summary: "She won't quite be able to meet his gaze and he won't quite be able to understand."
Spoilers: None; set at the beginning of season 4
A/N: I'm pretty new to writing in this fandom, and have yet to capture the voices, so once again this is without dialogue. I'm working on it.
She lays, quiet, his hand splayed across her stomach. She breathes, quiet, and runs the scene through her mind.
She'll end up the bad guy because this time she is. Something in his eyes will fade and his breath will catch a little when she's explaining how she hopes he'll understand. They'll be sitting somewhere and she won't quite be able to meet his gaze and he won't quite be able to understand. He won't get that it was less about him and more about a vacancy, an absence, a need to be touched in the moment you let yourself feel broken.
She'll forever change this something-more-than-friendship that has lasted so long and suited her so well. She'll apologize for never being all the things she should've been to him. And as great as the sex was, it won't have been worth it. Because he'll look at her like he never has before; there will be an emptiness behind the blue. Immediately she'll regret the way she let herself use the feelings she knew and long-denied he'd had. It will be her most selfish moment and one of the only things she ever really lets herself regret.
He'll serve her coffee now with no complaints or admonishments. Repairs around her house will be done by strange men she didn't once sleep with in an attempt at making herself feel whole again. The town will notice that the air between them is static. She'll sip from her mug and hate herself; she'll miss him while he stands two feet away.