Disclaimer: LotR is Tolkien's. PPC is Jay and Acacia's. "Bound by Desire" is Swilite's. See? We own naught.Bound by Hatred
"What is that?" Megan asked.
"Uh . . . A visitor."
Megan peered into the cage that Elanor had dragged through the portal. "Is that a 'Sue?"
"No. . . Yes . . . It's just a little one. Can we keep her?"
"Can we keep her? Please?"
"No! We're PPC! We kill 'Sues!"
"But still . . . Please?"
"She's mine." Elanor looked very putout. "I wrote her when I was a kid, and didn't get round to destroying her because the story is vaguely original. It's just her."
"I was going to . . . play with her. Make her less 'Sueish." Elanor looked up at her partner a very evil grin on her face. "Y'know, like I'm sure if I cut off her hair it'd grow back real hobbity, and her eyes . . ."
"Whoa, stop there. Please. Alright, keep her, but if you get caught I didn't know."
Elanor smiled, her eyes twinkling. "Of course, Megan, ole buddy, ole pal."
Megan lowered her head into her hands. What have I done She thought desperately.
Elanor dragged the cage into a corner, and covered it with some of the posters in Megan's pile. "Megan, where's my poster of Kurt gone?"
"What poster of Kurt?" Megan asked innocently.
"The one that was here, where there now is a picture of Legolas. Another picture of Legolas."
"You must be seeing things, Elanor. There never was a picture of Kurt there. And look; the pile of posters hasn't shrunk, apart from where you've taken pictures and put them over the cage that-isn't-in-the-corner."
"Hmm. . ."
Luckily the argument-to-be was interrupted by the now familiar sound of:
Elanor glared at the console that was sitting innocently in the corner, before making her way over to examine the screen. Scanning through the words of the fic she snorted several times, before laughing out right.
"Oh, Megan, my love, my precious, you are going to adore this. Truly, you are."
Megan followed her partner's footsteps to the console and followed the words. Slowly but surely Megan's face turned redder and redder, and she started to develop a twitch.
"Uh . . . Megan, are you all right?" Elanor said nervously, backing off in case Megan exploded any time soon.
"Never felt better." Megan growled through clenched teeth. "All ready to go then? Good, good. I guess we'd better be humans, I very much doubt we'll get away with elves in that . . . thing."
Elanor, lulled by Megan's non-murderous response grabbed her and Megan's bags. "No point in weapons." She said, dully. "No 'Sues to kill."
Megan smiled an evil smile. "Oh, I don't know. We'd better take them in case we get attacked or something. You never know! After all, Boromir is king, so that could mean he took the ring. Or something. Which would mean there is still evil stuff lingering."
So pleased was Elanor to take up the familiar weight of her quiver and dirks on her belt, she failed to notice Megan cursing Aragorn and Boromir under her breath. Although cursing may be an understatement.
"So, we going, then?" Elanor asked, joining her friend.
"Yes." Megan said, opening a portal for the pair.
They emerged by Fangorn. Elanor took a copy of the words from her bag, and scanned through. "Uh . . . Megan? I think I may have to steal your glasses for a while."
"What? Why? You don't need glasses."
"Um, yeah I do! I had glasses in year three. And you really don't want them."
Megan scanned through her copy of the words. "Says who?"
"Me. Come on Megan, give me the glasses. Do you really, really want to creep Legolas, Aragorn, and everyone else in that camp out, not to mention me, and endanger our lives in the process?"
"How would that work?"
"With you, anything is possible. Now please, give me the glasses."
Megan gave a great show of sighing before giving the glasses in question to Elanor. She carefully "forgot" to remind Elanor that she could see things that were near-by without them. It would just mean she'd need to get closer to Legolas . . .
Elanor grabbed the collar of Megan's top and pulled her into behind some trees.
"What was that-" Her words were silenced by Elanor's hand, which covered her mouth.
"Legolas and the guards." Elanor whispered into her ear.
The two girls stayed quietly behind the trees until the men and their prisoner had passed. Then they began to creep after them as well as they could.
"Damnit." Muttered Elanor, as she detangled her hair from a bush for the fourth time. "Any one would think this forest is alive . . ." Realising where they where, and what she had just said, Elanor exchanged a glance with Megan, who rushed over, and started to yank free Elanor's hair.
"What do you think I'm trying to do?"
Eventually Elanor was free, though she had left an awful lot of her hair in the bush. By this time the guards and their prisoner had passed on, so that the pair could no longer see them.
"What do we do now?" Megan asked.
"Head to the border." Elanor decided. "Then go in what ever way we were heading just now."
"Left." Megan informed her.
"Yeah, that way."
"You really should now left from right now, you know that."
"Not my fault. Dyslexic tendencies, remember? Actually, does that count for not knowing left and right? Maybe I can blame Autism for that one." Elanor realised that Megan had started off without her. "Hey, wait for me!" She called, jogging after her friend.
Eventually the pair made it to the outskirts of the camp, just in time to see Legolas being escorted to the tent.
"Well, that was pointless." Elanor said, sitting down next to Megan. "Why didn't you just take us to where they leave tomorrow?"
Megan shrugged. "It's the beginning of the fic."
"Meh." Elanor lay back. "Is there any point in moving somewhere we're less likely to be found?"
"Nope. Canon characters can't see us, remember?"
"Yeah, but this lot ain't exactly acting in character, are they? King Rapist!Boromir… Gay!Aragorn the Steward of Gondor… Am I the only one finding something wrong there? Oh yeah, and Young!Innocent!Legolas. Bah."
"We'll be fine here." Megan said, patiently.
"All right, all right. Good night then." Elanor yawned.
"Uh huh. Good night." Megan rummaged through her bag and found her sleeping bag before rolling up in it, and going to sleep.
"Ah . . . cold . . . wet . . . stiff . . . not good!"
Megan was woken in the early hours of the following morning by Elanor's moans.
"Well, serves you right for being to lazy to find your bedding."
The new, very dishevelled Elanor stuck her tongue out at Megan, before resuming her moaning. Megan sighed, and pulled herself from her sleeping bag.
"Come on. As we're awake now, and it's light, we may as well get up. Anyway, knowing this type of writer that lot will be off at dawn."
"Actually, she, or he, never says. 'Morning came' is all we have."
Megan turned around to look at the human campsite. "Well, by the looks of it they're just about to go."
"Ah well. We can go back to sleep, and then use the plot holes to catch up with them."
"I hate to tell you this, but I think we may have a problem there."
Elanor sat upright, quickly. "What?"
"We may have a problem there. Very few plot holes."
Elanor let herself fall over on her back. "Nooooooooo!" She cried.
"Hush! Someone will hear you."
"It doesn't matter. I'll die anyway. They're on horses! How the hell are we meant to keep up with them?"
"By running very fast."
"Kill me now."
Luckily the riders were keeping their horses 'as a very lowly speed', so the girls didn't fall too far behind until about mid-day. They were able to follow the horse prints to their quarry, though, so they never lost the trail. Arriving by the camp that the men had set up at about mid-night they had no chance to see Aragorn tend to Legolas's wounds. Apparently, despite the fact he was no longer in line for the throne, he still lived with Elrond. The pair of them collapsed a little way from the camp, and went straight to sleep.
The next day Elanor and Megan rose late, which maybe wasn't too surprising. Megan was the first to wake.
"Elanor? Elanor!" She called into her friend's ear, shaking her. "Elanor, wake up, you sloth. The men have gone!"
"'M no' slo'; 'm bear, an' 'm hibe'natin'." Elanor grumbled, which roughly translated means: "I'm not a sloth; I'm a bear, and I'm hibernating."
"A very small bear then. Come on!"
"All right, all right, I'm up." Elanor peeled herself from the ground, and unsteadily stood up. "Look, why don't we just portal to where ever they are, and keep going from there?"
"I'm sure we're not meant to, but if we don't then we're going to lose them, so I guess we better had."
The pair arrived near the riding party just in time to see Boromir give a 'coy smiled' to Aragorn. Both of their faces contorted into a confused look as Boromir briefly turned into a fish.
"What happened there?" Elanor asked.
"The author can use a spell checker, but can't get it beta'd." Megan told her.
"Well, I suppose her writing is one hell of a lot better than the others' we've come across so far, so we should be thankful."
The pair soon stopped talking to resume their jogging after the "King", and his followers. They did quite well, and managed to keep up for most of the day. Which, on this day, was a bad thing.
As Aragorn hit Legolas for the second time (they had missed the first) Elanor dived at Megan, just in time to stop her running forward and hitting Aragorn back.
"Sometimes, Megan," Elanor panted as she tried to hold her friend back. "You are just too predictable."
Predictably, Megan's only response was a glare. Elanor took this to mean that it was safe to let her go, and did so.
Elanor and Megan arrived by the camp that Boromir and his men had set up only an hour after them. Again, they slept straight away, but this time they woke only shortly after the group in front of them. The morning passed uneventfully, but both girls were happy when Boromir stopped in the afternoon.
Elanor and Megan both flopped down just outside the main camp. Elanor dug in her bag for her copy of the words, and began to scan for a good place to confront the characters.
"Y'know, what I don't get, is Legolas "can feel the cold, and stuff like that", but he has elven healing."
"Don't ask, Elanor, just don't ask. It's convenient for the author to let Legolas feel cold."
There was no time for an answer from Elanor, as, at that moment, the people in front began to move on again.
Suddenly the afternoon changed into morning again. Megan sagged.
"What on Earth?"
"Oh damn… The author forgot to put in a night, methinks." Elanor said, as she read through the words.
They had no more time to complain, but were forced to run on. By midday, Elanor had had enough. She dropped down to the ground, and began to bite at her top.
"What are you doing?" Megan asked, turning back round to Elanor.
"Getting rid of these damn sleeves." Elanor said, through a mouthful of shirt. A couple of minutes later she stood up again, the sleeves of her top torn off. "That's better." She sighed, as she stored the rest of them in her bag.
"You're going to be in trouble when we get back to headquarters." Megan warned Elanor as they started to jog again.
"Bah, I'll live."
"And what if we have to go to Caradhras, or somewhere similar."
"I'll be too cold."
Megan shook her head. Sometimes there was no reasoning with Elanor.
As the days passed Megan began to find the monotonous routine boring, while Elanor happily settled into it. They would wake up as the sun rose, woken by the morning light, and then eat, or talk, while waiting for the company they were following to rise, and then jog after the horses. The only break from this was one day when, listening to the words spoken between Legolas and Aragorn, and reading the copy of the words, they discovered a Mini-Balrog: Thranduill. Slowly but surely, as their bodies grew used to them running every day, they found themselves reaching the campsite closer after Boromir. Finally, another unidentified amount of days after, they actually managed to keep up with the horses all day, but they were still extremely glad when Boromir took his men into a small village.
Megan, looking at the gates, and then looking down at her copy of the words, which she had got out of her pack, pursed her lips, and then said:
"Hmmm. . . I have a plan."
Nightfall found the pair hidden in the attic of the inn that Boromir had taken his men to. Megan was crouching on the ground, rocking back and forwards, her hands over her ears, and her eyes clenched shut. Under her breath she muttered: "Lalalalaa, I can't hear you, lalalala, you are a fish…"
"I don't know why you need to do this, Megan, it's just a kiss." Elanor said, laying out her bedroll. There was no response, so she sighed and began to climb down from there hiding place.
She crept round the inn as quietly as she could, until she found the room that Aragorn and Legolas were sharing. When Elanor found it she went in. Legolas and Aragorn were too engrossed in each other to notice the door opening and closing for no apparent reason, neither did they notice her scribble down something in a notepad, and then vanish again.
Back in the attic Elanor prodded Megan to get her attention.
"It's all right, you can stop that now."
Megan let her hands fall to her sides, and she stood up, and stretched. "What did you say?" She asked.
Elanor rolled her eyes. "You can stop that now. You know, I'm not sure I needed to see that."
"Well, we've recorded it anyway."
"Cough, I've recorded it, cough."
Elanor gave up, and lay down on her bedroll. Megan, however, began to clamber down from the attic. "Where are you going?"
Megan shrugged. "We're running out of food."
"I'm going on a food hunt."
Another night was spent in an inn, or in Megan and Elanor's case: an attic, and then nights began to be spent outside again. Megan was extremely glad to find Legolas taken from Aragorn's care, until Elanor pointed out what his new guards did to him. Megan and Elanor were easily able to keep up with the horses now, not just because they had become more fit, but also because Legolas, who wasn't being fed by his captors, was slowing down the pace.
Several nights later, Megan was sitting with her back against a tree, gazing at the moon, and thinking how to keep Legolas and Aragorn apart, when she noticed Aragorn go over to the horses. Due to over amount of reading of the words, Megan didn't need to look at her copy to realise what was, well, had happened. She stood up, gritting her teeth, and walked over to where the ranger had gone. As he began to come back into focus, she grinned, and walked a couple of steps closer. The grin faded, as the pair got far to interment for her liking (i.e., in this case, or fic, as the case may be, touching), and she began to think through the plans she had been thinking of before. As memories started to return a grin crossed her lips once more, and she slipped off to the campfire where Aragorn's companions were sitting or lying.
Crouching on the far side of the group, she called: "Aragorn!", trying to deepen her voice so it could be mistaken for a man's. She smiled, satisfied, as Aragorn turned his head to the fire, and away from Legolas. Her job done, Megan slipped back among the trees and returned to where Elanor was sleeping.
The following night they arrived at Minas Tirith. Elanor and Megan followed Boromir's company through the levels; until Legolas was handed into Aragorn's care once more. Then, as the company split, they followed him and the elf, creeping into a mercifully empty chamber beside Aragorn's.
Megan dumped her bag on the floor, and then flopped onto the bed. "Elanor, there is no way we can let this happen." She said, loudly.
Elanor yawned. "Well, if you have an idea, good for you."
"I know perfectly well what I need to do."
"What's that?" Asked Elanor, stifling a second yawn.
"The same as last time." Megan smiled wickedly.
"Ye Gods, Megan, it's too late to do stuff like that. I just want to sleep!"
"But we need to do something!" Megan wailed.
"Quite frankly, Megan, I don't care. I don't care if the PPC rip me to shreds for doing this, but all I am doing now, is sleeping." Elanor reinforced her statement by glaring at Megan, before curling up on a chair, wrapped in a blanket.
Elanor woke late, to find Megan sitting on the edge of the bed, and mumbling about something, probably the stupidity of slash writers, and how they all should be burned in hell, especially ones by the name of Elanor Gilmor.
"I love you too." Elanor said, uncurling. "Bah, I'm hungry." There was no response from Megan. Elanor stood up and prodded her. "Are you alive?" Megan looked at her. Elanor took a step back, so evil was the glare sent in her direction. "Whoa . . . Don't kill me."
Finally Megan smiled. "Hmm… I'll need a good reason not to."
"Uhhh… Elanor backed back to where their bags were lying, and emptied them on the floor. "Our last bit of food?"
"What is it?"
"A half dead chocolate bar."
"What do you suggest then?"
"Finding the kitchens, and finding us some food?"
Elanor grinned wickedly. "Easy peasy."
Maybe an hour later Elanor managed to find the kitchens, after taking Megan on a detour of several chambers where they shouldn't have been, the houses of healing, and the stables.
"Dud dah!" She announced proudly, pushing the door open.
Megan laughed. "Elanor, what's wrong? This is the right room!"
"Really?" Asked Elanor, turning round to look in. "Hah! See, told you it would be easy."
"We have no food yet."
Elanor thought for a moment. "I have a plan." She walked happily into the kitchens, wandering around until she found a pretty looking cook. Perching on the table behind the cook she began to flirt with her outrageously, and not only managed to find the pair more food then they could possibly eat in several days, but a date as well. Even if it was one that she didn't intend to turn up to. After all, if Aragorn could flirt with the cook and get food, there was no reason why Elanor couldn't. That was her reasoning anyway.
Loaded with all the food, Elanor sauntered out of the kitchens again, only to almost bump into Aragorn. Megan grabbed her friend by her collar in time to avoid the collision.
"Phew, thanks." Elanor said, tipping half of her load into Megan's arms. "Well, that's our trip back." She peered back into the kitchens, and laughed. "I bet that cook will be a tiny bit big headed by the end of the day."
"What? Why?" Megan asked, confused.
"Well, she's been flirted with twice in a matter of minutes."
Megan peered round the door as well, until she realised what Elanor meant. "Elanor!"
Elanor shrugged. "It worked."
When Aragorn reappeared, similarly loaded with food, the pair followed him through the corridors, back to where they had slept, enduring the company of Boromir along the way, and his questions on elves.
There was a feast that night, to celebrate the return of Boromir. Needless to say, Elanor and Megan found themselves a comfortable corner, and spent the feast eating some of the food that Elanor had scrounged off the cook, and flicking most of the rest at the Gondorian nobles; especially Boromir and Aragorn.
When the tables and chairs were taken away, and sofas appeared from no where, one almost squashing Elanor and Megan, they instead claimed the sofa that had appeared on their corner as their own, and began to flirt with the nobles instead, counting kisses, meaningful glances and other responses in a more complicated version of Gimli and Legolas's orc counting game. They had got to: Megan: Kisses: 4, Meaningful glances: 16, Other Responses: 17; Elanor: Kisses: 2, Meaningful glances 13, Other Responses: 20, when Boromir released Legolas from where he had trapped him in his embrace, and gave him once more into Aragorn's care. Excusing themselves from their latest victims, Elanor and Megan followed Legolas and Aragorn, and into Boromir's chambers.
"Finally, we reach the end." Elanor muttered, searching her bag for a book.
"What do you think is heavier?" Megan asked, holding out a hardback copy of the Silmarillion in one hand, and a paperback copy of all three Lord of the Rings in another.
"This one!" Elanor said, dragging the complete guide to Middle Earth from her bag. Megan' eyes bulged. "Although I'm not sure I can use it. It's not exactly a Tolkien book." Elanor sighed, ignoring Megan's stare completely. "And to think I carried it all this way." She dropped it to the floor, causing Legolas and Aragorn to look around for the cause of the noise, and handed the adventures of Tom Bombadil to Megan.
"What's this for?" Megan asked.
"Legolas." Came the reply, muffled by bag, as Elanor searched for her hardback copy of the Lost Tales.
Megan smiled, a true, kind smile. "Ah, yes, of course."
While they had been picking books Boromir had arrived, and "pulled Legolas to his feet" claiming "his mouth possessively, sampling what was his to taste and enjoy". When Megan redirected her gaze onto the pair, she growled possessively, and walked forward, pulling them apart.
"By the good name of Tolkien I condemn thee to leave." She said, tapping Legolas on the head. The elf vanished, much to Boromir's confusion.
Sighing at Megan's rash movement, Elanor turned to Aragorn, hitting him with the Lost Tales, and crying the same words. The ranger also vanished, to where ever he was meant to be.
Megan was the first to reach Boromir. She had picked the complete guide to Middle Earth up, and was hitting him hard, repeating "By the good name of Tolkien I condemn thee to leave" over an over to no effect. Elanor walked over, and hit Boromir with her book as Megan said it for the fifth time, and Boromir vanished.
"I feel kind of guilty, now." Elanor said, looking where the man had been moments before.
"Why on earth would you?" Megan asked, returning the books to the bags, and handing Elanor hers.
"Well, he might be going to Amon Hen…" Elanor trailed off, staring at the bed behind Megan. She smiled, and waved. "Hello!"
A very, very confused Steward of Gondor looked back at her. "Who are you?"
Megan turned to look at Denethor. "We're under the bed fairies." She informed him.
"And we've completed the routine inspection, so we'll be going now." Elanor added.
Megan nodded. "Fare well, and beware of fire." She took the "portal thingy" from her bag, and stepped out the window.
"As she said." Elanor said, following Megan, leaving a very confused Denethor alone. The pair seemed to have that effect on a lot of people.
Arriving back in their office, Elanor found Megan reading a piece of paper.
"Ooh, what does it say?" Elanor asked, leaning over Megan's shoulder.
"We have mail." Megan informed her.
A good while later the pair found themselves leaving the room with a couple of mini-Balrogs in tow, and a life-sized Legolas cut out.
"We have no room, Megan." Elanor said, referring to the cut-out.
"But, but, but, it's Legolas." Megan argued, trying to do the puppy-dog eyes on Elanor.
Elanor rolled her eyes. They were both as stubborn as each other.
"And people have been expecting it. It's my peseta resistance." Megan added.
"If I trip over it I'll use it to create a bonfire to burn the next 'Sue on." Elanor told Megan, in her special way of saying: "Damn you for being so stubborn."
"YAY!" Megan screeched, bouncing down the corridor, much to the annoyance of her new mini-balrog: Thranduillion.
Elanor had been much kinder to her Elessar?or, whom she had released from his travelling box.
A little while later the pair were annoyed to find themselves lost. Finally, Megan, while being prodded by Elanor, knocked on the nearest door.
"Uh, hello?" She asked, nervously.
Elanor and Megan? A sound… sounded.
"Uh, yes?" Elanor answered.
Ah, just the two I wanted to see. Or rather didn't. Come in.
Elanor and Megan exchanged glances, and Elanor took Megan's place at the door, opening it a crack and looking inside. Immediately, she slammed it shut again.
"Actually, I don't think we want to."
"Why not?" Megan asked.
"Uh, it doesn't matter."
Come in, NOW!
Megan pushed Elanor out of the way, and opened the door, to reveal a cartoon-like, Venus fly-trap-like plant.
"Hello." Megan said to it.
Leave the Mini Balrogs outside.
Megan nodded at the plant, and placed the box containing Thranduillion by the door. She kept a tight hold on her cut out, though. As she went to enter the room Elanor darted in front of her.
"I thought you didn't want to come in?"
"I, uh, changed my mind. Anyway, I'm not leaving you alone with him." Elanor glared a pointed glare at the plant.
It's nice to know my reputation gets around.
"No, it's not that." Elanor said. "I did a performance of Little Shop of Horrors when I was fifteen."
Ah, of course, how could I forget? But, Megan, you will not know. I am Audrey the Ninth.
"Feed me!" Elanor said, mockingly. "Please whatever they offer you; don't feed the plants."
Indeed. But that is not why you are here.
"Right-o, we're here because we got lost in the labyrinth that is the headquarters."
No, you're here because I need to address a few complaints that I have received.
"They began what they came here to do, which was essentially to eat…"
If you do not stop that I shall get angry!
Normally there are very few things that will shut Elanor up when she hits sarcasm mode, but it appeared that an angry Audrey the Second plant is high up on the list.
Anyway, as I was saying: We have received a complaint. You have been caught not sticking to the rules. Flirting with characters, be they named or not, acting on things which have not happened yet, and causing great confusion among departments. Oh, and also, you should not use the elven disguises as much as you have. The reasons you have given for using them are hardly good ones.
"Not our fault…" Elanor muttered. "If we were given better training…"
YES IT IS YOUR FAULT! Audrey the Ninth bellowed. Stop making excuses. Now go! And do not make these mistakes again… Or you may met the same fate as your character…
"Actually, I was Chiffon. She doesn't get eaten."
The two assassins fled. Slamming the door behind her, Elanor leant against it. "Three exclamation marks. Isn't that a few more than a sane man should use?"
Elanor's AN: Umm… Sorry. Many apologies to all we have insulted, etc. We're just over enthusiastic newbie's… Don't kill us, please? Anyway, I also have to apologise for the length of time between updates… I managed to delete out original copy of this chapter, and can be a slow writer. In fact, I am a slow writer. Sorry, again!
Megan's AN: I HATE THAT STORY, ITS BAD BAD BAD BAD. I really hate slash, well actually I don't mind other slash, I just hate LOTR slash, especially ones with Legolas in it, nothing to do with my little obsession with Legolas I assure you. Anywho, that fic was awful, I feel sorry for Elanor, or rather her laptop as, when reading this story in front of her I kept bashing my head into the keyboard. It made me growl lots. Poor ickle Legolas