We're sorry for not updating in such a long time, we haven't attempted to find our groove inawhile. But here it is: fresh off the press-- the long-awaited sixth chapter of the Pokemon Story Nintendo didn't want you to see. Pokemon Uncut: the Uncut version continues.
Signed: a crazy hobo & the co-author
Chapter 6: Ash's First Battles
"Dude, Gary, your Poke'mon's a woman," Ash jeered. "Crying like a leaky faucet."
Gary nodded, and went over and smacked Squirtle on the head. "Shaddup, whiny bitch," he said.
"Don't hurt him!" Misty protested.
Ash smacked Misty on the back of the head. "Shaddup, bitch," he said. "I have the dick, so I make the rules."
"Where? I couldn't find it last night," Misty retorted.
"OOOOOOOH" Gary yelled. "Flamethrower burn!"
At this point, Pikachu did something seemingly perverted. It walked up to Ash, stood on tiptoe, and peered intently at his crotch. It began to touch Ash, who by this time was getting very nervous. Why was Pikachu acting gay? Pikachu continued to poke and prod Ash, and then turned around to the surprised faces of Gary and Misty. Then it shrugged, flipped Ash off, and socked him in the balls.
"Hey, fuck you!" cried Ash. "And your couch!"
"Why do you want to fuck a couch Ash?" mocked Gary.
"Because-" Misty cut Ash off.
"He's an idiot, so don't question his lack of IQ."
"Yeah don't question my-" Ash shut up when he realized that he was burned again.
Pikachu continued to sit in the background, stretching his angry finger.
He hadn't expected the punch to hurt so bad, but for some reason, all his knuckles were flaming sore. Maybe Ash really DID have nothing there, and Pikachu punched bone.
"Uhhh . . . my balls . . . my balls." Ash whined.
"Dude, shut the fuck up. In your case, the pain is all in your mind," Gary said. "You want real pain? Try fucking a cheerleader who doesn't know what she's doing and thinks your dick is a lollipop."
"Uh . . . why? Lollipops are licked, caressed and sucked on all the time," Squirtle said, puzzled.
"Don't forget the chocolate in the middle. You have to bite the thing for that," Gary reminded him.
"OH FUCK!" Squirtle shouted, rolling on the floor.
"Can we change the subject, please?" Misty requested. "I know who you're talking about. She's a bitch."
All of a sudden, there was a blast within the Pokemon center. The group spun around to find three figures standing before them in gay ass tights. One was a girl with a skirt so short it seemed nonexistent, the second one was a Meowth, and the third……well he's just gotta be gay.
"Oh wow, that guy with the Pikachu is HOT!" chirped the gay dude.
"Bwuahahahahahahahahahahahaha," laughed Gary. "At least someone thinks so Ash!"
"Shut up!" cried Ash. "You, gay guy with the rose……..EAT ME!"
"YAY!" replied the gay guy with excitement.
"Shut up bitch!" demanded the girl with…..an extremely small skirt.
The Meowth looked at Misty with wide eyes, and drool pouring out of his mouth, "MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK, MUST FUCK!"
Squirtle and Ash quickly got in-between Misty and Meowth, with their arms folded.
Both shouted with anger, "SHE'S MINE ASS HOLE!"
"What do YOU mean by mine?" demanded Squirtle.
"No no no, what do YOU mean?" retorted Ash.
Misty cleared her throat, "I belong to the one with the micro-dick."
"Well, I know she's not mine," laughed Gary.
While Squirtle and Ash bickered, Meowth bolted for Misty's leg and began to hump it. Pikachu's only response was flipping off the entire group.
"Get back here you horny feline fuck!" the girl yelled. "We need to do our motto."
"To display our talents of masturbation!" Jessie yelled.
"To unite all those who have castration!" James cheered in a high-pitched faggoty voice.
"To denounce the evils of seventy kinds of happy pills!" Jessie said.
"To extend the reach of our Wills!" James crowed, banging his crotch.
"Ow!" Meowth shouted.
"Team Rocket, ready and raring to blow and suck!" Jessie shouted.
"So, surrender now or prepare to fuck, fuck, fuck!"
Meowth chimed in lamely from up Misty's skirt. "Meowth! I'm stuck!"
"PIKACHU! Bong me!" Ash yelled, wasting no time.
Pikachu acted without delay. The new shipment arrived yesterday, and the hemp was fresh. Pikachu sparked a bong alight, tossed it to Ash. Ash took a long draw off the bong. He continued to draw and draw, until there was nothing left on the bong.
"What the Hell?" Pikachu said.
"Dude, do your wave goodbye and shocky-thingie now," Ash said. "It just looks a lot fucking cooler when I'm stoned off my ass."
Pikachu shrugged his shoulders, used his mighty angry finger, and began to charge a blast of epic proportions.
"Oh, you are so sexy when you're stoned Ash!" squeaked James, rubbing his nipples.
"Oh Christ!" shouted Gary in disgust. "Pikachu, just shock their asses and be done with it!"
"Wait! Wait! Get me outta here!" Meowth yelled.
"Fuck this shit," Misty said. "This just proves it: cats are bitches." She yanked Meowth out from under her skirt. "Practice on the skank with the short skirt, THEN come talk to me," she added. "Even Ash is better than you."
"YES! I'M KING OF THE WORLD!" Ash yelled, finishing his second bong.
Pikachu rolled his eyes, and finally shocked Team Dildo- I mean Rocket into submission with a thunderous blast of……pain.
"TEAM ROCKET'S JERKING OFF AGAIN!" the three screamed as they blasted off.