Okay, you know me, getting inspiration from all these movies and what not. From within the pinkish folds of my brain, spring forth:
Babies, get back!
"Yoo Hoo...Come out, come out, wherever you are..." Cyborg sighed, raising his scanners like some alien flashlight as they searched (the sleeping) Raven's hallway for signs of the green evil, a non-bath-taking perpetrator of wrongs. He hated chores. And his job was the worst. It was worse than any household duty…dish washing…toilet scrubbing…licking Robin's boots…It could even make moody girl quake in her blue boots, it was…
"Yo, Gar! You're stinkin up the joint. FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE COME HERE AND TAKE YOUR BATH!" When suddenly, his locator picked up a radioactive signal...
Flaming asparagus mushroom chow-mien, smelly-checkered knee socks, and an elusive rubbery plunger burst, exploding in green light. "Odious Gordanian atrocity! Monstrosity of stale ludicrous, spuriously foul bogus! Pesky hatbox of rodents! BEAST BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL FEED YOU TO A CLORBAG SLUG, HORRID SHOE-RUINER!" Star-zilla's scaly lizard-tongue shot balls of green fire, as she clutched the charred, slimy remains of the world's tallest boot.
"Heh...Garfield Logan's my name, don't wear it out...Take a number please!!!!!!!!!" Green feathers of the Mongolian mongoose's waddled tail suffered greatly as he yelped. Seconds later, a bald ostrich hopped down the hall, shouting. "Sorry about your boot, Kory! Um...I run out of tissues? RUN AWAY!"
Cyborg chuckled, it looked like Starfire had found Beast Boy first. At least he had a built-in shovel handy for digging up Gar's corpse. In some ways, it made the whole personal hygiene issue much easier, just dump him in the pink and patiently waiting bubble bath! Ah, the woes of a superhero..."Ok, dude. You gonna come quietly, or is this gonna get loud?"
Beast Boy, green Argentinean llama, gurgled. "You'll never catch meeeeeeeeeeeeee! Resist the power of cleanness!"
"You are un-forgiven!" Starfire's eyes glowed, rippling as the bald-spotted platypus shrieked in terror. Cy shook his head, howling like a werewolf before a full-moon (except with giggles)...Well, he would have if not for that menacing hernia he was experiencing as he whipped out the deformed washing machine which had been distorted and mangled in several previous escapades. "Yeah, yeah...You're the soy cube man. Eat TIDE laundry detergent, you soap-shunning scum!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS MY EYES!" Beast Boy morphed into a lion, trying to out-run the sputtering pink suds when a door slid open and he knocked into some cape wearing freak—i.e. the sleeping demoness—landing with a thud. Waving his arms madly, he screamed. "I'M MELTING!!!! ALAS, ALL IS IN VAIN FOR NOTHING CAN WASH AWAY MY BIG, BAD SELF!!!"
"Yeah, man...Your big, bad, tofu-burrito spewing self." Cyborg rolled his eyes, gagging on the flower scent of Gar's special lice-removing-soap from the previously observed catastrophe.
"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Star and her vengeful boot blasted Gar with a powerful green blast, spewing green flames as lightning smashed the stampeding rhino into a particularly weak wall. Groaning, Beast Boy stumbled, his knees wobbling as Raven's room to caved from Star's energy blast. "Shh! Are you guys trying to get us killed?? KORY! You just blew up moody girl's room," He moaned, panicking. "She's gonna kill us!"
"Eeep!" Starfire's eyes lost their eerie glow, "Surely we must make amends with our friend's room before she returns! Raven shall be most angry!"
"Too late." Dark girl narrowed her eyes darkly, "Heads will roll...."
"Whoa, since when did we get an executioner?" Robin laughed nervously as all three of the guilty Titans screamed bloody murder.
Raven hissed, growling. "Since I live with a bunch of IMMATURE BRATS!"
"Well...First thing's first. Beast Boy needs his bath, how long is his record now? A month without showering?" Trying to keep peace, the dark-haired leader pinched his nose, thanking lord almighty for his elastic gloves as he lifted a large pair of tongs, clamping an edge of Beast Boy's shirt and throwing him in the tub. Raven wrinkled her nose disdainfully and stalked off.
"Smells like it."
"Yeah...About that..." Robin grabbed her arm, "Look Raven, is something bothering you?" He shivered under her icy glare as Beast Boy howled the chorus of his favorite shower song: 'EVERYBODY LOVES TOFU-MUNCHING!'
Tim sweat-dropped. "Er…Sorry, that was a stupid question. Ok, rephrase: Is something bothering you besides the fact that Beast Boy and flyingpiggies are about to be sued by the Karate Kid song writers?"
"Who's flyingpiggies?" Raven arched an eyebrow. "Are you hallucinating again?"
"Hmm…I don't know. Back to the script!…So, are you okay?"
"Yes, everything's fine! JUST FINE!" She snapped, red eyes smearing. "NOW…LET…ME…DIE…IN…PEACE…"
Robin winced as the toaster exploded in black flames, spitting out charred soy waffles. "Oh! I apologize, toast-warmer, dear friend! Mayhap you require a funeral hymn?" Starfire clasped her hands, shrieking mournful wails of sorrow, all 5637589 verses from the Tamaranian 'Requiem of Regret,' her eulogy for the maker-of-waffle.
So the morning ended when Cyborg took a bite of the burnt toast, looking disgusted—"This is what that tofu stuff he rants about tastes like? BLEH!"—and promptly ran to puke.
Definitely not a good day for the Titans...All of which was topped with honking cherries galore when the H.I.V.E attacked.
"Stinkin' pit-sniffers, eat barf you dumb losers!" Gizmo laughed, firing his proton cannon as power blasts of semi-automatics shook the Tower. Cyborg stumbled as the floor rippled with yellow light, crumbling as the ceiling slammed down, tumbling pieces of rock.
"HAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Starfire's hands glowed green as they dissolved, melting as twin bolts of energy replaced them, crackling green fury. Dodging his lasers, Robin hurled the explosives, smashing Gizmo through the wall, the ground crumbling and shaking as yellow flames exploded in a ring of lava, tearing the ground in half.
"Nighty Night, bird brain." Mammoth's fist smashed through the door, backhanding Cyborg as he slammed Tim through the window and thirty stories below. Starfire screamed as glass rained down, making it pour with starbolts and throwing Mammoth backwards. Gizmo crawled to his feet, panting as he punched in controls to his computer backpack, sputtering with indignation as Cyborg landed a punch and tore through his systems. "Mega crud!"
"Feeling lucky?" Jinx's eyes rippled purple, exploding as smoke coiled in scarlet shadows. "ATTACK PATTERN: ALPHA!" Shards of rubble flashed purple, erupting into flaming waves of light, slamming into Cyborg as she fired a super-hex.
"What do you want, Jinx?" Robin shot towards her, the grappling hook yanking firmly in a loop around her waist, pulling him up from the ground floor with a series of punches and kicks. Struggling to pull off the rope, Jinx flipped through the air, cart wheeling, only to be buried by rubble, and flung down the stairs.
"Yeah, we already kicked your sorry little butts." Cyborg launched his neutron blasts, ripping through Gizmo's jetpack and sending him flying.
"We wanna rematch!" Mammoth swatted away Robin's bird-a-rang, catching the other in his hand and successfully giving himself frostbite as the freeze-disk exploded.
"You must be punished!" Green flames crashed, tumbling waves of starbolts as Star's eyes exploded in neon beams, glowing emerald. Strands of green smoke drifted, smashing Mammoth into cold concrete. Blasting Robin with a purple bolt of lightning, the Troika scattered as trickles of glass flashed dark violet, causing the ground to shake and swallow him whole. "Is that all you've got?"
The sorceress screamed as the floor rumbled and smoldered, dripping with trickles of green fire. Crashing through the hall, Jinx landed near the bathroom, yanking the tabs and facets from the sinks, desperately hurdling them towards Starfire who dodged, blasting them with green energy.
"Ok, that was not cool!" Poking open the shower curtain, Beast Boy yelped as he reached for soap bar. "AH! DUDES! Who flushed during my bath?" Noticing the now the browbeaten sinks, ravaged pipes, and the water flooding everywhere, he screamed, "TAKE COVER! RAVEN'S PMSING!!!!"
Not quite, Beast Boy. Not quite…
"YO, B.B!" Grabbing two of Gizmo's spidery appendages, Cyborg slammed him against the wall, dodging the midget's counterattack as missals and lasers took a chunk from the wall, crushing him. "I COULD USE SOME HELP YOU KNOW!" He roared, rolling to his side and catching a third spidery leg as a fourth stabbed into his back, ripping electrical wires, sending a pulse rippling through him. "GAR! GET YOUR SCRAWNY LITTLE ARSE OVER HERE!"
The aforementioned green evildoer emerged from the terror-ridden bathroom wearing a toga, singing. "I've got the music in me! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Wah-"
Gar morphed into a gorilla, slamming down both hands as Mammoth stomped his foot, pounding the green armadillo and trying to smash its head as his crab-nemesis scuttled away, clamping Mammoth's nose. Scampering across the floor, the genetically altered teen crawled after the hamster, lifting various objects and chucking them as Beast Boy bashed the sofas back with a mighty sweep of his tyrannosaurus-rex tail, sweeping him back and crashing through a series of painful walls.
"Crud! Stupid Cludgeheads, take some of this you snot munchers." All six spider legs from Gizmo's backpack had mutilated, each point bending and twisting as the metal liquefied, snaking around Starfire and slamming her with a punch from Mammoth as Jinx brought down the lights, smashing over her head.
"KORY!" Robin lashed out with a roundhouse kick, ducking between Mammoth's legs and he stepped over Gizmo's head and right into Jinx's super hex as he gripped her throat and smashed her face with two quick blows, sending her staggering to her knees, groaning.
"I'm gonna squash you like a bug." Mammoth stalked up behind Tim as he frantically dug through the rubble, lifting a large piece of ceiling, chucking it at Robin when suddenly, Mammoth screamed, smoky strands of black coiling around, wrapping him into a tight, suffocating cocoon. "…Thanks, Raven." Tim managed, weakly.
"No problem, Wonder Boy." Her pupils trickled scarlet as the windows exploded, twisting black flames of glass shards. Her fingers rippled, shaping a hand from smoke and winding about the Troika.
"SNOT BOOGERS!" Screaming, Gizmo's computer backpack glowed eerily before he shrieked in horror as it began spewing grenades. Jinx's hands tumbled with violet lightning, as the kitchen knives came flying out of nowhere and lodged themselves in her hair, smirking, she ducked. "You missed."
"Think again." Her eyes glowed a shade of red and the sorceress rose spinning fifty feet into the air, tumbling waves of lightning striking from the sky, flowing into Jinx. She screamed, black strands of shadow twisting as scarlet flames coursed through her. Raven's eyes narrowed into blue storms as Robin lifted a limp Starfire from the debris. "Pitiful…"
"Right," He replied worriedly as Starfire opened her eyes and struggled to stand. "I require some assistance…Tell me friends, did we triumph? Are we victorious? Horrendous anomaly!" She clamped a hand over her eyes," Beast Boy, I believe you have misplaced your earthen garment and are in need of proper coverings."
"What?" Beast Boy grinned cheekily, "What? What's everyone staring at?"
"I'll be scarred for life," Cyborg sighed and pointed to the cracked mirror. "Dude, I think you left something back in the bathroom."
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Garfield Logan screamed, realizing he was only wearing a towel. "Ok, nobody looks until I get my uniform!…Stupid flyingpiggies, this is character abuse! To the bathroom and away!"
"Oh, you're not going anywhere, Titans." Jinx raised a hand weakly, her hex blast flickering with cackles of lightning as she crumpled, the plaster chunks of ceiling above the door giving way and blocking the exits.
"Good, Now that all you barf brains are all here…TRY MY AGE-SHRINKING RAY FOR SIZE!" Gizmo rose unsteadily, aiming his newest gadget and shooting Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy with one shot of the machinegun. "Scum buffer, eat my ray-gun, snot licking Goth girl and spandex-boy!"
"Raven, look out!" Pushing her out of the way, Robin snapped out a bird-a-rang, taking a hit from Gizmo's cannon, as Jinx slugged him, her nails clawing into his face with a point-blank hex. "Let's finish them off." Mammoth's fist smashed through the ceiling tearing a support beam as Robin groaned, smacking him out the window with an iron rod and punching him in his gut as he hurdled out from the tower.
"Robin!" Hissing, the ground around Raven erupted with violet fire as black lightning whirled, strands of smoke circling the Troika as a claw of energy dragged them, crushing Gizmo's ray gun and teleporting them into another dimension. Her pupils smeared crimson, black blades shaping as her eyes slicked trickles of crimson, slashing through the Tower. Trembling a pale red, Raven screamed, her anger fading as she felt a tug on her cape. "Goo, Goo, Gaa, Gaa.
Her hands still glowing with black energy, Raven whirled around, totally unprepared for what she saw.
A two-feet-tall Beast Boy was drooling over her shoes, while a mini-Cyborg tinkered with the game-station, ogling at the hand-controls. "NO MORE DELICIOUS EARTH CONDIMENT?" Raven ducked as a starbolt the size of a golf-ball blasted her hood off. Horrified, she found a tiny Starfire wailing in tears as she threw a temper tantrum, having discovered that her older self had finished all the mustard that morning. "GET MUSTARD!"
"Raven, hug!" Robin (also in his toddler form) sobbed, "Me wet!"
Not in that way…From the looks of things, he landed in the lake.
"Stop, moving! Hold still…" Raven whirled around in a circle as the four toddlers ganged up on her, jumping her with crushing hugs, wrapping her with fluffy pink things (that was Starfire), and making spit wads from her favorite poetry book, pointing to a suspiciously dirty diaper (that was Beast Boy).
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" She cried in desperation finding that Robin had succeeded in attaching himself permanently on her foot. Meanwhile, Gar was tugging on her arm, pulling her away from Tim, which made the black-haired tot shriek with tears (which the only remedy was to scoop him up and hug him).
Growling, Raven raised an eyebrow when the tiny Starfire was suddenly surrounded by some sort of purplish, foul-smelling liquid and started bawling her head off. And suddenly, the poor Tower exploded with a black mushroom cloud when Victor dipped his finger in crude oil, and stuck it in her ear, all the while shouting, "Willie wet! Willie wet!"
And so, Marcel of the local store was most surprised when Raven of the Titans herself called, saying something like, "I need a large bushel of diaper armed changing personnel. STAT!"
Ah, honorable mention to ChocolateCurlz…my sanctified deity self most enjoyed the shrimp worshipping…
Crazy enough for you?