The Heartache of a Heartbreaker

Note: This Sopranos fan fiction deals with the conflicting emotions inside of Christopher Moltisanti's heart. Struggling with the heartache he feels over pleasing his fiancée Adriana and trying to control his lusts for other women, he decides to open up to a patriarchal role model... Advisory: Some violence, profanity, and sexual situations. Although the sexual situations are not discussed in great detail, those who are offended by such matters should abstain from reading this story.

"Love is like a butterfly. Once you find it, it is often difficult to recapture it."—Unknown

Chapter 1—A Typical Night At the Bada Bing

Christopher stared at the svelte half-naked dancers on the dancing floor. They were unbelievably gorgeous and his pulse elevated each time one of the ladies came close to the edge of the stage and shook her hips rhythmically to the thundering beat. He wiped some sweat from his forehead and unbuttoned his shirt. Suddenly, he shook his head and took another drink of whiskey. He cursed softly under his breath. "What am I thinking ? Adriana loves me, for God's sake ! Yet, I can't stop myself from being turned on by these girls...I gotta get outta here...", he thought to himself. Finishing his drink, he paid the bartender a hefty tab and told him to keep the change as a sort of a "favor". As he left, a luscious blonde stepped directly in front of him. Her eyes were ice blue, and her hair was like pure gold. He smiled seductively, but asked the flirtatious woman to please let him get by. The blonde laughed musically and wrapped her arms around him. Sighing heavily, he thought to himself, "Oh, f#% ! Who am I kidding ?!", and followed the voluptuous beauty into the VIP room for a little "personal time".

After a few hours passed, Christopher moaned in deep ecstasy. The nameless golden-haired vixen had made love to him exquisitely. She had already dressed herself up in her adorable sparkling g-string and feather boa and tickled Christopher under the chin with it playfully. "Dear God that was wonderful.", the blonde said, breathlessly. Christopher laughed and drew a long puff from his cigarette, making a perfect ring in the air. "You got that right, baby. That was freaking amazing !", he said, zipping up his pants and giving the lovely lady a quick peck on the cheek before he left the VIP room. "Come back soon, Christopher.", the blonde said, sweetly. "You bet your $$ I will, sweetheart.", Christopher said, winking slyly. With a spring in his step, he left the succubus with a hefty amount of gratuity and hopped into his red BMW and sped blissfully on his way home.

Chapter 2—Adriana's Suspicions

When Christopher came home, Adriana kissed him passionately. "Hey, Hon... I missed you ! You smell good, is that a new cologne ?", Adriana said, stroking his arms tenderly, and mussing up his hair. Involuntarily, Christopher began to sweat a little bit. He tried to be strong in the face of temptation, but he couldn't help himself. He loved women, and he hated to disappoint them. He had become somewhat of a gigolo but couldn't see past his own sin to commit to the sensational relationship he had already been having with Adriana. He had lied through his teeth to that blonde prostitute. She hadn't given him the best 'lovin'' in years. To be honest, Adriana knew what really turned Christopher on and loved him dearly, unlike these floozies that flocked at the sound of Chris' devilish voice and deadly good looks.

Stuttering slightly, Christopher finally answered his fiancée. "I believe it is, my dear. I can't recall the name of it though.", he said, smiling nervously. For a moment, he had her fooled. "Christopher, have you been sleepin' around ? So help me if you have, I won't hesitate to castrate you !", Adriana yelled, her fists tight and her face beat red. "N-no, dear. I haven't. I couldn't do that to you. That's in the past. My only concern now is you, sugar.", Christopher said, kissing Adrianna on the forehead softly. Adriana grinned from ear to ear. "That's a damn good thing then. Because if you screw me over, Christopher, you know I keep my word.", she said, with a slight hint of malice in her voice. Chris hated it when she had that tone in her speech. She was undoubtedly honest, upright and frank, even to the point of stepping on someone else's toes if it came to that. She stroked his hair gently and nibbled on his neck softly. Christopher laughed and held her close around the waist. "I love you, baby.", he said, softly. "I love you too. Let's go to bed, I'm tired as hell.", Adriana agreed, and with that the two lovers had already nestled close together in bed and were asleep. But, Christopher's eyes opened suddenly. He felt really guilty about lying to Adriana again. He had to do something about his lustful desires. He hadn't been to a church in ages, but he knew he had numerous sins that needed to be confessed. He couldn't let his sins haunt him any longer. His heart was breaking, and he only cared about Adriana's well being. After all, he had made a promise to her when he knelt before her asking for her hand in marriage. He couldn't live his life like this anymore. He also still had some problems with his addiction to controlled substances. Adriana had addictions to heroine, crack, anything that would ease the "pain" that she had. But, unlike Christopher, she was becoming less and less dependent on it and relied more on Christopher to satisfy her needs. If only Chris could take a clue from his own beloved and start realizing that love was the only 'medicine' or 'drug' worthwhile.

Chapter 3—Confessions

Adriana was out working for the day at her club, "The Crazy Horse". Christopher did his usual duties, but decided to take a short detour to the church to talk to the Reverend. Perhaps the Reverend could help him understand what was leading him into temptation so frequently.

Seating himself in the confession booth, Christopher faced the Reverend in the opposite booth. He couldn't see him that well because of the design covering the window, but he knew the Reverend was there to help. "Reverend, I have many sins that I need to get off my chest...", Christopher began, already feeling his eyes well up with tears. "Go ahead, my son.", the Reverend said, gently. Christopher bitterly wept as he began to confess his terrible sins of lust and addiction. The Reverend tenderly told him that he had been seeking attention in the wrong places. If he wanted attention, all he had to do was call upon the name of the Holy One, and He would be there always to listen and answer in His own perfect timing. He went on to say that Chris should stay away from temptation, if he could. Drying his tears, Christopher objected somewhat to the Reverend's wisdom. "Reverend, I know this may sound insane to you, but it's very difficult for me to steer clear of temptation, provided that my business deals are closed mostly in 'areas of great darkness' as you call them.", he said, with a little frustration in his voice. The Reverend raised an eyebrow in confusion at Christopher's contradictory nature. "You mean to tell me you cannot escape the temptation that leads you astray ?" he asked, trying to understand Christopher's argument. "I can't go into the reasons why, Reverend. But, I do need all the help I can get. I've seen Purgatory, Reverend and I don't want to spend more time there than I have to.", Chris answered, a little agitation in his tone. The Reverend was almost at wits end telling Christopher the right road to take. "Keep praying, my son. Keep thinking of your significant other when temptation comes your way. Remember that the love of the Holy One and your significant other will help you when nothing else can.", the Reverend said, finally giving Christopher the blessed sacrament and lay his hands upon Christopher's head. "Your sins are forgiven. Repent from them, and walk in the Light of the Holy One.", the Reverend said watching from the confession box as Christopher quietly left the church. Before he exited, he made the sign of the cross and doused himself lightly with some of the holy water. Indeed, he needed all of the help he was going to get if he were to completely repent. It would be difficult since he and his associates liked to frequent the Bada Bing but, he would keep his heart and mind focused on Adriana, for she was like the whole world to him.

Chapter 4—Love Will Find a Way

Ties in 'the business' had been shaken a little ever since Frankie blurted out matters he should've kept to himself. A lot of the members of the 'family' had mentioned behind his back that he wasn't long for this world. Someone would whack him in the future, but Janice wouldn't be very pleased with that. Even if she was sad, it was all for the better. A nicer, more civilized man would come into her life but his murder hadn't even been considered. He was still 'of use' to the family. As long as he pulled in his funds from his end, murder was out of the question.

Christopher had gotten in a little fistfight with one of the younger members of the family because he had insulted his beloved. The younger man made the right decision never to make remarks, even in jest about Chris' significant other. The young man would have to have some stitches in his lower jaw, but he would never insult Christopher's wife again. After the confrontation, the two had discovered they had more in common and became friends. "Jeff, I forgive you for what you said. Don't worry, because Tone and I are behind you 100%.", Christopher said, patting Jeff's back firmly. "OW ! Ow, ow, ow...Easy, damn it ! I twisted a muscle trying to block that cheap shot...", Jeff said, rubbing his shoulder. Christopher couldn't help laughing, and that made Jeff laugh along with him. "I'm sorry for hittin you like that. That was unfair.", Christopher said. "Yeah, it was, Chris. But that's all in the past. Bygones are bygones. Life is too short. Let's enjoy the years we have left.", Jeff said, smiling.

When Christopher came home, he had bought a diamond ring for Adriana. Adriana couldn't believe her eyes when Christopher revealed the large signet jewel. Her eyes glowed with immense happiness. "Oh, my God ! It's gorgeous ! Honey, you shouldn't have...", Adriana began. "But, I wanted to, Adriana. The only thing I must know now is, will you marry me ?", Christopher asked, kneeling on both knees before her. Adriana's eyes watered as she said "Yes ! Of course I would. I love you so much !" Jumping up to meet Adriana's glittering gaze, he swung her around effortlessly, placed the diamond upon her finger and met his lips with hers.

Epilogue

Indeed, what Jeff had said to Christopher had been true. Even after seeing him after his outpatient surgery, Christopher knew that Jeff's wisdom beyond his years was true for all of them, no matter how young or old they were. Christopher had kept himself strong, and true to his wife- to-be. Drugs were no object now, maybe for others who wanted to buy them, but never for himself. Adriana had become clean, but it had taken her a much shorter amount of time than it did for Chris.

The wedding had been planned for June, on an Island outside of Italy. They were both looking forward to this, despite of some of the 'problems' in the business and the dysfunctional nature that the 'family' had. No hurdles or obstacles would keep these two lovers from their ultimate destination. Christopher was finally prepared to commit. He never wanted to lose his chance with the most beautiful woman on earth. It was the love he had and the relationship that kept growing like riveting roses in an untamed field that kept him going and believing that the best was indeed, yet to come.

The End

By: Elizabeth Berndt October 14, 2002