The Mating Habits of a Beast Master
By: Redfox and Megane-chan [Megane-chan hates my format. XP]

"Yes, of course he lives in a pineapple you silly."

Disclaimer: [and authors notes] I don't own this. Now go read and review. = P BTW, I wrote forehead because Shido don't have no eyebrows. [laughs] And I warn you people, this chapter is WEEEEEEEEEIRD. Read at your own risk.

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They sat calmly under the shadow of the large tree; Madoka, with her legs outstretched and hands clasped together lady-like, Shido sitting like an old Indian on a good day, arms crossed over his chest and forehead knitted in concern.

The day had started fairly strange, his good mood, still bouncing about in his head, calling to him and pleading with him to let it lose. The animals seemed to be constantly shifting in their places, some, Shido felt paranoia creep up his spine, seemed to be snickering at him. He glared at those and huffed childishly.

"Shido-kun?" Madoka cocked her head to the side, attempting to look as if she was peering at him, "You sound distracted today."

"It's nothing," He lied, "Just the day I supposed. It started out a bit weird."

His hostess giggled to herself, "That's funny. Things also seemed so weird to me this morning."

"Really…" The Beast Master meant it as a statement but Madoka nodded anyway.

The two sat in silence for another moment, trying to get their bearings. Neither was completely awake despite it being over an hour since they grew conscious that something seemed wrong. It was the day itself, that feeling of uncertainty that seemed to have grown overnight just waiting to smother them both in its thick miasma.

"Madoka," Shido decided he would have to tell her sooner or later; it wasn't even like him to try and hide these things from her and the good mood turned into a monster of sorts, clawing at the base of his skull, waiting for Shido to crack. He really needed to tell someone, a human someone at that.

"Hai, Shido-kun?"

"I think know why Mozart was acting strange this morning,"

She turned to look at him, eyes nearly drowning in curiosity, "But you said he was fine…"

"Y-Yes. He-He is," Speaking suddenly seemed foreign to him this time. The right words just refused to come out and stuttering was a simple must as his nerves caused him to shudder. Majority of the animals looked at him and stared as they watched their master try to communicate properly, "But… you-you see… um… well, the animals are… uh… what's that word… uh…"

"Sick?"

"No, no. You know they…" Eyebrow twitching and sweat beading down his face, Shido suddenly felt the urge to cry for no apparent reason, "It's their sense of… uh… wait. I got this, um…"

"Sight? Smell? Taste?" Madoka's face contorted, "Feel?"

"Yes! Feel, something connected to feelings!"

"Oh, well um… sensation, awareness, consciousness… emotions?"

"Emotions! Arigatou Madoka-chan!" He grabbed her hands and smiled brightly, another strange phenomena caused by something he really felt didn't belong in him. It was strange, doing abrupt and unexpected things by impulse; as if something had just come over him and taken over of his functions.

Then he remembered something the snake man had told a very speculative yet curious Ginji after watching a slightly adult movie.

"Ban-chan," The former Volts leader had called softly, "Why do people… those teenagers just suddenly… you know, kiss… and stuff…"

Ginji had been blushing from what Shido saw sitting on the counter, watching the reaction of the snake and what he'd do to answer his partner. Ban had tried to get Ginji to just ask Paul but the man had told him he held no responsibility to the education of one who already had another who could very well explain the complications of a human body. Too say the least the snake looked pissed at the red head.

"You see, it's like this Ginji," His teeth were clenched and Shido be damned if he decided to pounce on Ginji for asking the question, "There are these things called hormones and you see, they kind of… screw around with your cells and make you…"

The poor blonde had gotten confused several times during the medical explanations leaving Ban with no choice but to cite crude and disgusting examples. Natsumi had been there watching them the entire time when one part of the discussion became way too sordid that Paul decided it would be best if she went and spent time washing the dishes… out back.

Certainly, the Beast Master refused to acknowledge that neither one of the examples of giddiness, extremely sensitive emotions and sudden urges to screw everything around you ever occurred to him but that was why he never spoke up throughout that conversation; it was screwed up enough as it was.

"Um… Shido-kun?"

It was then he realized that he was still gripping Madoka's hand. Her pale face was a bright, tomato colored red and her gaze had been shifted to look down below her, at the grass or at anything that lead away from the though of Shido's mildly calloused hands clutching her own.

"Ah! S-Sorry!" He pulled away and looked in the other direction, crimson face sweating heavily as well.

"I… um… well," The blind musician never felt as flustered before. She didn't know why despite having held Shido's hand at least once before. Why did her nervousness come out just now? It could have been the fact that Shido had voluntarily held her hand… who really knows? "Um…oh! I think I should fetch my violin. My practice should be starting soon and sensei will get mad at me again…"

She stood up and nearly ran for the house, dragging Mozart behind with her, both forgetting their conversation about said dog and that she had no real lessons scheduled for that day. Ah well, whatever makes them happy.

After watching Madoka slip through the sliding glass doors towards the living room, Shido resigned himself to lying down on the soft grass at the base of the tree. It was a position he found himself in when he was with Madoka, albeit a time when both were more or less comfortable with one another's presence. As he told himself before, today was a very strange day.

A mouse scuttled up his shoes and pants, onto his shirt, where it sat and stared at him for a while.

'You seem jumpy around the other human.' The look sent him.

"Am not!" Getting defensive wasn't a good thing for the Beast Master. He looked away.

'Yes you are,' the mouse darted in front of his face, giving him no space to ignore the slightly knowledgeable look of the rodent, 'You look like you want to mate with her. Is she your partner?'

For the second time that day, Shido's head collided with the tree, this time its large protruding roots, "No she's not! Damnit get out of here!"

When the mouse refused to do so willingly Shido had to use his whistle to get him to scamper off like the little bothersome critter he was.

CROAAAAAAAAAK. 'That wasn't very nice,'

The deep throaty call got his attention as two bull frogs made their presence known.

CROAAAKKK, 'Yes I agree, not very nice indeed,"

Shido scowled, dealing with these two was a task almost as unpleasant as the monkey incident when he had gone with Madoka to her vacation home, inviting those disasters and their little high school friend to join them. What a horrid memory, "What do you two want?"

Contrary to popular belief, not all animals got along with Shido "Beast Master" Fuyuki. It was animal nature to trust only those they saw fit and the two bull frogs could have been the equivalent of a mini-animal Yazuka.

CROAAK CROAK, 'You seem to be having some difficulties with your human mating rituals. You scared that "girl"—' CROAK, '—off'

"That was not a mating ritual and she just needed to go get her violin," He could feel his teeth begin to crack under the pressure he put it under, "That brown shiny thing she plays for all of you."

KHMHMHMCROAK, 'You seem to be in need of help though. We can provide a little help with charming that other human.'

Curiosity made its way to Shido's head. Indeed, he was inclined to ask how but something tried to stop him, reasoning perhaps or maybe common sense. Whatever it was, he kicked it out of his mind as his mouth opened to ask the frogs how they proposed he do that.

'Why…' CROAAAAK 'With the loudest call you can muster of course. That's how my mate and I got together.'

Croak, 'Aw… honey.' CROAK, 'You're so sweet helping our Beast Master out with—' CROAKKK, '—his mating problems.'

Then they hopped off to do what mating love bird… er, frogs do leaving Shido standing there wide eyed, the thought train finally reaching its stop in his brain… it seemed to be under renovation that day."

"Loud calls huh?" Shido looked paralyzed as he spoke, eyes still as wide as saucers, "… Why didn't I think of that? Its genius!"

A croak of 'thank you very much' came from the bushes.

Madoka didn't know why she bothered to go up to her room. She finally realized she didn't have any lessons today, hell the rest of the week had been cancelled due to her sensei's sudden pneumonia.

Her back was pressed against the door as she slammed it shut behind her, forgetting Mozart. Realizing what she did, she opened the door once more and pulled the poor ruffled dog inside before hastily shutting the door once more.

Why was she so flustered all of a sudden?

So Shido grabs her hand for the first time. Sure, his hands had that warm, tough texture she associated with the rigid man and of course, the initial shock caused her heart to start beating rapidly causing blood to rush to her face. That had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she hadn't drawn her hands away at the first possible moment, wishing to relish that moment with the rough Beast Master.

… And so what if she liked Shido?

"Why did I freak like that Mozart?" The dog merely made a small noise, cocking his head to the side slightly.

But why did he grab her hand? He seemed so… out of character that day. First stuttering and forgetting words, shame was written in his voice at the time she couldn't help but feel sorry for him, then he suddenly turns happy and grabs her hand for helping him remember a word…

What was the point of that guessing game anyway? She forgot to ask…

… And what, by kami's name, was that noise?!

Madoka clutched at her head in a futile attempt to block that awful noise out, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!"

"CROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKKKKKK… gasp CROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKK."

It sounded similar to a dying, squished rat screeching like a parrot and cat hybrid in the middle of the night… only a lot worse.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!" The musician rolled around on her carpet in pain, repeating a mantra she herself couldn't quite hear over the loud squak/croak.

It went something like, 'mustshutoutdamnstupidFUCKvoicemustshutoutdamnstupidFUCKnoisemust…'

Who knew that the sweet, innocent, Shido-slave driver that was Madoka could curse so feverently.

Who knew Shido Fuyuki had such healthy lungs?

It had been over three minutes since "Madoka call" had been initiated but still no response from inside aside from the occasional bark of pain from Mozart, but sacrifices could be made for this… If it meant he'd get Madoka's love then so be it.

"CROOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHKKKKKK… gasp CROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKK."

Well, well, it seemed Shido-kun did have hormones. Albeit , very, very late ones.

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Redfox: Ah, the bull frog chapter. Review. [gets hit by a randomly thrown object from the reviewers] Itai… --;;

OOOOH! Response to the POM comment, I think he may be half-half... meaning the person who found/sold/took advantage of Mozart wasn't a very good dog breeder... what a scary thought, half pom, half german shepard. oO Honestly, I'm afraid... oh so very afraid.