2ply JAG

By: Comm. Butler

Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or any of the characters…yadda, yadda, yadda

Author's Note: FINALLY! I am writing another humor story! I think my whole drama phase is on a vacation and I can loosen up a bit, but if you like my dramas I will continue to write them. I know this absolutely would never happen on JAG and they would probably get in more trouble for it but I thought it would be funny. Please review I love to hear from you. BTW the season finale has NO affect on this story. I also just left Mattie and Webb out of this for convenience.


1025 Romeo

Admiral's Office

"You two have screwed things up once again! What the hell do you mean he disappeared! A prisoner doesn't just disappear out of a heavily guarded cell and this jerk needs to be caught, he doesn't go around killing Seals on my watch!" Harm and Mac were standing at attention.

"That is exactly what happened sir. The Marines went to get him so we could question him and when they opened his cell he was gone. There wasn't any evidence of him even existing in the prison. We're sorry." Harm said again and the Admiral yelled back.

"Well sorry doesn't cut it! You find him and lock him up permanently and if you don't I will accept your apology when the two of you get married or some hooligan TPs JAG, and then I will think about it! To think you two were going to be on the promotions lists soon."

"We were sir?" Mac asked excitedly. The Admiral snapped at her.

"Colonel didn't you learn not to speak when standing at attention and being reprimanded, now get out of my sight! DISSMISSED!" AJ barked and Harm and Mac almost ran into each other trying to get out the door quickly. Only when they were in Mac's office did they speak again.

"Man what is up his six? God are we ever going to catch a break?" Harm said slamming the door. Mac sat down at her desk and shrugged.

"As long as I'm working with you I'm certainly not and you probably never, so get used to it Flyboy. Now what are we going to do about our little disappearing act?"

"Well we have to look for him, no else at any of the offices can they are up to their shoulder boards in cases."

"Well I'm up to my oak leaves and you're up to your wings, but I think those can wait so let's get out of the office for the rest of the day and do a little field work." Mac said grabbing her cover and purse.

"Sounds good I suggest we start at the local pubs where our friend might hang out." Harm suggested and Mac nodded and after stopping by Harm's office they got a set of keys to a JAG car and then began their search for a mystery man.

JAG Parking Lot

1920 Romeo

Same Day

"Well Mac here's your car…"

"Yeah I guess I'll see you tomorrow and we will continue the search." Mac said letting out a heavy sigh.

"Hey Mac it's not like I'm going to fly away, you know." Harm reassured her.

"I never know with you."

"Why would I fly away when I have everything I want right here?" Harm said softly and Mac inhaled a sharp breath and bit her lip,

YES! This it! Harm going to tell me he loves me… here it comes… Mac thought to herself and Harm continued,

"I'm staying right here, I've got a wonderful career in the Navy, and large supply of comfortable boxer shorts…" Harm thought to himself Come on Rabb you're stalling just spit it out! "And a gorgeous Marine who… likes to sing along with rock music in the car, could it get any better?" Harm finished mentally kicking himself. Real smooth Rabb! What is your issue?

Mac's heart fell into her stomach and she added,

"I guess it doesn't get any better. See you tomorrow." Mac then climbed into her Corvette and pulled out of her parking spot. As she looked back in her rearview mirror she saw Harm slamming his head against the car and cursing. She smiled, knowing full and well even though he hadn't said it out loud he loved her because he was trying to but instead he whimped out. Mac was glad she had that affect on him.

Harm's Apartment

North of Union Station

2305 Romeo

Harm was sitting and thinking about the day and it's events. He had gotten to spend the day with his favorite Jarhead and yet he still couldn't tell her that he loved her. He had for the longest time been contemplating whether or not to tell her the truth, but it had been the Admiral's ranting this morning that had gotten the wheels in his mind turning.

"… I will accept your apology when the two of you get married or some hooligan TPs JAG, and then I will think about it!"

Suddenly it hit him and he jumped up thinking to himself,

Yes this is extremely childish, stupid and could get him into a ton of trouble, but I'm going to do it, but first I need to get Mac.

Mac's Apartment

Georgetown, VA

2 Hours later

Mac was jarred from a restless sleep by a sharp knocking on the door. She recognized it as Harm's because of the metallic sound his academy ring made on the door. She didn't even bother to put on a robe she just turned on the light in the den and then unlocking the door she opened it.

When Mac opened the door and Harm's mouth fell to the floor and his eyes widened. Mac was standing there in nothing but a black silk nightgown, and was barefoot and touslehaired. His immediate reaction was to slip into erotic fantasy world, then he had an idea that he might be hallucinating again and he reached out to touch her. When his hands touched the slick fabric that covered her upper body, he thanked god for letting him see this.

Mac shivered under his fingers and then decided,

So the Flyboy wants to play and get raunchy, well two can play that game.

Harm was in heaven that is until Mac slapped him. He was hit back to reality and Mac exclaiming,

"That is some nerve Harm, just reaching out and… and touching my… get in here you idiot!" She quickly pulled him inside and shut the door. Harm suddenly looked extremely guilty. He hadn't meant to fondle her so to speak, she continued on.

"What on earth possessed you to do that? Just reaching out and, I thought you knew me better then that. Well what do you have to say for yourself?" Mac pretended to be furious, if any other man and just done what Harm had, his butt would be skidding on the surface of the moon, but Mac actually had melted at his touch.

"Umm Mac there was no excuse, I just well I thought I was hallucinating again and so I reached out and… umm, look I need your help." Harm tried to apologize and Mac instantly softened. Sighing she sat down on the couch and let her gown ride up to the middle of her thigh. This was plenty of punishment for Harm and she was surprised when he just took a deep breath and continued,

"You are probably wondering why I'm dressed in all black." He again glanced at her scantly clad figure.

God this Sailor has some serious self-control. I guess I will have to try harder. Mac thought but replied out loud crossing her arms.

"Yes I am unless your pretending to be Batman, but you don't look like a Bruce Wayne to me. You look more like oh I don't know… what do you think?" Mac was now centimeters apart from Harm and she raked her fingers gently down Harm's chest. She felt him shudder and then he pushed her away.

"Mac we are going on a mission."

"At one in the morning? Might I ask what we are doing?" Mac asked hoping for a smart-ass answer.

"Yes, our mission is to TP JAG HQ." It was Harm's turn to laugh inwardly as Mac's eyes widened. She hadn't expected that and finally she stammered.

"ARE YOU CRAZY! No way! Absolutely NO! I will not help you!" Mac took another step away from him.

"Aww come on Mac who will suspect us. The Marines don't start guarding until four am so on one will know and the Admiral said he might consider our apology if…"

"I know what he said! But if you remember he also said if we got married it might and the keyword here is might that…"

"There is still a possibility of us tying the knot I've been thinking…" That got Mac to shut up.

"But still Harm I don't think we should."

"Mac, we have done more dangerous stuff, why not have a little fun and if anyone finds out why not go out with a bang."

"How about we not go out at all and stay in the military and have successful careers."

"That's not what I was talking about Mac and you know it. Tell you what if you pull this prank with me I will leave it up to you as to the other part what do you say?" Harm held out a hand, Mac smiled and shook it.

"You have yourself a deal now let's go, we only have one hour and fifty minutes." Mac then turned and ran off to her bedroom to change and in ten minutes they were walking out the door both clad in black and ready to get in some very serious trouble.