A/N- Hey all! This is my response to the "Josh Groban" challenge at WIKTT. It is my first ever SS/HG story, so please be gentle. It is meant to be incredibly silly and OOC, but please enjoy.
"Night at the Club"
"Absolutely not! The idea is preposterous. I am not going." Severus Snape rose out of his chair in Dumbledore's office.
"Severus, sit down," the wizened wizard chuckled softly. "It is your birthday, young man! We are going - oh how do the young people say it? 'Clubbing'?"
"I refuse to go out to an establishment that is bound to be swamped with cheeky hussies! I tell you, let me be in my dungeon!"
"Oh, you old bat! Have some fun. Severus, I implore you to join us! We've been planning this for some time now, and it wouldn't be fair if we had to go down to your silly little dungeon for your birthday when we could go out and party!" Dumbledore began waving his arms in the air while plastering a silly grin to his face. "Even us old folk like to get 'jiggy with it'! Haha!"
Severus ran a hand down his face. 'How can the most brilliant wizard of our time be so loony?'
"Uh-uh-uh Severus! I can hear what you're thinking," Dumbledore laughed, still dancing like an arthritic spider.
"Oh fine! I will go, just stop whatever that horrid dance is!" Dumbledore immediately stopped mid-hustle and walked slowly back to his chair.
"Oh Severus, I'm glad you agreed so readily. We leave at 9 tonight!" Severus heaved a great sigh of annoyance and left Dumbledore's office in normal bat fashion, even though Hogwarts was out for summer so there were no students to scare shitless.
. . . . . .
"Hermione! Come on! You have to go! Hermione Jane," Ginny lectured, ripping an Advanced Place Physics book out of Hermione's grasp.
"I need to study! Give that back," Hermione huffed, heaving out of her seat to retrieve her book.
"Why ever did you decide to take Muggle Physics? It's not as though they know anything. They don't think things can levitate, nor do they believe in transfiguring objects, which we do numerous times a week," Ginny sighed, walking around the room to avoid Hermione.
"Ginny!" Hermione whined, almost tripping over the rug in her pursuit of the female Weasley.
"Honestly, you need to get out more often. You've been cramming for these finals all week. Just one night of having fun won't hurt. We all know you're a bloody walking encyclopedia!" Ginny began climbing up the stairs of 12 Grimmauld, where she, Hermione, Harry, Ron, Neville, and Lavender brown all lived.
"Holy cricket!" Hermione exclaimed, tripping over the umbrella stand and crashing face first into Mrs. Black's old portrait.
"AHH! UNWORTHY STRUMPET! IMPUDENT WHORE! MUDBLOOD!"
"Oh shut your trap you ugly whore! Your portrait may be permanently attached to that wall, but we can always set your picture on fire or remove that whole damn wall," Ginny yelled back, making her way back down the stairs. At once, the portrait grew quiet, turning up her nose and turning the other way. "Thought so."
"Ginny, is there any way I can get out of this?" Hermione asked, laying on the floor in a heap.
"Fine. I'll go. But we're not doing anything too crazy, like karaoke!"
"Of course..." Ginny smiled mysteriously.
. . . . . .
(Later that night)
"Ginny? We're at a karaoke bar!" Hermione looked around surprised.
"I know, surprise! You don't have to sing, but we are!" The group of roommates walked across the club and sat down at a large table, several other people bustling around them.
"Is this a muggle establishment?" Lavender asked, looking around.
"Doesn't seem like it," Neville said, eyeing a scantily dressed troll at the bar.
(On the other side of the club)
"Dumbledore! What a nice place to party," Filius Flitwick said joyfully. "I do so love to sing!"
"I agree," McGonagall and Sprout said together.
"Severus?" Dumbledore asked, looking at the youngest of the group.
"Happy Birthday to me," he grumbled resentfully, his scowl deepening as Professors Vector and Sinistra placed a tiny birthday hat on his head. "Goodie..."
"That's the spirit," Madam Pince smiled.
Severus began looking around to see if, by chance, there was anyone he might know. He didn't want to embarrass himself.
"Expecting someone else to join us, Severus?" McGonagall asked.
"No, Minerva." There was no one like that feline who could grate his nerves.
"Anyone like to get up there and sing with me?" Flitwick asked.
. . . . . .
"Fred! George! There you two are!" Hermione groaned as the other Weasleys showed up. She was sure tonight would be filled with unpreventable pranks, even as Ginny made them promise for the umpteenth time that they would behave themselves.
"Hey, Ginny, I found a song we can sing," Ron said, coming back to the table. "And now that the twins are here, it will be even better!"
"What are we singing little brother?" Fred (or was it George?) asked.
"'We are Family'," Ron said. "It's perfect..."
"You do know that song is sung by a group of girls...about sisters?"
"We can ad lib, I suppose. Come on, they're about to call us!" Ginny laughed as she and the Weasley boys made their way towards the stage. Hermione turned towards Harry and shared in his grin of amusement. The lights dimmed and she could barely make out a tall man across the room stand up and head for the bathrooms.
"Ladies and gentleman, welcome!" The DJ seemed to be a Lockhart-look-alike... "Up next we have a group of brother and their sister singing 'We Are Family'! Take it away you 4!"
Hermione's table clapped loudly as the four redheads hopped up onto the stage and grabbed their microphones. As the song progressed, Ginny was apparently the only one who knew how the song went, for her three brothers just kind of mumbled incoherently in high-pitched girly voices.
"We are family! I got all my sisters," here Ginny shot Hermione a strange, confused look as the twins shrieked loudly into their microphones, "and me!"
The group of former Gryffindors all laughed out of control as Ginny began to turn redder and redder; obviously embarrassed by her out of tune, out of style, and out-of-their-minds brothers. The breaking point for Ginny seemed to be when the three men began fist-pumping at the audience, receiving numerous laughs. Ginny promptly left the stage, getting a confused glance from the DJ.
"Well, that seems to be it for them, the family has broken up!"
(Back on the other side of the club)
"Who were those horrid singers?" Snape asked Vector, sitting back down at the table. He had been in the bathroom, yet had still managed to make out the sounds of shrieking males and one fair-sounding female.
"Four redheads," he replied. The teachers all wanted to get Snape up to sing and knew that there would be no chance if there were any people he knew elsewhere in the audience.
"And now," the DJ said dramatically," give a round of applause for 3 of Hogwarts' finest teachers singing 'Raindrops Falling on my Head'."
"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head. And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed, nothin' seems to fit!" Professors Dumbledore, Flitwick, and Vector all sang perfectly.
"Who would have thought our old school held such talent?" Harry asked Lavender, smiling as Dumbledore and Flitwick sang to each other as Vector seemed to really get into the role and made his way out into the audience. As the song drew to the final stanza, the three men grouped together again and, in dramatic barbershop fashion, began singing towards their table.
"Raindrops keep fallin' on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning read! Cryin's not for me, 'cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'! Because I'm free, nothin's worrying me." As the music died out, several people around the club began applauding.
"Well, who wants to follow that?" the DJ chuckled.
"Severus, you should get up and sing," McGonagall said, turning towards the shocked young man.
"Why on heavens would I want to display my extreme lack of talent? Besides, I don't like silly, pointless music..." Snape crossed his arms and stared defiantly at the DJ. When the DJ caught his eye, Snape sent one of his trademark sneers, giving the DJ chills.
"Severus, I've heard you blasting some music down in those dungeons of yours this last week. I believe it was this young man called Josh Groban?" Dumbledore peered over his half-moon glasses at the now cowering Snape.
"You loony old man! No! I am not singing, just drop it!" Snape leaned back in his chair and continued to pout. He didn't notice the look passing between McGonagall and the Candy-man.
"If you will all pardon me for a moment, I need to make a special little trip," the Deputy Headmistress said, rising elegantly from her chair at the table.
"If you will all pardon me for a moment," Severus mocked in a superficial voice, glaring at his cup of firewhiskey. As McGonagall passed by Severus' chair, she smacked the back of his head playfully.
"Come now, we're not children are we, Sevie darling?" This remark earned an audible growl of infuriation from the Potions Master.
"Ah, waiter," Flitwick called, "can I get a refill for my friend here. It is his birthday..." Severus shot a meaningful look towards the short teacher.
"But of course..."
"I'm going outside for a bit," Severus said, leaving the table.
"Come on Hermione, you gotta sing too," Lavender said, pulling Hermione towards the DJ's stand.
"Fine! What do you want us to sing?"
"Hmmm," the girl hummed, flipping through the little book of songs. "How about..." Hermione tapped her foot impatiently.
"What you leering at, Blondie?" Hermione asked the DJ cheekily upon seeing him eye her cleavage. He immediately frowned and turned away.
"NO!" Hermione grabbed the book from her friend. "I'm choosing..."
"Fine," Lavender said, flipping her hair over her shoulder and leaning suggestively against the DJ's stand.
"Oh, how about 'My Guy'?"
Lavender gave a small smile.
"Sure, Hermione. I don't know it, but I'll try. I'll tell you right now, if people start laughing at me, I'm getting off the stage."
"Lav! I don't want to be up there by myself!"
"Oh well, come on. Hey, DJ! Yeah, we want to do 'My Guy' by Mary Wells..."
"Okay toots. Hold on a second."
As the two turned around, they saw McGonagall advancing toward them.
"Hey, Professor! How are you doing?" Hermione asked, smiling.
"Hello Hermione! We're trying to get Severus to sing tonight. It's his birthday and he is being very stubborn. Just like a man!"
"Professor Snape is here? Oh my! I can't sing in front of him!" Lavender exclaimed.
"Doesn't look like you will. He's walking out the door right now," Hermione stated, signaling towards the exit.
"Hey, girls! You are up now..."
"Nice seeing you Professor," Hermione called, walking up and grabbing a microphone.
"Nothing you could say can tear me away from my guy. Nothing you could do 'cause I'm stuck like glue to my guy," Hermione sang out, watching the teleprompter. Lavender stood next to her, trying her best to sing along, but failing miserably. A few people in the audience began booing as Lavender's voice cracked on the second stanza.
"You best be believing I won't be deceiving my guy..." Hermione sung out confidently, her voice ringing through the club. Lavender seemed to have had enough booing as she walked off the stage, numerous people throughout the audience clapping their approval.
"Sorry," Lavender whispered to Hermione as she left the stage, catching Hermione off-guard. It was at this point that Severus decided to make his entrance. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Hermione on the stage singing, her voice flooding his ears like honey. He stood rooted to the spot as he watched his former student get into the song and start waving an arm in the air to go with the words.
"No handsome face could ever take the place of my guy. He may not be a movie star, but when it comes to bein' happy... we are! There's not a man today who could take the place of my guy!" After the song was over, Hermione gave the applauding audience a big smile and made her way back to her table, receiving compliments from people she passed.
"Ah, and next we have another Hogwarts teacher..." Snape started towards the table, glancing at the different teachers to see who would be 'singing' this time. "We have the Potions Master himself singing 'You Raise me Up'!"
Severus stopped in his tracks again and stared at his table... all of whom were laughing at the look on his face. His attention immediately went to McGonagall, who was smiling coyly at him.
"You," he growled. Her response was to raise her beer at him in a 'cheers'.
"Where are you Professor? Don't keep your audience waiting." Snape started towards the stage, swooping up to it as he would his first years' first class with him.
"There will be no foolish wand waving while I serenade you," Harry mimicked Snape.
As the song began, Severus looked out over the audience as though they were petty Hufflepuffs. One child in a corner began to cry. As he began to sing, he was surprised to find how good his voice did indeed sound as it echoed around the room.
"You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains; you raise me up to walk on stormy seas; I am strong when I am on your shoulders. You raise me up to more than I can be..." His deep baritone filled the room, several females sighing at its pleasing sound.
"There is no life – no life without its hunger; each restless heart beats so imperfectly; But when you come and I am filled with wonder, sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity."
Hermione sat still in her seat as she watched her former Professor up on the stage. Two things were for certain: he didn't have stage fright, and he had somehow managed to hide the fact he could sing. The table of teachers displayed several gaping mouths. As Severus finished the song, females throughout the audience stood up and cheered, rushing up to the stage. This obviously took the professor off-guard as he quickly made for his seat at his table, dodging several females. As he sat down, McGonagall began to choke on her beer.
"Don't cough up a hairball for me, Minerva. Please, save it as a present for Mrs. Norris..."
"Shove it, you bat!"
"Professor Snape," Hermione whispered, coming up behind Severus' chair.
"Ms. Granger," he replied, surprise coating his voice.
"Um, can we talk outside?"
"Ooh," Vector and Sinistra catcalled, earning death-glares from both Hermione and Severus.
"Of course we may talk," Snape said coolly, rising from his place and escorting his former student outside into the cool night.
"Professor, I firstly want to say that your singing deeply moved me. Your voice is superb!"
"As is yours, Ms. Granger."
"And well, I know it's very unlike most students to keep touch with old teachers after they graduate...I was wondering if you would like to um...well, meet sometime for more karaoke I suppose?" Severus stood in shock.
"Oh! And Happy Birthday," she said, leaning up and placing a kiss on his cheek.
"Err, I would like to meet you again, but not for karaoke. Maybe just lunch in Hogsmeade or somewhere..."
"Wonderful," Hermione smiled up at the Potions Master.
"Happy birthday to me," he whispered, leaning down and capturing her mouth in a kiss.
"Goody," she breathed as they parted for air.