:this idea came to me, and I thought I would give it a shot. I will try to keep the story short, maybe 6 or 7 chapters, but we shall see how it goes! Please read and review:

Feels Like Home



I can't remember when it was good

Moments of happiness elude

Maybe I just misunderstood

"Monica, you…you can't do this to me." Chandler blocked Monica's way, refusing to let her leave the house. "You promised me you would never leave me! Do you remember?"

Monica shook involuntarily, clutching the suitcase tightly in her hand. "I…I am so sorry," she whispered, "but this isn't working."

"I don't understand! What isn't working?" Chandler asked, his voice breaking in emotion.

"I've tried Chandler, I really have," Monica let out a little sob and looked down at the floor, "but to know every single day that Jack and Erica are not really mine…I can't live with it."

"They are yours Monica!" Chandler grabbed Monica's arms and shook her gently, "You're their mommy." He added softly, trying desperately to catch her eye, but he had learned to accept she didn't do that anymore.

"I've always wanted children Chandler, always…" Monica whispered, "And when Erica gave us the twins, I thought that maybe it would ease the pain of not being able to have them with you…but it didn't. They don't even look like me."

"So you're just gonna leave?" Chandler asked tightly, "you're going to leave just because Jack and Erica don't look like you?"

"No!" Monica shouted in frustration, "You don't understand what it's like to be a woman Chandler! When Rachel and I were kids, we used to stuff cushions up our shirts to make ourselves look pregnant. We'd play house; we'd fantasise about our futures. It broke my heart when I realised I couldn't have them."

"But you have children, Mon. You have Jack and Erica," Chandler's lips trembled.

Monica shook her head. "I can't bond with them…I don't feel anything."

"You've spent every day for the last twelve months caring for them!" Chandler exclaimed, "How can you not feel anything?"

Monica lifted her hand and stroked Chandler's cheek. "I don't expect you to understand sweetie," she whispered, the tears spilling out of her eyes and down her cheeks, "but it's just the way I am right now…and it's not going to change. I can't carry on living a lie. I don't…" she paused and looked away.

"I see," Chandler said quietly, "you don't love us."

Monica's head shot around and she faced him again, looking into his eyes for the first time in months. "Of course I love you…I will never stop loving you!"

"But you don't love Jack and Erica," Chandler looked at her darkly and stepped back from her, "Those two sweet, adorable babies have become a part of me. If you don't love them, you don't love me."


"You don't look at me like you love me anymore," Chandler interrupted her, "Each time you see me 'bond' with the children, you look at me like you hate me. As though I shouldn't be bonding with them, like I should be feeling the same way that you do. Cold…distant…" he stopped and swallowed hard as Monica started to cry.

"I…I can't help the way I feel," she whispered; "please don't hate me."

"I don't hate you," Chandler said, "I love you. You don't have to do this. I know that somewhere in your heart you love the children just as much as I do!"

She walked past Chandler and opened the front door.

"Goodbye," she whispered, walking out and shutting the door behind her.

Chandler stood resolutely on the carpet, feeling numb. There was silence in the house as the two most important people left in his life slept in their cots upstairs.

He walked up the staircase and paused outside the twins' rooms. Just three weeks ago, it had been their first birthdays. It had been a perfect day…or so he thought. Ross, Rachel, Joey, Phoebe and Mike had arrived early with presents. Chandler had accepted them eagerly, but Monica stood at a distance with a strange look on her face. At the time, Chandler had thought it was nerves. It had been the first party they had hosted since moving into the new house 12 months before.

But Monica loved hosting parties. It hadn't made any sense.

It did now. Monica just didn't want to be there.

Chandler walked back down the stairs and sat down on the bottom step. What was he going to do now?

"She left? Just like that?" Chandler could easily sense the shock from Joey on his end of the phone. Everyone had assumed that the Bing home was perfect and happy…but it had been anything but happy. Monica hadn't just distanced herself away from the babies; she had distanced herself away from Chandler too. He didn't have the heart to tell Joey that he had been sleeping in the spare room for the last six months because Monica didn't feel comfortable around him anymore.

"Yeah," he replied, swallowing hard, "I…I don't know what to do Joe."

"Well, do you know where she went? You can't just give up on her now." Joey insisted. "All couples have fights. Go find her, sweet talk her and everything will be all right."

"She isn't coming back Joey," Chandler told him quietly, "This wasn't just a fight. She took her clothes and everything."

"And she left Jack and Erica behind?"

"They were part of the reason she left Joe."

"Dude…I'm so sorry. Do you want us all to come over?"

Chandler hesitated. Since he and Monica had moved away from the hustle and bustle of the city, they hadn't seen much of their friends at all. Phone calls to the gang had been few and far between, but Chandler realised that if there was a time he wanted to see his best friends, it was now.

"Sure," he agreed, "come over right now if you want."

"Chandler, we're gonna sort this out. You two belong together."

All of the love we left behind

Watching the flashbacks intertwine

Memories I will never find

So I'll love whatever you become

And forget the reckless things we've done

I think our lives have just begun

I think our lives have just begun

And I feel my world crumbling

I feel my life crumbling

I feel my soul crumbling away

And falling away

Falling away with you

Staying awake to chase a dream

Tasting the air you're breathing in

I hope I won't forget a thing

Promise to hold you close and pray

Watching the fantasies decay

Nothing will ever stay the same

And all of the love we threw away

And all of the hopes we've cherished fade

Making the same mistakes again

Making the same mistakes again

I can feel my world crumbling

I can feel my life crumbling

I can feel my soul crumbling away

And falling away

Falling away with you

All of the love we left behind

Watching the flashbacks intertwine

Memories I will never find

Memories I will never find

[Falling Away With You – © Muse]

:I know for my standards that was a little sad, but this chapter was necessary for what happens next.

And I really wanted to include Muse in here somewhere, because they are an awesome band: