Sorry for dropping off the face of the earth for about six weeks...school has been MURDER. So finally, I'm back, and lemme just say that I won't give this story up until it is done, however long it takes. My updates are just crazy spaced out because of homework/college visits/fatigue/life
With that said, THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL WHO REVIEWED LAST CHAPTER! You all rock my world!!
Nightwing509: Aww, thankies! I'm really, really glad you liked it! And I'm glad it made you laugh, too ;) Hope you're still with me!!
artemisgirl: Thanks!! I appreciate the support and I'm happy you think it's cool!!
Hermione Graner Potter: Haha, sorry about that 'update soon' part!!! da oops thanks for r&r-ing though and once again, loved your story about HHR wedding, 'twas great!!
fanjimmy: haha, indeed!! And here's the next update, thanks again!
Admiral Lily: thanks!! Sorry about the long update time, but crosses fingers I hope it was worth it!
Miss Psychopath: nice user name!! is touched thank you SO MUCH for saying that. I hope you like this next chapter!
aphrodite24goddess: I'm sorry it took so long to churn this next chapter out, but I'm so glad you liked the other one! Hope you're still reading!!
Lunatic Pandora1: I'm glad you thought so!! Hehe, I'm really glad it makes sense on some level. Thanks for reading and reviewing!!
Monkeystarz: huggles you hehe, I 3 your reviews, they always make me smile!! Hopefully you like this chappie too!!
tamar-shaki: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you found it that funny! Here's hoping that this next chapter lives up to your expectations!!
turtlegurl: I'm not altogether sure that Harry has the map by the end of the fifth book. I think that it was never given back to him. And it is Harry's, so Ron and Hermy wouldn't really know where to look. Plus, whoever did this to Harry is powerful enough to overpower the magic of Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore. If they were thinking that far ahead, surely they would have thought to overpower the magic of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, who were not in their prime and didn't have their complete magical potential when they created the map. On the basis of those two arguments, I discounted the map as a tool to rescue Harry. Good question! Thanks for reading/asking!! see funvince's review for more info
Granger-gurl-rox: haha, glad you thought that part was funny, and I hope you'll drop by to check out chapter 5!!
Jae: bows thank you so much for the high praise!! I'm thrilled that you like it so much!! Hope chapter five is satisfactory
Ashley Potter13: hehe, I'm sooo glad you thought so!! Sorry about the long delay, but I hope you're still around to read chapter 5!!
the-power-of-love: hehe, thanks for reading and reviewing!! I really appreciate it and I'm glad you enjoy reading this ficcie!!
fatermay1: hehe, email me at and tell me what you're gonna do, then we can talk about it more, ok? I'm so happy you're that interested!! Thanks for R&R-ing!!
Arcanine aka Hermione Girl: Thanks for the supper! I'm glad you think it's funny and sorry about the long update time!!
Auntartic: MWHAHAHAHA, now there's an idea!! You should write it!! It would be teh awesomeness I'm sure!! Thanks for the review!
withcygrl1413: cute username!! Hehe thanks for the support, hope the update time wasn't TOO long ;)
Adri2000: I would be happy to read your story! Give me a few days to really, really go over it, so maybe I can give helpful commentary, and I'll get back to you about it. Thanks for letting me read it!
shdurrani: thanks! I'm glad you thought it was funny!! hint good point, maybe the kneazle side of Harry might show itself a bit later on....hint
Inylan: aww thanks!! Hehe, I'm happy that you enjoyed it, it means the world to me when people can enjoy my work!!
coolchar: hehe sorry about that update time, but I'm glad you like it!!!
TacoBeesh5190: Hehe, thanks! Your wish is my command
pottersweetie: aww, you're so nice to say that! Er..sorry about that update wait, but better late than never, right? Thnx for reading!!
CajunRouge: Thank you!! Hehe that makes me feel great, your review brightened my day. Thanks again, and I hope you like this next chapter!!
FairyWings101: thanks! Hope this chapter meets expectations!!
Sugarhighloon: hey, cool username!! Thanks for the comment and for reading/reviewing!!
l-to-dah-izzie: aww, you're sweet to say that, I really appreciate it!! And I hope you like chapter 5, too!
Aveista: HAHA! Your review made me lol, hehe that was great to open at 6 AM, thanks again for the review, and I'm really happy that you thought it was good!
Quist QUISTY!! ::glomps:: hehe, thanks for your nice as always comments. Sorry I kinda dropped off the charts for a month or so there, but maybe I'm back on track now, ne?? thanks again, and hope you're still w/ me!!
Funvince: Thankies about the info on the marauder's map, good idea about Ron & Hermy asking Dumbledore for it! Haha, that's ok, I'm twisted too see chapter thanks again for the review/interest, it means a lot to me!!
tfishot: hehe, sure thing, buddy! Here ya go, hope you like it!
Dampilleta: that's a really pretty maiden name!! heh, glad you liked McGonagall/Harry drama. More to follow, just because I think McGonagall is a super fun character. Thanks again for reviewing!!
BakaAngel: hehe, glad you liked the Pig stuff! And don't write Ron off too soon in this story, I'm always up for some surprises ;)
Aquarius Chik 101: hehe, thanks for thinking so! Hope you'll stick around to read the next update!!
Bahaghari: Thank you so much for your nice comments. I'm glad you liked those scenes, they were a blast to write! I hope to see you this installment, too! Thanks again!! And two reviews, thanks, buddy! Feel special, your review was the one that made me get off my butt and start writing ;)
midnite star watcher: aww, thanks! Here's your update!
HERMIONE102: well, sooner than never, anyways... hehe, sorry for the long wait!!
spazzyelfgirl: love the username!! Haha, here you go, hope you enjoy!!
Shelma: aww, thank you! I really appreciate your nice comments! I'm glad you think it's romantic!!
black-velvet-roses11: well, sort of soon-ish anyhoo. Thanks for the review and I hope you're still reading!!
Maze2004: hehe thankies, glad you liked it and here's chapter 5!!
Kallan Myers: hehe, as you wish! I'm glad to know you liked it!!
kittie: LOVE your username! Hehe, we'll have to see what kind of trouble Harry gets himself into, there's almost no telling!! Thanks for the review!!
THANKS AGAIN! And as always, for this chapter, Reviews and Flames alike are welcome!!
Now, on with the story!!
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Someone's knuckles were beating out a bright, cheery song on the wood.
"Hermione, you in there?" A feminine voice called from the other side of the heavy door.
"Hermione, its Lavender! Lemme in!"
She buried her head deeper in her pillow.
"I'm serious, Hermione! If you don't open this door RIGHT NOW I'll....I'll turn your cat into a dust mite!" Lavender stamped one foot outside on the landing and a plaintive meow soon followed.
Hmph. What a Dramatist. Can't a girl get a moment alone to worry herself the eys out of her head?
It had been 32 hours and 28 minutes since Dumbledore had made the school-wide announcement. And Harry Potter, Harry James Boy-With-The-Scar Gryffindor-Seeker Dementor-Fighter Amazingly-Courageous-Daring-And-Stupid Potter, was still missing. Worse than that, Hermione and Ron seemed to be the only ones deeply disturbed. Professor McGonagall and Dumbledore went about their daily business as if the complete disappearance of a student was of no particular concern to them.
McGonagall had even confronted Hermione in the hallway earlier that day and told her to buck up, no use fretting over something she couldn't change.
Of all the insensitive, irrational- honestly, had the teachers gone mad?!
After that little conversation, Hermione had run up to her room, locked the door behind her, fallen on to her bed, and missed her last three classes. She would've stayed under the covers forever if Little Miss Gossip hadn't come knocking.
She wiped the corners of her eyes with the back of her hands, slowly crossing the room, and turned the iron lock.
Her cat shot through the cracked door and positioned himself on the radiator, apparently thankful to escape Lavender's wrath. Lavender leaned casually against the doorframe. She gave Hermione the once-over and then sauntered in, pulling a magazine from her nightstand and plopping down on her bed.
"Didn't know I was a doorman..." Hermione's voice came out harsher than she expected.
"Well! Looks like someone's got their knickers in a knot. What's wrong with you? You weren't in Snape's class. Not your studious self today, eh, Hermione?"
"Would you be?!" Hermione snapped. She could feel the tears starting to fleck the corners of her eyes again. Oh God, Hermione, don't tear up again...not in front of Lavender....It'll be all over Hogwarts before you can say- She tried to recover, "Er...was Snape mad?"
Lavender still had her nose buried in her magazine. "I think he was too preoccupied with Neville spilling bubotuber puss all over himself to be mad." Hermione exaheld the breath she had been holding. Good. He probably didn't notice her absence, then. She pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and blew into it.
Hermione!" Lavender, suddenly quite attentive, stared at her over the top of her copy of Witches Weekly. "Have you been...crying?"
A blush crept over Hermione's cheeks. "N-no! Why would you say that?"
"You can't lie one whit, can you? You're upset about Mr. Potter?"
Hermione turned her back towards Lavender. "This is...not the time..." She crossed her arms in front of her and bit her bottom lip, trying to concentrate on the sunset outside her window. I Will Not Cry In Front Of Lavender. I Will Not Cry In Front Of Lavender...
Lavender was rustling behind her, the bed creaking as she stood up and walked across the room. Hermione felt Lavender's arms around her shoulders.
"They'll find him..."
" I hope they do..."
"L-Lavender...W-Where is he?" Hermione cupped her face in her hands.
"Dunno... But, Hermione...wherever he is, he wouldn't want you to lock everyone out of your room, or skip classes, or cry all the time...your complexion'll get all splotchy. Why don't you get hold of yourself and go find Ron in the Great Hall? Maybe he saved you some dinner."
She nodded and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, then put her school robes back on and dragged herself out of her room.
Hermione turned around, her hand on the knob. "Er...Lavender?"
Lavender raised one eyebrow. "What was that, Hermione? A little louder?"
"Still can't hear you!"
"Oh Good God... Thanks! Thank you! THANK YOU! Happy now?!" She slammed the door, her voice carrying on down the hallway, "of all the intolerable, impossible..."
Lavender rolled her eyes and plopped back down on her bed. "She's certainly back to normal..."
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"Yorkshire pudding! Pass it here, Seamus!"
Seamus struggled to talk through mouthfuls of beef pie. "noh uhntihl ah geh ih, 'On, 'ou're a 'og!"
"A what?" Ron grappled with Seamus for the dish.
Something plopped down beside Ron at the table. He caught sight of bushy brown hair out of the corner of his left eye. "A hog, Ron, you're a hog. Yorkshire pudding, huh? How ironic, Harry's favorite..."
Ron whipped his head around. "Hermione! What're you doing here?!"
"A girl gets hungry!"
"'S'not what I mean! Snape'll skin you if he knows you weren't sick and didn't show up to his class!"
"Who said I was sick?"
"Ron did! He talked to him after everyone left and told him you were 'ill'." Seamus interjected, his pudding grudge vindicated.
"What?! Why would you do something so STUPID?!"
"I was trying to HELP YOU OUT, Miss I'm Too Depressed To Bother Showing Up For Class! Cor, Hermione, Don't get so shirty!"
"Erm...Ron? Hermione? Snape's coming-" Neville said, barely audible.
"HELP ME OUT?! BY LYING?! SPIFFING, RON, SIMPLY SPIFFING!"
"WELL IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!"
"Guys? Er...Snape.... he's-"
"HONESTLY, RON! WHAT ANIMAL CRAWLED INTO YOUR BRAIN AND DIED THERE?! WHAT MADE YOU-"
"GUYS!" Neville smacked a fist on the table.
"Ahem..." A tall, shadowy figure cleared his throat behind Hermione. Every vein in her body froze. "Miss Granger. You seem to have made an astonishing recovery from your nasty bout of Tasmanian Toad's Warts. My office. Now."
Hermione gritted her teeth as she rose to follow Snape out of the Great Hall "You told him I had warts!?" Ron shrugged, his ears growing slightly pink. He watched as Snape's black cape billowed around the corner, turning back towards his table.
"Neville, you prat! Why didn'tcha tell us Snape was behind us?!"
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She tried to still her chattering teeth. Snape's dungeon was even colder at night without that little bit of sunlight that usually poured through the iron bars. Her heart kept thumping loudly in her ears; she was sure he could hear it, too...she was beyond nervous. Never, never, ever had Hermione Granger skipped classes at Hogwarts, or been in serious trouble with a teacher for that matter. She found herself holding her breath as Snape situated himself behind his desk.
He held up a hand to stop her. "Miss Granger. Top Sixth Year in Gryffindor. Top Marks six straight years in a row. Flawless attendance record. Until now." Snape spread his fingers apart, each joint cracked in turn.
Hermione shuddered. "But Professor, I...Harry-"
"HARRY POTTER!" Snape roared, slamming his fist down on his desk, his eyes becoming unusually large and fish-like in his stark white face. "All this utter NONSENSE about Mr. Potter is the reason you SKIPPED MY CLASS?"
Hermione's eyes sparked with something not wholly human. "With all due respect," she spat as if she was speaking to a toddler, "I hope you didn't say 'nonsense' in reference to-"
"I have heard enough." Snape narrowed his gaze and stood like a judge for the execution. He crossed his office and began rummaging through a cabinet, appearing moments later with a beaker filled with gray, bubbling blobs. He sat the beaker in front of Hermione.
"First things first. fifty points from Gryffindor."
"Secondly, I am a firm believer in the punishment fitting the crime. Rather than pretending you have all sorts of illnesses, let us make it official. Before you is a beaker filled with Toad's Bladder Brew, a concoction guaranteed to produce a nasty, though not fatal, case of Tasmanian Toad's Warts upon administering it to the skin. Miss Granger, drink it."
Slits glistened in the corner of the room.
Hermione gasped for air. "Professor Snape, you can't do-"
Claws against stone, silently, stealthily, angrily. Stalking in savannah grass.
"We can sit here all night, Miss Granger, or you can comply."
Flick of a tail,
Snape picked up the vial and moved it towards Hermione; she leaned against the back of her chair.
"Come, come now, Miss Granger. Afraid of a few warts?"
"Professor!" Hermione leaped up and stumbled backwards as something flew from a dark corner of the room towards Snape's arm. Whatever it was elongated itself in midair and hit Snape, hard, then landed lightly on the other side of the desk. Snape shrieked as he lost his balance and dropped the jar, slivers of glass pincurling and clinking on the floor. The grey liquid oozed on to his hands.
"Miss...Miss...GRANGER!" Snape pointed a pus-filled finger at the floor next to his desk. "IS THAT THING YOURS?!"
Hermione followed his finger to the ground, where a furry mass sat calmly cleaning his face. "Cr...CROOKSHANKS!" She shrieked, scooping him up hurriedly.
"That cat is as good as DEAD, Miss Granger!" Snape roared. "MINERVA!"
Snape was already starting to break out in warts. Hermione high-tailed it for the dungeon door, cat in tow. "Miss Granger, COME BACK HERE!"
She had her hand on the doorknob-
Flung it open and-
Was confronted with a rather flustered Professor McGonagall. "Miss Granger? Harr-...rr..er.... C-crookshanks? I thought I heard Professor Snape call for me-GOOD GOD! Severus, what's happened?! You're...GREEN!"
Professor Snape was indeed turning a nice shamrock color. His skin had a slimy sheen to it, and the warts were starting to become more pronounced. "That...THAT CAT! IT DID THIS TO ME! That Crooks-...oh...no...Crr...Crrro...CrrrOAK!"
Professor McGonagall put a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. "Severus! Good heavens!"
Snape not-so-gracefully leaped up onto his desk, scattering papers on the stone floor. "Minerva! CrrrOAK! Quick, do something! CrrrrOAK! CRRRRRRRROAK!"
"O-of course! I'll get Albus, Severus! with me, Hermione." She grabbed Hermione's hand and pulled her out of Snape's office, shutting the door tightly behind them.
"Professor, I swear, I didn't mean to, I-" Hermione dove in.
McGonagall waved her off. "Miss Granger, I'll forego all disciplinary action on one condition."
Professor McGonagall lowered her eyes, an embarrassed look crossing her face. "I need to...er...borrow...your........cat."
"What, Crookshanks? O-okay-" Crookshanks crawled up Hermione's shoulder, trying to hide under her hair. "Crookshanks, now stop that!" She peeled him off of her. "Can't you behave even for a minute?" Hermione placed the cat in McGonagall's arms and he made a strange caterwauling sound. "There you go, Professor. He likes to be scratched behind his right ear."
McGonagall scowled. "Is. That. So... Go back to your room, Miss Granger. I'll bring Har-...er...him...to the Common Room later tonight."
Hermione nodded, pretending to leave, and hid herself behind a statue. Professor McGonagall dropped Crookshanks to the floor. "Well, come on." She said, and started walking towards her office. To Hermione's shock, Crookshanks trotted after her. Then, McGonagall seemed to start...mumbling...to the cat.
"You've certainly gotten yourself into a mess this time! Do you want the whole castle to know your 'predicament'? Ouch! If you don't stop that scratching, I will be forced to declaw you! And leg-rubbing won't get you anywhere with me, Mister Pot-"
Her office door slammed closed with a final thud.
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Well, that's all for this chapter, hope you enjoyed it! As always, Flames and Reviews alike are quite welcome!!
NEXT CHAPTER: MORE RONNIEKINS! And that Malfoy brat grrr, and some Ginny thrown in for seasoning ;) as well as other general mayhem. Till next time!!