Summary: Severus and Sirius start fighting over a newspaper article. Remus has a migraine and doesn't like the noise at all. Severus finds out just why Remus is being so moody. Sirius finds it out, too, and faints. Two times. In the end, everything is okay - at least if Severus gets some chocolate for Remus SOON....

A/N: Okay. sigh Warnings:

Slash. Mpreg. Multiple partners. RL/SS/SB If any of these disturb you, you still have time to turn around. I HATE flames.

And, about the story... I just wanted to try writing an all-dialogue story, with only a couple of sounds added to the dialogue... Kind of the first chapter of my own fic "New Possiblities," except that this is slash. And threesome. And humor. (Or as humor-like as I'm capable of.)

So, enjoy... Or run away screaming.

The original didn't have the tags of who's speaking, but as people in FA complained that I should put those, I did.

Forever Fighting

Sirius: "Hey, look! Harry's in the newspaper!"

Remus: "Oh, that's nice."

Si: "Nice? Have you gone nuts, Remus? That's bloody brilliant! Can you imagine it? My godson's in the newspaper!"

Severus: "He's been in the newspaper ever since he was an infant. Calm down."

Si: "You just don't understand it, do you, Severus? He's not in the paper for destroying Voldemort this time. He's there because he's an excellent Quidditch player!"

Se: "...Whoever could dare to say that the Boy Who Lived isn't excellent in something?"

Si: "Spoilsport. Harry deserves to be the Captain of his team! He's the best player this country has ever seen, he takes after his father, anybody could see that..."

Se: "Can't you just bloody shut it, Lupin?"

Si: "You're a Lupin too, if I may remind."

Se: "...Oh."

Si: "...Why did we accept both taking his name, anyway? It's not like he's the dominant one."

Se: "You know, Sirius, you maybe have a point. I can't recall any reasons, either."

R: "Maybe because I'm the only one who doesn't passionately hate his family and want to get rid of them and their name?"

Se: "Yeah, that could be possible."

Si: "It's ridiculous, though. I mean, we're three Lupins, residing in the Snape Manor, living off the Black fortune..."

Se: "It's Snape fortune, too. Don't you dare to forget it, you mangy mutt."

Si: "I'm not a mutt... Kitten."

Se: "Shut up, Lupin."

Si: "As soon as you do, Lupin."

R: "Stop it, you two. I'm getting a migraine."

Si: "Don't mess with this, Remus. What have you done to get the right to order us forth and back?"

R: "Well, I don't really know. Other than committing the ritual to pull you back from behind the Veil, saving Severus's life thrice and yours twice in the War, and turning Voldemort into a werewolf so Severus could finish him off, not much."

Se: "...I really hope he won't come back. That stuff really tasted awful."

R: "It's not my fault that he made you drink another goblet before taking the Wolfsbane you'd poisoned. Besides, now you understand what it's like to me every month. Having to go through the transformation, plus having to drink that foul stuff."

Se: "I do understand. And I pity you for it."

R: "I don't want your pity. I want your efforts to make it taste better."

Se: "I've been trying, for Salazar's sake! But you know all too well that sugar makes it ineffective."

R: "What about chocolate?"

Se: "...Why did I see this one coming? ...I wouldn't get my hopes too high about that, Remus dear."

R: "You are such a spoilsport, Severus."

Se: "I know, my love. It's called maturity."

R: "I am mature. Sirius is the immature one. I'm just one day lacking of the full moon, low on Wolfsbane, having migraine, and you two arguing around. It'd be a miracle if I could think about anything else but chocolate."

Se: "You mean, 'high on Wolfsbane?'"

R: "I hope I was, Severus, I hope so. But, you can't get high on that stuff. You only get low on it. If I were high on something, I'd probably be giggling too much to even notice my headache. But, as I'm low on Wolfsbane, it's just getting worse."

Si: "What's getting worse? Your headache or the Wolfsbane?"

Se: "Don't act more stupid than you are, Lupin. Even you have more than one brain cell - or at least I hope so."

Si: "You ought to be careful, Severus. I've heard that speaking to oneself is the first symptom of madness."

Se: "If I didn't respect Remus's feelings too much to do that, I'd kill you right on the spot."

R: "If you did respect my feelings, you'd shut the hell up and let me enjoy silence for a moment."

Si: "But, Remus -"

R: "Both of you, just shut up already!"

Si: "...Fine. No reason to get moody."

R: "I'm not."

Si: "Are too."

R: "Don't even start that with me, Sirius. I'm not on the mood for messing around."

Si: "..."

R: "..."

Se: "Remus?"

R: "Yes, Severus?"

Se: "Is there any change it wasn't just a painkiller potion I've seen you taking the few last weeks?"

R: "...No, it wasn't."

Se: "Figured so."

Si: "Anybody interested in telling me what's going on?"

R: "Well... There's a certain reason why I'm a bit off the edge."

Se: "A bit?"

Si: "Don't, Severus. So, what it is, Moony, love?"

R: "..."

Si: "Come on, tell me. Severus obviously knows already. Why can't you tell me?"

R: "...I'm pregnant."

THUD

R: "He didn't take it very well, did he?"

Se: "I don't know. Is fainting a good thing?"

R: "I hope so. He did, after all, suggest having children just a couple of weeks ago."

Se: "To which you said, 'No,' I recall."

R: "I just wanted to see your reactions. I'd been taking the Fertility Potion for a week already. As he started trying to coax me into it, I saw that he was serious about it."

Se: "I see."

R: "Severus..."

Se: "Yeah?"

R: "You aren't mad at me, are you?"

Se: "Why would I be?"

R: "Well... I took the potion without telling you two, after all... This must be a bit of surprise."

Se: "Rather underestimated, Remus. I am probably just too stunned to say anything. But... Whatever happens, I promise I won't be mad at you for this."

R: "Really?"

Se: "Really. ...I think I've always wanted kids."

R: "Doesn't really look like that."

Se: "Those brats I'm teaching are one thing. Having some children of my own, however, would be an entirely other thing. When we got married, I decided that if only you two'd be willing, I wanted a family. A real family, with a bunch of kids running around."

R: "...Thank you, Severus."

Se: "Never mind."

Si: "...Owww..."

R: "Welcome to the world of living, my dear."

Si: "What happened? My head hurts..."

R: "You fainted as I told you I'm pregnant."

THUD

Se: "How many times he's going to do that, what do you think?"

R: "I hope he won't keep doing it for too long. He'll eventually break something if he keeps falling on the ground."

Se: "That man obviously landed on his head when he was a baby. I don't think anything could harm him anymore."

R: "That's not nice, Severus."

Se: "It wasn't meant to be."

R: "Shut up. It may be either of your kid I'm carrying here."

Se: "I know."

R: "So why do you still continue snapping on him? I'm kind of pregnant to you both, after all."

Se: "Remus, my dear, it's the way we are. We just can't be together without some taunting. It didn't stop us that we got married, now did it?"

R: "...No."

Se: "So why do you expect that this would change one thing in the way we behave?"

R: "If I'm carrying multiples or there are problems with the pregnancy, you'd have to do in the bed between you two only."

Se: "...Good point."

R: "Figured so."

Se: "But, we have done it together before. Without you."

R: "I know. I was just teasing. ...I still hope you'd stop that, it's getting quite disturbing."

Se: "I'll stop as soon as he does."

R: "And he'd say the same if we asked him."

Si: "...I'd say what?"

R: "Sirius! Now, sit before you fall down again."

Si: "I'm not going to fall."

Se: "Are you entirely sure?"

Si: "Of course I am! ...Remus?"

R: "Yeah?"

Si: "Is it true? You're truly pregnant? No kidding?"

R: "No kidding, Sirius. I'm three weeks along now, with either your or Severus's child."

Si: "...That's bloody great!"

R: "You aren't mad at me?"

Si: "Of course not! I've always wanted kids with you."

R: "Severus?"

Se: "I already said this, Remus. You aren't getting rid of me that easily. You're stuck with us - both of us."

Si: "You remembered my existence. I'm impressed."

R: "Don't be, Lupin. Nobody could ignore that smell."

Si: "...I'll kill you."

Se: "Be my guest."

Si: "As you wish."

R: "Stop it, you two!"

Se: "You call that killing, Lupin? Better try harder."

Si: "Shut up, Lupin. Don't make me upset Remus by really killing you."

R: "You're upsetting me now, Sirius. Stop it!"

Se: "See? You can't even open your mouth without upsetting Remus. You'd better face the truth, Lupin. You're nothing but a too big mouth attached to an even bigger ego."

Si: "Shut it, you slimy git."

Se: "Make me."

R: "Stop or I'll divorce you both and abort the baby."

Si: "..."

Se: "...You wouldn't."

R: "Of course I wouldn't. But it made you stop, didn't it?"

Si: "What's wrong with you, Remus? You're nothing like your usual self today."

R: "What's wrong with me? I'm bloody pregnant! It's a full moon tomorrow night! How could I be my usual self?"

Se: "Calm down, Remus, love. Would you like some chocolate?"

Si: "...We still have chocolate?"

Se: "Shut up, Sirius. If we don't have, I'll go and buy it."

R: "Yes, Severus, I'd love some chocolate."

Se: "I'll go and get some, then."

Si: "I'm coming, too!"

Se: "No, Sirius! You stay here and keep company to Remus. We don't want him to be lonely and upset, now do we?"

R: "...I'm not a bloody porcelain doll even though I am pregnant."

Se: "Of course not, dear. I'm just concerned about you. You know very well you shouldn't be alone around the full moon in case your blood sugar runs too low. It'll do no good if you faint and hit your head."

R: "I managed to get on pretty well with just myself for twelve years, thank you very much."

Si: "Is this what Andromeda meant when she mentioned finding you unconscious on the floor about every month during my imprisonment?"

R: "Don't mess with it, Sirius. Just bloody go and get the chocolate for me!"

Si: "...I'm staying."

Se: "And I'm going."

R: "Don't I have a say in this?"

Si: "No."

Se: "No."

R: "Bloody control freaks."

Se: "Nah. Just your concerned husbands. Calm down, Remus. I'll be back in a minute with your chocolate."

R: "...Better be so."

Se: "You can be sure about it."

Si: "Yeah, he doesn't dare to come back without it."

R: "And what was that supposed to mean?"

SMACK

THUD

Si: "...Oww."

Se: "I bet that hurt."

R: "You'll feel whether it hurt if you don't go and get my bloody chocolate right now!"

Se: "I'm going, I'm going..."

Fin