One Fine Day in Valinor

Manwë looked around importantly. He coughed.

"I have summoned all of you here," he began. He never finished the sentence. The room was far too chaotic.

"No," complained Mandos irritably, glaring at his little sister. "The Noldor are not nice people."

"Elves," corrected Vána meticulously.

"Yes, them," sighed Mandos. "When are you girls going to understand that they aren't nice?"

"There's some good in everybody," said Nienna.

"That's just what you think," said Mandos darkly. "Did you ever actually meet Fëanor?"

"Once," said Nienna. "He didn't seem all that bad really."

Mandos laughed hollowly.

"Didn't seem all that bad? Didn't seem all that bad? He's a terror, that one."

"Maybe, but…"

On the other side of the table, Yavanna and Nessa were having a discussion about Ulmo. Or, more specifically, his facial features.

"Can't you see?" asked Nessa impatiently. "His left eye is bigger than his right."

Yavanna looked.

"No, that's his right. His left is on the other side."

"Oh yes," said Nessa. "I can see that now."

Ulmo was trying hard not to notice, but he was slowly losing the battle against a loud chuckle that threatened to make itself heard soon.

He was also quite irritated. He didn't think his eyes were different sizes. He didn't want to boast too much, but he thought his eyes were quite nice.

Manwë cleared his throat again. Nobody even noticed.

"I really – " he said.

Aulë was arguing with Oromë.

"No," he said, "When you compare the way mountains work with your silly trees, I think you'll find – "

"Silly?" roared Oromë angrily. "How dare you?"

Aulë looked at Oromë and gave him a placatory grin.

"I didn't mean it, Oromë," he said. "I was just having a bit of fun."

"Calm down," said Tulkas, as the two began trying to maim each other. They didn't even notice.

Irmo had his feet on the table and was reading a book. It was by Mandos. Estë was looking at him sadly.

Nienna, tiring of the Noldor discussion, was arguing with Vairë about whether it was worth her while to get a pet.

"I like cats," she said. "They're so cute."

Vairë shuddered.

"They shed hair all over the place."

"So?" asked Nienna. "You don't think I'm physically capable of cleaning it up?"

"No," said Vairë. "I mean…"

She paused, not quite too sure of what she meant – or at least not enough to say it.

"Anyway," continued Nienna, wisely choosing to ignore Vairë. "I can always put newspaper all over the couch."

"Good idea," agreed Vairë. "It's so mortifying when someone drops in and they get cat hair all over their clothes."

"It's happened to you?"

Vairë nodded. Nienna looked uncertain.

"Maybe I won't get a cat then," she said. "How about a llama?"

"A llama?" asked Vairë in shock.

"Yes," said Nienna. "I'm a Valie! I can handle a silly llama!"

Vairë shrugged. "If you say so."    

"VALAR AND VALIER!" roared Manwë, losing it.

Everyone sat very still and looked at Manwë. One or two (Mandos and Nessa, to be precise) grinned sheepishly at him. Vána chewed her lip nervously. Nienna shrugged and began her conversation with Vairë anew.

"Can I finish?" asked Manwë more normally.

"Of course you can," said everyone, and immediately began their individual activities again.

 Mandos and Vána continued arguing. Yavanna and Nessa continued their scrutiny of Ulmo. Ulmo continued trying not to guffaw. Irmo continued reading his book (actually, Mandos' book) and Estë continued looking disapprovingly at him (his feet were back on the table again). Vairë and Nienna argued about the relative merits of camels as opposed to llamas as pets. Aulë and Oromë continued trying to kill each other. Tulkas continued trying to placate them. Manwë hung his head and sighed.

And so, life in Valinor continued as usual.

THE END