DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

RATING: R (For sheer lunacy)

Hogwarts Castle was awash with mystery. Things were happening and no one could answer the most pertinent question. Who or what was responsible for the plethora of odd relationships cropping up around the castle?


Plot!Bunny in his capacity to truly think up vile pairings with which to taunt his compatriots joined forces with Ideas!Bunny, who in turn looked to Squick!Bunny and Yuck!Bunny for those pairings that were guaranteed to have Reader!Bunny reaching for Bucket!Bunny. If this wasn't bad enough, Homophobic!Bunny and Mysoginist!Bunny were busy trying to work out who could Out-Squick!Bunny the other, the most. All in all, it could quite simply be called Revenge of the Bunny!Bunny.

Snape!Bunny, Harry!Bunny, Draco!Bunny, Ron!Bunny and Peeves!Bunny were starting to get some help from Experimental!Bunny, who also thought Albus!Bunny, Moody!Bunny (who could be a real bastard when he wanted to be), Hagrid!Bunny and MWPP!Bunnies were sorting out the finer points of Au- Natural!Bunny versus KY!Bunny.

The Female!Bunnies were busy watching Twister!Bunny as she moved stealthily whilst devising new and interesting Positions!Bunny in an attempt to hang on to Creative!Bunny. All in all the only bunny that seemed most in control, was What-A-Bloody-Mess!Bunny and Is-This-Squicking-You-Yet?!Bunny.

Femmeslash!Bunny and Dyke!Bunny couldn't be prised apart, which was interferring with their tutoring of Pansy!Bunny, Hermione!Bunny, Ginny!Bunny and Minerva!Bunny. Meanwhile Hooch!Bunny was getting it on with I've-Got-The-Shits!Bunny, because Sprout!Bunny had decided that Squid!Bunny had all those delicious tentacles with which to have some fun with Self- Stimulation!Bunny.

Squid!Bunny, Hagrid!Bunny, Buckbeak!Bunny, Nagini!Bunny and Dobby!Bunny were getting up Close and Personal!Bunny to aid in an attempt to understand Attraction!Bunny and the resultant round peg square hole of Animal Lurve!Bunny.

Hermione!Bunny, Snape!Bunny, Draco!Bunny, Ron!Bunny and Harry!Bunny all sat around waiting for Canon!Bunny to make up her mind as to which Pairings!Bunny would be more attractive to Reader!Bunny and Book- Buying!Bunny.

Meanwhile Albus!Bunny, Severus!Bunny, Hagrid!Bunny and Minerva!Bunny were trying to work out if Quality!Bunny was overrated when put up against Quantity!Bunny. Jury!Bunny gave all short shrift by declaring Null and Void!Bunny the winner when Quantity!Bunny and Quality!Bunny got entangled with the Shag-Fest!Bunny.

George!Bunny and Fred!Bunny were busying pointing out to Charlie!Bunny, Bill!Bunny and Percy!Bunny that Happiness!Bunny really enjoyed getting his rocks off with Family!Bunny.

Meanwhile Fudge!Bunny and Lucius!Bunny were trying to interest Voldemort!Bunny, Nearly-Headless-Nick!Bunny and The-Bloody-Baron!Bunny in the shocking news that that they had the inside running with Dark- Arts!Bunny on how Ghost!Bunny could join in with Alive-And-Kicking!Bunny.

Filch!Bunny, Crookshanks!Bunny and Mrs Norris!Bunny were busy keeping quiet about their Menage-a-trois!Bunny and Fawkes!Bunny was just helping Voyeur!Bunny enjoy the show by using I-Spontaneously-Combust-in-almost- every-bloody-story!Bunny as backup.

All of which left Author!Bunny wondering how on earth she could separate Dead-or-Alive Sirius!Bunny from Wormtail!Bunny and so help the MWPP!Bunnies to rediscover their Close-Friendships!Bunny and latch onto the joys of Lily!Bunny and/or James!Bunny.

Reader!Bunny effectively stopped this little manoeuver by grabbing Keyboard!Bunny from Author!Bunny and introducing it to Steel-Capped- Boots!Bunny.

Enuf Sed!

AUTHOR NOTE: Originally posted to 30 Minute Fics, an LJ community for Harry Potter Fanfiction of all shapes and ships. Many thanks to LeoGryffin for setting up, running and moderating such a great community.

I've been absent of late. An altercation with a hospital bed left me with a fractured ulna and cartilage damage. The bunnies buggered off (At Any Moment Bunny being the one I've missed the most) and I'm hoping that posting these tidbits might help them surface again. My hand is all better now and I can type again. It was becoming trying to do it all one-handed.