Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did I wouldn't be here. Me no claim. You no sue. Ok?
"NARUTO! YOU BAKA!"
The scream echoed over the rooftops of the Hidden Village of the Leaf, Konohagakure. There was a brief silence that passed over the busy streets as each citizen, shinobi and villager alike, inwardly grimaced and thought,
"That Uzumaki brat. What's he donethis time?"
It was a tough life for a child to live by himself, hated by all except for a precious few people in the village. He had long since resigned himself to the fact that people hated his very existence and was determined to show them the error of their ways. He would prove the strength of his convictions, join the ranks of the greatest ninja of all time - the Hokages.
Right after Sakura stopped kicking him in the teeth.
What was up with her anyway? All he'd done was say hello. A little morning chit-chat before training with Kakashi-sensei. So how was he supposed to know that Sasuke was going to say something to make her blush? He had just got there. It was probably nothing anyway. Sakura-chan got so googly eyed over even the most mundane comments to pass that Uchiha bastard's lips. I'll show him…
"Naruto, you baka! Can't you see that I'm talking to Sasuke-kun? Sasuke?" Sakura turned around looking for Sasuke but noticed that he had wandered off while she was pummelling the hapless Naruto into the ground.
"Damn! If I hadn't been talking to you I could have still been with my precious Sasuke-kun…Will you just quit it already. I'm not interested in you okay? I never have and I never will. No just simply means no." She punctuated each second syllable with another kick to Naruto's limp body.
"You'll never reach Sasuke's level no matter hard you try so why do you have to keep on picking fights with him? Who can love you anyway? You're nothing but just an annoying , obnoxious, loud, pathetic excuse for a ninja. Sasuke is a hundred times a ninja than you are and he'll always be a hundred times a ninja than you'll ever be. " Turning on her heel, she left calling out for her precious Uchiha dream-boy.
The last thoughts that were going through Uzumaki Naruto's mind was,
A few hours later, Hatake Kakashi appeared in view with a cheery wave.
"Ohayo mina-san, I got lost on the road of life and had to help an old lady across the.. Whuh?" All he could see was Naruto lying in a foetal position in the middle of the clearing slowly oozing blood into the ground. Where was everyone else? Kakashi hopped down from the branch he was and examined the boy for serious injuries.
No pulse…. oh shit.
Naruto awoke to find himself in a dank sewer, walls slick with mildew that dripped what he hoped was water onto his head. Still a little bit groggy, he stumbled to his feet and realized where he was.
"Kuso! What the hell am I doing back here anyway? Last I remember was talking to Sakura-chan. Hang on, why can't I get out of here?". Naruto fumed and looked around angrily as if to lay the blame on the walls around him. The faces of the walls were blank.
[Up already I see…I was wondering when you'd deign to grace me with your presence. Come on up to the seal kid, we need to talk.]the Kyuubi's voice boomed from all around him.
Still grumbling to himself, Naruto made his way up to the seal that imprisoned the Demon Fox and demanded to know what the hell was going on.
[Buggered if I know what the hell is going on either, kid. This is your mind, runt, aren't you supposed to be in control? Anyway I didn't call you to talk about that. The thing is kid, I reckon you're dying and frankly I don't want to die with you. That Sakura bitch really has it in for you huh? Why I..]
"Don't call Sakura-chan a bitch you dumb fox! You don't know anything…"
[Sakura-CHAN is it? Listen kid, if she loves you enough to beat the living snot out of you, maybe you'd better find another girlfriend, lover-boy. Now don't look at me like that, you damned brat. This pre-pubescent angst is really eating you up inside and taking it's toll on your blood pressure. I'd prefer it if we died in battle or something other than something stupid like coronary failure. That would be just EMBARRASSING. Imagine, the incredibly ancient evil youma, Kyuubi, destroyed because his gaoler died of heartbreak. It's got to stop kid and I'm the only one that's going to help you through it.]
"What? You're going to be helping me with my love-life? And just what's in it for you? I'm not going to let you out of that seal just because you want to do a little match-making. I'm Uzumaki Naruto and I'm going to be the greatest Hokage of all time! What makes you think that I'm going to need your help?"
Two timeless pits of ineffable evil just stared witheringly down at Naruto. Those two orbs of crimson bloodlust drilled into the figure standing just beyond the bars of the seal as if wondering if this brat was really this stupid or putting on an incredibly good act. Deciding upon the former, the great demon fox launched into his explanation.
"Just what happened out there Kakashi? It looks like a tree fell on him." Tsunade's voice was inquiring. The injuries were numerous, mainly broken ribs and a broken jaw, it did look like there were repeated blows inflicted to the throat, stomach and groin region. If it weren't for the fact that Naruto had the chakra of the Kyuubi healing him, he'd most likely be dead or in a coma right now.
"How long did you say he was like this Kakashi?" she asked of the jounin.
Kakashi scratched at his head for a moment before answering.
"I had arrived fairly late to the training session I had with my team today and all I saw was Naruto lying in a bloodstained heap on the ground. Neither Sasuke nor Sakura were in the vicinity of the meeting site at the time." Kakashi looked pensive and hesitated before speaking again. "Now that I think about it, it's kind of suspicious for either Sasuke or Sakura to not be there. They're not normally late and that means they probably have something to do with his injuries."
"What would they have to do Naruto lying half dead on the forest floor? You don't seriously think that they'd kill their own team-mate do you? Especially not after all they went through with Orochimaru and the Akatsuki." the Fifth Hokage asked.
"Go find the rest of your team and find out what the hell is going on, Kakashi. I want you to get to the bottom of this as soon as you can."
[So have you got it yet kid? I reckon it's all about mental strength. So she's a bitch and she hates your guts. Just get your mind to ignore the pain and get the hell on with becoming a better ninja. A mind is a very terrible thing to waste kid. Not that you've got very much of one but we'll just have to work around that eh?]
Naruto's glare could have melted rocks.
[Probably the only thing keeping you trapped in here is yourself. If you really want to get out here, then get the hell out of here. And get your thoughts out of the gutter, this place is probably a sewer 'cause your mind is a sewer. Honestly, 'Harem-no-Jutsu'? You want me to help you, then I want better lodgings. What? That damned curse seal is still going to be there, just in a different form. It's your mind. So is it a deal kid? I get a bit more freedom and in return swear not to betray you and I'll even throw in a few lessons for you. Hmm? So what do you say?]
Naruto considered this for a moment before an evil grinappeared on his whiskery face. With a snap of his fingers, the dank cesspool disappeared to be replaced with…
[A DOG-house? You blasted little brat!]