Song of the Newbie Fan





I borrowed a DVD from a friend

(Who has a green doggie purse)

And on it was this neat cartoon show

That with laughter made me burst.



After watching three or four episodes

I think I've become obsessed.

I would like to express my love for Zim

But which way would be the best?



I could buy all of the cool merchandise

But Hot Topic creeps me out.

I could draw pictures, but I suck at art--

I can't even draw a cloud!



But what about this fan fiction stuff

I've heard a little about?

It sounds like fun! I could try my hand

At putting my writing out.



I'll make my story a juicy romance

'Cuz Zim sooooo needs a girlfriend!

Someone who's ever so perfect for him,

A sweet Irken I'll call Wen.



And--I know! Her SIR could hook up with GIR

Now that would be really sweet!

He'd make for her some taquito things

With a lot of extra meat.



But what about Dib? He's real lonely too

He needs some loving kindness.

How about a girl with a tragic past

And temporary blindness?



And oh! the Tallest must have girlfriends too,

Some smart and thin and tall ones

Who have names like Amethyst and Cherry

And bright eyes shaped like almonds.



My fanfic will be so wonderful

I know people will love it

And if they don't, well, they're just jealous

So I'll tell them to shove it!







Long A/N of Confession: I'm not picking on newbie fanfic authors . . . Well, okay, I am, but I'm doing it while remembering what it was like to be a newbie (although, when I was a new IZ fan all the other fans were in the same boat--the series had just started!) But anyway, I remember concocting Sue and Stu characters that I actually thought would improve the fandom. Here are the three most memorable. I'll spare you the names.

1) A boy about three years younger than Dib who became his sidekick. He was always armed with a Nerf gun.

2) A cute little girl of Asian descent who lived next door to Zim and hung out with Gir.

These OC's may not sound all that bad, but trust me, they were annoying. However neither of them compare to:

3) A paranormal girl who mistook Dib for an alien and creepily stalked him. And she was Iggins' sister of all things, yet she was thin and normal looking. I hang my head in shame. But, a less Sueish version of her appears in "The Truth, or Something Like It," demonstrating that some characters can be salvaged with some tweaking (that was pretty much a throw-away fic that never went anywhere, but some people liked it).

Well, I'm rather glad I got that off my chest, and I hope that you realize now, if you didn't before, that when I write these poems I'm mocking myself a little. I'm poking fun at the selfish desires and immature fantasies common to us all. Because I'm sure everyone here has had their own Mary Sue (or Marty Stu) fantasies at one time in their lives.