Title: Closet Mumblings

Authors: Angel Leviathan & Aimee5

Category: Stargate SG-1, Sam/Jack, humour

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: They aren't ours. And it's probably for the best.

Summary: "Well, it's a little cramped, but I'm sure we'll manage."

Authors' Notes: It's 3am.  We're back.  We're crazy.  Enjoy.


Closet Mumblings (1/1)


"…I thought you said…"

"I know what I said…but I can't. Not anymore. I give up."

"…You what?"

"I said I give up…" her voice barely carried through the door.

"So that means…"


He frowned, "…Now?"

She shrugged, shifting on the spot, "…If you want."

Janet halted, having just walked past what she had believed to be an empty storage room…except now she was sure she heard the voices of her best friend and her CO inside…talking about…actually, she wasn't sure she wanted to contemplate that. Yet her curiosity got the better of her…and despite telling herself to move off and walk away from the door, she remained outside.

"Here?" she heard him ask.

"Well, it's a little cramped, but I'm sure we'll manage," Sam mused.

"Damn right we will." 

She could almost see the grin on Colonel O'Neill's face.

"Daniel!" she hissed, seeing him walking towards her.  She halted him before he could ask any questions, and drew him away from the door and around the corner.

"Sam!  And Colonel O'Neill!"

Daniel eyed her, confused.

"In the closet!"


"Together!" Janet squealed.

He removed his glasses and wiped them slowly as Janet peeked her head around the corner, her eyes focused on the closet.  She wanted to get closer, unable to hear anything from her current position.

"We have to move," she decided.

Daniel barely had the chance to replace his glasses and mutter another "what?" before she had dragged him back to the door, placing a finger to her lips, instructing him to not utter a sound.

"Do you have…?" Jack trailed off.


"…No…no, I don't…I thought you…" Sam sounded a little shocked.

"…Its okay, I do."

She breathed a sigh of relief, "…I thought we were going to have to wait for-"

"No chance," he laughed, quietly. Jack lowered his voice, "Come here."

Janet's eyes widened, "What the…"

"Do you really think we should be doing this?" Daniel questioned, "And do you really want to be here if they…"

"It's our duty to find out what they're up to!" she protested.


"…It's…" Janet paused in thought, "Our duty as their best friends."

"You'll be explaining that…" he warned.

"A little closer," Sam's voice.

The Doctor practically had her ear pressed against the door, "…This is wrong on so many levels…"

"And we're still here because?" Daniel really didn't want to be around when whatever was going on in there started.

"You're an archaeologist! You're supposed to be curious! Be curious now!" she grabbed him to prevent him walking away.

"Like that?" Jack asked, softly.


"Is placing one's ear to a door a custom I am not yet accustomed to?" Teal'c spoke, making Janet jump and Daniel spin around.

"Teal'c!" Janet hissed, as she had done Daniel earlier.

The latter took this as his cue to explain.  He dutifully guided Teal'c around the corner as Janet had done him, returning a moment later with his friend in tow.

Janet looked at Teal'c, slightly shocked.  He simply smiled at her, and placed his ear against the door above Daniel, who had retaken his place.  Janet spared a quick thought to how strange it would look were anyone to pass by, finding two members of the flagship team of the SGC and the resident CMO with their ears attached to a door, but luckily the corridor was quiet.

"Guess this is why Sam and the Colonel chose it," she smiled to herself.

"Ow!" they suddenly heard Sam exclaim, quickly followed by Jack's murmuring voice.

"God, Sam, I'm so sorry!"

"It's ok, it's ok, let's just try it again."

Janet blushed, but Daniel beat her, he had turned a bright shade of pink.

"We really shouldn't be doing this," Daniel whispered.

"We really shouldn't be doing this," Jack echoed Daniel's words a second later.

"Well, maybe not here," Sam replied, and Janet was sure if she were able to see Sam's face it would be graced with a smirk. 

"Your choice next time…"

"…I'll hold you to that."

Jack's next words were muffled, much to the annoyance of the three outside.

"Should you really be-" Sam gasped and fell silent.

"…You were saying?"

"…By all means…" she breathed, voice barely audible through the door.

"Okay, now we really should be leaving…" Daniel felt like raising his voice, if only to alert the two inside the closet to their presence.

Janet shot him a glare, "Cross me now and my Infirmary will not be a place of happy times for you."

He raised an eyebrow, Teal'c style, "It never is…" he thought for a moment, "Unless-"

She blushed and trod on his foot.

Daniel took the hint and remained silent on that issue.

"I never thought we'd be-" the Major within the closet uttered.

"I know," Jack silenced her.

"We'd better go…people will be wondering where we are…" she said, disappointment evident in the tone of her voice.

"…I guess…" he agreed, reluctantly.

Silence. Except for the scrabbling at the door that Janet was going to commence unless they started talking again.

"Thank you."

"Is that what we say now?"

"…You know what I mean."

He nodded, "I know," he reached for the door, swiping his card-key through the access port.

The three listeners almost fell away from the door in panic as it opened slightly.



A short moment of laughter escaped Jack, "Thank you."

"Hey Colonel?"

He paused, allowing the three outside to back away further, though still unable to leave.  "Yeah?"

"Next time it's for real."

"Yeah, sure you betcha, Carter!" he grinned back at her.

"For real?" Janet mouthed at Daniel, who simply shrugged, both apparently forgetting that they should be moving away from the door.

Jack and Sam exited to find the startled faces of their best friends, and a stoic-looking Teal'c standing a little way off, the smallest of smiles on his face.

"Oh for crying out loud!  Can't anyone keep a secret in this place?" Jack exclaimed, looking towards an embarrassed Sam.

Daniel had the decency to blush while Janet merely grinned.

"Guess our secret's out," he sighed.  He looked down at the floor, shuffling his feet.  "Well, this is embarrassing."

"I'm glad to know what you think of me, Colonel," Sam feigned hurt.

"No, not you, Major, it."

"At least they know now," she replied, indicating their friends.

Janet simply gaped at them.

Sam sighed, one hand on her hip, "…The Colonel here has been asking me and asking me, being a stubborn-"

"Thanks," Jack muttered.

"You're welcome," she shot him a grin, "Anyway. He's been asking me to a dinner-dance for weeks now, and I've been saying no. I couldn't put up with his whining any longer."

"So she gave in," he stated, triumphantly.

She glared, "…I gave in."

Daniel had joined the 'all staring' club.

"Long story short," Jack started, "I can't dance, Carter can't dance, we decided to get in some practice."

"…In a closet!?" Janet finally choked out.

Sam made every effort not to smile, "Where else do you suggest that nobody would see?"

"Would your office not have been more suitable, O'Neill?" Teal'c questioned.

"When somebody could just walk in on us?" the Colonel frowned.

Sam glanced at her watch, "I've got to get going. I have a report to have done by 15:00."

He stared at his own watch, "Crap! That thing was for today?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Looks like we'll both be leaving then," Jack started to move off, "Doc, Daniel, Teal'c," he grinned his goodbyes as he and Sam walked round the corner.

All they could do was stare…

"Interesting…" Sam mumbled, once they were out of hearing range.


She laughed, "Never mind."

He decided to let her keep her comment to herself…

"Oh, Colonel?" she quickened her pace.


"What they thought we were doing in there?" she even grinned, "Next time, that's for real too."

…And left him staring after her in much the same manner their friends had been staring after them…