Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Queer as Folk, it's not my toy box and I promise to put everyone away when I'm done. I don't own anything to do with the line borrowed from Peter Pan either. I also borrowed the part about Brian climbing through the window from the book "Every Nine Seconds" by Joseph Brockton and well if you haven't read this book you really should go out and buy it because it's really good.

Warning: Why I would need to include a slash warning for this show is beyond me, but I like to have all my bases covered so warning this is male slash and if you don't like two guys being in love with each other then well you probably shouldn't read this. Anyways onto the story.


Sixteen year old Brian turned onto his back with a sigh. Sleep, he told himself. He'd had a long day and he needed sleep. He turned from his back onto his side as he brought his covers over his head and he told himself to relax and go to sleep. With a scowl he realized it wasn't going to work.

He pushed the covers away from himself and turned on his bedside lamp. His clock read two in the morning, which meant he'd been trying, unsuccessfully, to sleep for two hours. It wasn't his fault, he told himself. He just couldn't shake his father's laughter, his father's words, out of his head.

When he'd gotten home around nine his father was already well on his way to being drunk and had demanded where his son had run off to till such a late hour before Brian had even been able to shut the door . He'd answered truthfully, he'd been at Lauren Boyle's house working on the English essay they were suppose to co-write.

"Out with your little girlfriend again?" his father had teased.

No, he had wanted to grate. It wasn't his fault the teacher had stuck them together. He'd wanted to work on the stupid assignment with Michael, but the stupid fuck of a teacher had assigned them partners and he'd gotten stuck with the stupid blonde whose only inspiration was to be a cheerleader and be as air-headed as possible. She was definitely not girlfriend material. Yet Jack seemed to think that's what it was and since it had stopped his father's fairy remarks and faggot jokes Brian hadn't said anything to contradict his father's misguided perception of his and Lauren's non-existent relationship.

"We were working on an English assignment," he'd explained hoping it was enough to get him out of the conversation and up to his room.

"You love her? Huh son, you love this twit of a girl?"

He'd stood there in a hallway frozen, wondering where Jack's question had come from. He hadn't wanted to answer it truthfully, and he hadn't been able to lie either. His father always seemed to know when he lied and if he told the truth that he would never love Lauren he'd have only succeeded in incurring his father's wrath. He'd found himself wishing he'd skipped trying to get a good English grade and simply spent the afternoon with Michael, then just maybe he'd have been in a mood to deal with his father.

When he hadn't answered the question his father had given him a long lazy grin from his seat in the living room. Then he'd started, "So you're in love now, Sonny boy? This your first love? My son has his first love? First love…"

Jack had trailed off to take a drink and Brian found himself swallowing hard to keep from telling his father that yes he did have a first love, that he had a love, but that it would never, could never, be Lauren. His love was for Michael and Michael only, but he couldn't let his Father taint the one good thing in his life so he'd kept his mouth shut.

"Let me tell you something about first loves," Jack had continued with a slur, "and you must remember this. What I'm going to tell you is the only truth about love that is real. First loves always fail. You're always going to loss the person you love first so don't get too comfortable son, get rid of her before you do. You have to move on because you'll lose her. Love never works and its worst with your first, you always lose that person."

It was the last statement that had Brian's head churning at two in the morning. Lose Michael? How the hell was he suppose to deal with the shit that was his life if he lost the one person who had the ability to pull him in and make him forget about all the things that weighed him down. When he was with Michael he had no baggage, felt no fear and wasn't allowed any pain.

He'd tried telling himself that his father was an idiot who didn't know anything, but it hadn't helped. If his father had been even close to right, if there was even a slim chance, he couldn't risk it. He'd been hurt enough for one lifetime, he wasn't prepared to think that he would simply lose Michael because that's how it had to be in the grand scheme of things, that those were the rules.

Fuck the rules, Brian told himself. If he wanted Michael in his life then he'd have Michael in his life. Still it gnawed at him in the back of his brain and he couldn't relax. The thought that he would lose Michael tossed and turned and spun around in his mind until he felt dizzy and not simply from lack of sleep.

He decided he couldn't take it anymore which resulted in his covers thrown off of him and him sneaking out of the house to the Novotny residence, which led him to another dilemma when he got there. Take the key from its hiding place and try to sneak upstairs? Which wasn't possible at all, Debbie would know he was there. Or should he climb in through Michael's window? It was a little more thrilling, a little more dangerous and was really the only way to get in without Michael's mother realizing he was there. It didn't take long to make his decision.

"B-Brian?" Michael's sleep-laden voice greeted him as he pushed himself into the room and shut the window.

"Yeah," he reassured as he turned to take in his friend who was now sitting in his bed blinking at him sleepily. For the first time that night he felt relaxed. He couldn't have fought the smile that lite his face if he wanted to. Carefully toeing his way out of his shoes he crawled into bed with his best friend wrapping his arms around him and urging him to lay back down.

Michael's response was to sigh and snuggle into him as he asked, "Rough night?"

Brian shook his head no before realizing that wouldn't work as Michael was laying against his chest. He whispered, "Everything better now, go back to sleep."

Only everything wasn't better. Now that he had Michael in his arms his fear over his father's words escalated until they were pounding in his head and the world unfocused until he realized Michael had waved a hand in front of his face.

He blinked up at his friend, attempting to focus and at a loss for words.

Michael watched Brian's face in concern. His friend was distraught about something. Anytime Brian came over in the middle of the night it was because something was wrong at his house. There weren't any bruises in sight, only tears that had edged out of his eyes and this almost hidden stricken look on his face. Times like these had Michael worried most. The physical abuse was easier. He could bandage and sooth, he could watch it heal, but with the emotional abuse Brian usually shut down and just clung onto him not wanting to talk about it. Sometimes Brian would get angry and then his frustration with his situation would usually come out in an outburst. Then Michael would sooth and reassure, but he knew that those wounds weren't quite healing. He needed to know what was wrong with Brian, he needed to sooth him, to try and make what he knew he'd never be able to heal somehow sting less. Brian would be tight lipped, he would have to ease it out of him.

"Boy, why are you crying?" Michael teased in a soft whisper.

Brian couldn't help but smile in response as he whispered that he wasn't crying which only caused Michael to reach over to the nightstand for tissues to dry his eyes with. He hadn't realized he'd been crying.

"It's nothing," Brian whispered as much to convince himself as his friend.

"Why are you crying?" Michael asked in the same teasing tone, not allowing himself to get serious because he knew if he let his worry shine through than Brian would completely shut down, maybe even leave and that wasn't what Brian needed. He let his fingers play on Brian's cheek letting the concern show in his eyes, hoping that Brian would tell him why he needed to be here with him in bed at this early morning hour.

Brian caught his wrist and gave him a hint of a smile as he played into the game, "There's this real sweet boy who should fly away with me forever and ever, but I don't think he will so I refuse to ask."

"Maybe you…" Michael started to tease back but was cut off when Brian's lips met his urgently and quickly.

As Brian pulled away he asked, "Love me?"

"Yes," the answer came without hesitation, but there was worry in Michael's face, concern for his friend and it made Brian's heart ache more. He couldn't lose Michael, not ever. He wasn't sure how he'd survive because just the thought was suffocating.

After a moments hesitation he asked, "Love me forever?"

Michael's hand was on his cheek again as his brows furrowed in worry, "Brian what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Can't sleep," he admitted as he changed their positions maneuvering until he had Michael underneath him and he could stare down into his friends eyes and let him see the truth behind his question while feeling in control of the situation, "Promise me forever?"

Michael's hand played at his cheek and ran to the nape of his neck, moving in a way he knew they both found comforting. The question and concern was plainly written on the face inches from his, but Michael didn't ask, he only gave as he whispered, "Always."

Brian wet his lips still unsure, his father's words still holding weight, "Promise?"

"Always," Michael said more forcefully, "Always and forever."

His declaration made he pushed forward and kissed Brian. Their lips lingered for a moment, it wasn't often Michael got aggressive enough to kiss him. Nearly all their stolen kisses were from Brian not being able to keep away and this was new. Salt from Brian's tears slowly mixed with their tastes as lips parted and each boy took time to explore the other. They parted to heaving breathing, eyes slowly opening and the drowsiness that had eluded Brian slowly crept over him.

"Good, cause I'm exhausted," Brian informed him simply before he pressed a kiss to Michael's forehead and snuggled close spooning him.

Michael laughed softly at him, careful not to be loud, not wanting to wake his mother, before he asked Brian again what was wrong. He was told that nothing was wrong now and he couldn't deny the truthfulness behind Brian's words as he felt the tension leave his friends body as he quickly drifted towards sleep.

Unsure as to why Brian had come over, why he need a declaration of love to be able to sleep Michael worriedly ran his hand over his best friends arm's till he found his hand. Interlacing their fingers he told himself not to worry about it, that when Brian needed to talk about it he would. Feeling loved, needed and comfortable Michael let himself go back to sleep.

Brian smiled to himself as he felt Michael relax with him. The tension, the worry, simply dissipated because he knew that Michael was stubborn to a fault. His friend was strong enough to not allow the world to pull them apart. Sleepily he snuggled into his friend, holding him close as he promised himself that he'd try to do the same, he'd try to love him always.