Raspberry Sugar Quills

By Josie G. Evans

Summary: If you think this is a love story, so it is, but it is about so much more, a tortured sole in need of love and friends, of closed eyes and laughs. This is the life of Lily Gabrielle Evans, the girl afraid to grow up, afraid of living, but what is living when your not on the edge once in a while?


The tragedy of life isn't that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it. -Anonymous


A liar, a liar is what they call me, but I always say I prefer the term actor. Secrets, so many secrets and no one to turn to. I get around with my acting, school, friends (the little I have) I often think, "Would they cry? Would they cry if I died? Would they be at my funeral giving their sympathies and would I be forgotten? What about when I finish school will they remember Lily Evans?"

Love, love is a major factor in my life, one which I thought I never would have. Sure my parents and sisters no matter how much they deney it, love me. But what about a match, a sole mate someone to complete me, like my mother and father. I don't trust anyone, and I don't like getting to close to people, they always leave. That's one of my biggest fears, to be alone. People always leave you behind, like a friend of mine when I was 13 years old. Veronica. She had accepted me into my new school. She had just recovered from cancer. We weren't close but I'm sure if she were still alive we would have become good friends. Best friends, she had many of those, such a nice person, but alas she wasn't to stay here on earth with us for long. Her cancer came back, we all thought she would bounce back again, she was a strong person, with no remorse and a love for life and it's surroundings.

I will never forget the time, the time I could have told her every thing, how good a friend she was, how I wished we could have gotten to know each other better, to laugh on old times, but I was foolish, thinking she would always be there. Me and three of my friends went to visit her before a dance, we had just learned she wasn't doing good. We were supposed to have a party in her name that day, with a big basket full of goodies, but she never came, instead her aunt came with the bad news. When we went to visit her that night, I didn't know what to say, so I sat there and read her magazines. I regret it now, and will never forgive myself for that. I know she's watching down on us know. But I still hate death, I fear it and it's cruelness, at any moment it could come and snatch someone you love from you without mercy. Change and death, my two worst fears.

Change is never good, my past proves it. My second sister Anne, was born, because of that we needed a bigger house. So of course I had to change school, which have proven to be the 7 worst years of hell a kid could go through. I'm often loud, I blame ignorance for that, when I had something to say people never listened, I talked louder to get there attention, now most people tell me to shut up or talk softer. I blame all of my problems on my moving. If that had never happened I would be a very different person I am today, but I would also be empty without Anne.

Pain, death, fear, change it'll never change.

When I die I hope people will be able to say: "Lily Evans? So unfortunate, such a nice person, bless her sole." Lily Gabrielle Evans, messenger of God, at least that's what Gabrielle means. If God loves us, why put us through so much pain and suffering, obstacles are just in the way, but without them we may not be able to grow. Like a flower, we are like flowers, children of God. I hope Veronica likes heaven, where one day I will reach her and tell her how much she meant to me. In heaven my grandfather awaits, I have yet to meet him but I know it'll be a grand reunion.

True love awaits me, my knight in shining armour will come and rescue me from this rotten apple called earth, where we will love each other eternally and neither death nor change nor pain nor fear will be able to concur it. My love, the one person who will know all of my secrets and my past, who will comfort me when I'm sad and think myself unworthy, but what I didn't know was all the while that I was looking for prince charming, my eyes closed to every other, the person for me was always there, always there to listen, always there to give advice and a shoulder to cry on. What I didn't know was that I had found my prince charming a long time ago.

If you think this is a love story, so it is, but it is about so much more, a tortured sole in need of love and friends, of closed eyes and laughs. This is the life of Lily Gabrielle Evans, the girl afraid to grow up, afraid of living, but what is living when your not on the edge once in a while?

To grow and learn from your mistakes is one of life's precious gifts, one that I am soon to learn.


The End of Chapter One