Chapter Seven: Vengeance

Frodo Baggins was not one to seek revenge. Even the deepest of injuries were dealt with by simply overlooking them, as with his reputation for madness. Every so often, though, he exchanged his gentlehobbitly ways for complete idiocy and allowed himself to have just a bit too much fun. And somehow, his cousins' hysterics at the pub the previous night had triggered his "gone much too far" instincts, and he felt that something was going to have to be done. After all, he could not let the fact that they had successfully annoyed him stand for much longer. Getting him drunk was one thing. Stuffing heads in snowdrifts was quite another. Revenge in this case would be inevitable.

Going into his room to fetch his coat, scarf, and gloves, he looked out the window to check the conditions. It had stopped snowing, which meant vision would be clear on both sides, and two and a half feet of snow blanketed the already frozen ground. There would be no chance of either side running out of "weapons", in any case...

Merry and Pippin came to call nearly every day with some odd antic or other, and either Frodo or Sam could always guarantee to be involved somehow; these things were expected of the four. Frodo would just "not be home" when his cousins came trouncing up today. A sneak attack; there would be no escape for anyone (not even himself, unless he could conjure up an attempt, but it really did not matter).

He went outside and climbed the hill that made up Bag End's roof, selecting a hiding spot behind the tree in its center. He then proceeded to stock up with as many snowballs as would fit in his hideout without causing any noticeable spots of missing snow, and sat back behind the tree. From up there, anyone coming up the walk would be in perfect view.

He could see them, but they would not be able to see him. Perfect.


"A human girl? In the shire?"

May Gamgee was finding it difficult to believe her brother. Somehow or other the story of a human girl just "appearing" in the middle of a forest without anything to wear, although surely not something Sam would make up, had its flaws.

"I know, May. But I promise you, it's true. Me and Mister Frodo had breakfast with her, not ten minutes ago. She was lookin' at us awful strange, too. Like she ain't never seen a livin' body before."

"But why--" May looked nervously over at the Gaffer, who disapproved of anything he could not understand. "Why would he take her in like that? Sam--"

"Because Mister Frodo is the gentlehobbit none of us ever could be," cut in the Gaffer. "If he wants to rescue stark naked girls from dyin' that's plum alright with me, so as he don't do anything stupid with them." Sam could not help but notice the faint signs of disgust of on his father's face. "Go on, May, it's not like you need them old dresses anyway."

"Dad--"

Sam interrupted his sister's pleas with a wink. "May...how're you going to see if it's true if you don't come back with me?"

May glared at Sam. She hated when he cornered her like that. And to make matters worse, the Gaffer was on Frodo's side. Although he was right...she did not need her old clothes. And humans in the Shire were about as rare an occurrence as could be. Knowing she was won over, and being kind in her own right, curiosity got the better of her and she rose from the rocking chair where she had been knitting. Sam made to follow her.

"You stay right where you are, Samwise Gamgee! It is not for gentlehobbits to pick out clothing for a lady."

"Since when? I pick out Rosie's clothes for her all the time!"

"Well--" May had no comeback for this, and hit Sam on the shoulder. He hit her back, smirking.

"Cut it out, you two! You ain't kids, so stop behavin' like them," laughed the Gaffer. "And May, I know Mister Frodo won't mind bein' kept waiting, but don't you think it's about time you got them dresses fixed?"

May grinned at her father and brother and went into her bedroom.

"I still say you've lost your minds, all three of you."

May kept old clothing she had outgrown or found too ugly for her liking in a satchel under her bed. She drew the satchel out and opened it. There was a surprisingly larger amount of cloth than she had expected.

Sam had said the girl was Human, which meant, of course, that she was also going to be several feet taller than May herself, so May chose three dresses with the longest skirts she could find. When she had worn them, these skirts had come to just above her ankles; Humans tended to have much longer legs and she was not sure how high up the skirts would come on the girl, but they would have to do. May stood proud at 3-foot-four; this girl was at least a foot taller.

Figuring that the girl would be slim, as well as tall, May decided that alterations would be necessary. Grinning with the satisfaction that even after over twenty years she was still able to be one-up on her little brother, she found her sewing-basket, made sure she had enough fabric, and put the dresses inside. Not wanting to carry it all in one hand, she dumped the remaining contents of the satchel out on her bed and put the sewing basket in their place.

When she walked out into the hall with the satchel, Sam looked at it in awe. "What do you need all that for? It's only dresses!"

May rolled her eyes at him. "Samwise Gamgee, if you aren't the biggest dolt I've ever seen I don't know what is. Is the girl Human or not?"

"Well, yes, she is but...just how many dresses are you bringin' her?"

"Sam. There is more than just dresses in this bag. If I was bringin' her twelve dresses I would still bring my sewing basket."

May's speech was getting her nowhere. It was not Sam's fault; he was not stupid by any means, and she loved him dearly. But sometimes it was a marvel to her how many things had to be nudged in his face before he would notice them. Finally she gave up and pointed out the obvious question. "How tall is she, Sam? Did you even look to see before you came gallivanting down here to ask for my help?"

She smirked at Sam. She'd caught him again. "Well?"

Sam looked confused. "She's about...about...perhaps five feet, I'd say," he said, though he looked doubtful.

"Well then, Samwise, explain to me how she can be five feet tall and still be my size," May laughed at Sam as they both put on their coats and left the house.


Frodo peeped out from his hiding place behind Bag End's tree and grinned. Two little figures were dancing up the walk, taking it in turns to smack each other on top of the head and then run ahead, making the other slam into the person in front. Frodo laughed. He would know those two anywhere.

He leaned back behind the tree as they came within distance of the door and quietly bent down to grasp a snowball in each hand. Then he tiptoed up to the very edge of the roof and squatted down, his arms out directly above the heads of his visitors. It was not very good of a hiding spot, but he doubted he would be seen until he moved. No one ever looked up to the roof.

Meriadoc Brandybuck reached the door first. He stepped up to the door, made a great show of straightening his jacket and standing stiffly with his arms at his sides, and raised an arm to knock on the door three times. Frodo stopped himself from snorting. It was terribly comical, Merry pretending to be stopping by on business.

When there was no answer at the door, Pippin took over. He charged up to the door, pushed his cousin out of the way, and banged on the door with both fists at least eleven times, both Hobbits laughing. Not hearing an answer from this, either, Merry leaned against the door with one elbow and crossed his legs. "It's very rude of him to keep us waiting, don't you think, Pip?"

It was at this very moment that each Hobbit felt something wet, very cold, and soft hit his head squarely in the center.


Frodo had given Emily instructions not to answer the door. This, of course, was something that she would have thought went without saying, partly because she would not know what to say to visitors and partly because she was his guest and guests did not intrude on personal business. He had left without telling her or Sam what he would be doing, so when Merry and Pippin arrived and pounded on the door, Emily sat rigidly at the table, afraid to get up and peer out the window for fear of being seen, although she was itching to see who was coming. She was alone in Bag End, and that bothered her.

She did not have to wait very long. She heard jumbled laughing, voices, and two thuds. There was an annoyed yell, a pause-- then two curly heads zoomed past the kitchen window. A third head followed right behind them. Was that--Frodo?

She was on the verge of getting up to look when Sam walked in with a woman not much shorter than he was and bore a striking resemblance to him, though she was rather plumper and had slightly darker hair. She too had a surprised but good-natured face when she noticed Emily, but unlike Sam she did not freeze in her tracks. Emily thought for one wild moment that it was Rosie, but no, she would have come to breakfast.

"Hullo there, Miss Emily," Sam said. He had remembered her name; she was surprised, but pleased. "This is my big sister May. She's got some things for you from home. But you knew who she was already, didn't you?" he asked, winking at Emily as she and May shook hands.

"Um...actually no," Emily mumbled. "It's nice to meet you."

May softened instantly. "You're a shy one, aren't you?" she chuckled. "What's all this about knowing who I was?"

"I'll tell you later," Emily said as she followed May into her bedroom and May shut the door in Sam's face.


Outside, Frodo's revenge was not going quite as well as he had planned. He should have known it was hopeless to win a two-against-one battle where neither side was able to move very quickly through snowdrifts nearly as tall as he himself.

He had spent the last twenty minutes lobbing crudely packed globs of snow at his cousins, who, although their snowballs were harder and better made, his abnormal lack of weight made him much faster than they were.

The battle had begun immediately after Frodo dropped a snowball on each of his cousins' annoyingly large heads. After Merry and Pippin's initial shock, Frodo had bolted down off the roof, pursued by both. When he disappeared and returned with more snowballs, Merry and Pippin dodged away from him, past the kitchen window, oblivious to the shadow inside. Frodo chased them up and down Bag End, until all three Hobbits were finally running every which way across the walk and around the hill, pelting each other with snow, Merry and Pippin aiming at Frodo and Frodo throwing everywhere. If any curious neighbors had heard the commotion and attempted to look outside, they would have decided that that mad old Frodo Baggins had finally cracked.

"Ooomph!" Frodo, dancing away from Merry while being threatened with an ice chip, tripped and fell smack on his back. Merry and Pippin were on him immediately. Pippin dropped a snowball on Frodo's face, making him cough, then grabbed one of his arms while Merry grabbed the other. Both Hobbits then proceeded to sit on top of him.

Between trying to blow snow out of his face and keep himself from inhaling any, Frodo, pinned immovably underneath his cousins, managed to choke out, "No--no fair--::cough::--you che--cheated! ::cough:: Get--off!"

His pleading was ignored. Each of his captors grabbed an arm and rubbed it up and down through the snow, calling him "Frodo the Little Snow Angel" and drawing a halo in the snow over his head with a stick.

"I think our Frodo looks quite nice this way, don't you, Pip?"

"Oh, yes, ever so much better than before we fixed him!" Pippin pinched Frodo's red cheeks and tickled his nose. Frodo narrowed his eyes.

"Look at him, Merry, he's adorable. Should we take him home with us?"

"Oh, I don't know...he's rather peaky and I really don't feel like sharing."

Frodo glared at them as best he could while lying down.

"I say we just leave him here--oy!!"

Frodo had just yanked himself out of the snow, flinging Pippin off and halfway across the walk, and lunged at Merry, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket and pinning him upright against the door.

"THAT, you little sod, was completely uncalled for!"

Merry simply stood smirking and waited for Frodo to crack up laughing. He did no have to wait very long. Frodo stood glaring at him for another thirty seconds, then relaxed his grip and let go, chuckling.

"You--"

Whatever Frodo had been about to say was prevented and Merry and Pippin each threw another snowball at him, then pounced on him and pulled him down into the snow.


If there was one thing May Gamgee prided herself on, it was her skill at sewing. Emily stood in front of the mirror, goggling at herself in a pale yellow, quarter-sleeve blouse underneath a grey dress with a puffy brown skirt that reached halfway between her knees and her ankles.

May had had to add a foot and a half of fabric to each layer of the skirt and take the blouse in two inches, but all in all the outfit fit quite well, especially with the grey outer corset keeping Emily from sliding around in the blouse. Both girls were rather pleased with themselves.

Looking at herself in this outfit, with her hair combed and pulled into two braids, Emily found it hard to believe she was human; albeit a human in a Hobbit dress. May sat working on the second outfit, smiling as she watched Emily twirl around in front of the mirror like a young child playing dress-up.

Oh, dear, she thought to herself. Poor Frodo will have a hard time keeping himself away from her. I do hope he doesn't do anything rash...

"Arrrggghhh!"

Emily and May turned their heads towards the sound of the laughter and were barely able to make out the shadow next to a tree that was Frodo trapped under Merry and Pippin, who were laughing, mercilessly pelting him with snow while he struggled to escape.

Emily looked both concerned and amused as she looked wistfully out the window.

"Oh, go join them, dear. This won't take me long now I know what size you are. Sam will keep me company, it's alright."

Emily smiled at her and almost ran towards the bedroom door.

"Do try not to scare them when you get out there!" May called after Emily as she bolted out and collided with Sam.

When Emily reached the door, she opened it and stood looking upon the strangest scene she had ever witnessed.

Frodo was pinned to the ground against a frozen tree, struggling to move as two Hobbits stood over him, covering him with snow and taunting him. She had a feeling she knew which two Hobbits they were.

Two against one? Merry and Pippin were about to become very sorry indeed, she told herself. Frodo would not lose. Not if she could help it.


Hey hey, everyone! The interesting things have begun to happen...:-D Okay, another slightly corny ending, whatever! I am not to be blamed...that much...

InterstellarHobbit: I admit I hadn't really thought about that too much...ehhh...but if you look at Hobbits in terms of body size (waist thickness, bust size, etc), and not height, there's almost no difference (at least, I don't think there is...). But since Hobbits tend to be fatter than Humans, even if the skirts are too short the dresses themselves would be a bit big for Emily anyway. And, no, she isn't 8, she's 14 and about 8 inches taller than Frodo, but still not the tallest girl in the world; thought I'd clarify :-). But going back, she wore Frodo's clothes and they fit alright. So somehow, in this story, the size difference works! :-) And you've given me an idea, actually...

HelmsDeep2234: Omg, sorry about that fire! Was everyone okay?? That fall DID hurt! It's actually based on two things, if you're interested :-D When I was in my 8th grade school play, there was a blackout and my (incredibly bitchy) director wouldn't turn on the backstage lights, so when we all piled off the stage guess who tripped and fell headlong over a wooden box and ripped open her leg?? :-D And also, when I was writing that last chapter I was watching Pirates of the Caribbean, and I've always loved the part where Elizabeth's father knocks on her door to wake her up and she trips over her chair when she gets her robe :-) I have issues with these things...

ilfirin912: A new reviewer!!! Yayy!!! lol Thanks so much!!! Glad you like!!! Yeah, common names are sucky, aren't they? I know 4 Emilys off the top of my head as well...only one is my friend but whatever...yes! Elijah could beat Ashton in a hotness/charming-ness/talent match any day! :-) Anyways, please keep reading, and I know this sounds like I'm begging but would you review my other fic as well?

Lady Fae and Crecy: Two more newbies! Thanks so much to both of you!! :-)

Eleniline and Eararadith: Y'all don't get no more thanks yous up in here :-D Since I get to thank you in person like every day :-) I worship the IM god with you ::sighs happily:: (plus the fact you both are two of my bestest friends in the world and I go to your houses a lot) This is the last time you'll be mentioned up here!!

See guys? That was only, like, a week this time...you can't say I didn't deliver!!!

The fact that I only wrote this so Eleniline would do her homework on time is beyond the point. I myself had Evanescence to keep me going. Hah.

Okay. I changed my penname. I'Haldaandir got boring :- So, I am now evil.chicken...hobbit.girl...thingy(except with underscores where the ... is)!!! Wooo!!! ::runs away because people are laughing::

School started on the 1st and I am officially a HS freshman now!!!! GO PENGUINS!!! Btw this means I get no computer time ::cries:: so this will be the last update until...I dunno when...but the next chapter will have the conclusion of le snowball fight, where it will now be two-on-two. Who wins, I wonder? So you have something to look forward to, at any rate. :-)

I love you all, you guys have been so good to me! much love until next time! ::blows kisses and skips away::