Disclaimer: I own nothing, he does, I don't.
A/N: Please reviw even if you hate it, all reviews are wonderful! The bits that look like this are memories!
Prologue: Whispers in the Dark...
I find myself wandering the grey nether regions of my consciousness at night. The places where I've hidden all my wrongs. Hidden all the things I've done in my life. Often the early hours of morning find me here. Wandering, wondering. Could I have done something differently? Should I have? My short life has seen so much. So much... Too much some would say. Like he would say... Chak would tell me not worry, that I was not that person anymore. That I had changed... But the truth was late at night she came out of my darkness and spoke to me.
If I wasn't careful I would hear her whispering in my ear. Whispering who I really am. Whispers that make me want to scream, or cry, whispers that drive me to do just what I want. To be the creature I was made to be. Whispers of possibility... She's here now. As always she whispers. I try to drive her away, but she won't leave. Her hatred makes my blood pound and boil. She breathes softly in my ear. She whispers the things that make my face heat. She tells me half truths and lies that make me feel in turns angry and shamed. I roll over trying to escape her whispers. But they won't go away.
In frustration I throw off the warm bedding and leap out of bed.
Warm water brushes my face as I bend over he sink. I see my self in the mirror and pause as I stand, towel in hand. My free hand reaches up to brush across my face. My skin is soft and a rich colour, like diluted caf. My dark eyes are large and framed by wet lashes that make me look sad. My lips part in sadness. This person staring back at me is cold. Cold and ruthless.
I raise the towel and brush the excess water from my face. My heart is beating so. Sending surges of chemicals through my blood. Clinically, coldly I analyse their effect. My cheeks are touched with pink my eyes brighten, my very skin prickles in awareness of beating heart. Turning away from the reflection I tie my thick dark hair back away from my face.
As I dress in simple garments of varying grays and blues I consider what the differences are between the face in the mirror and the faces inside. Inside there is her, she looks like the face in the mirror only harder colder, it is the face of a stormtrooper, of a loyal imperial servant, the face of a cold blooded killer. And then there is the me that was.
With the face of a child. Smiling, contented and happy. She tells me everything will be fine, yet she is a quiet voice I only hear when I am content, at peace. She comes out when I stay with the Fel's. Their voices coax her from the place where she hides deep within me. Soontir, so strong and fatherly, Syal, kind hearted and strong, their six children... They are the family I had never had. Between these different faces there is me. The me that has come from the little girls smile and pain, the hard anger and control exhibited by her, and the face that is on the outside.
Stepping out of the tall building into the crisp night air I begin to run, my mind as always going back over the events of years before.
Dark eyes opened suddenly. A strange sense of danger lurking nearby causing her to jump upright. Her hands rubbed quickly over her tired face and over the tiny hairs that formed a small cap of darkness down the centre of her head. She pushed away the military blankets and stood. Her bare feet on the freezing ground. Suddenly the station rocked.
Her feet flew out from underneath her, causing her to stumble against the far wall. A siren wailed in the distance. Behind her a spray of sparks flew down onto the bed she had just vacated, causing the blankets to come alight. She stared at the fire for only a moment before turning to the door. She reached up and pressed the release button. The door remained stubbornly closed.
More sparks and other things flew across the room as another shudder rocked the room. She pounded on the door as a spike of fear sent her ears ringing, and skin tingling. Frustrated she let out a howl. After a moment the door was gone. She was shaking... Shuddering... Carefully she entered the corridor. A white suited Stormtrooper lay nearby. His neck twisted at an odd angle. She didn't look twice at the dead man. Calmly she stepped over him and began to move stealthily down the corridor.
Carefully she looked around the corner, two stormtroopers were striding towards the lift as it opened, expelling a lab tech and an officer. As she looked another shudder, this one more violent tried to knock her from her feet. Claxons blared and someone was speaking over the intercom with static pulsing through his frightened voice. "... to.. shuttle... Evac.. Evacuate... Destroy all labs a...speci.ns" she quickly interpreted the words and moved purposefully down the corridor.
The stormtroopers didn't see her until she was behind them. Reaching up and out she grabbed the repeater rifle from one of them's hand. She lifted it and fired two short bursts. They fell. Crumpling against the ground. She then fired at the lab tech and officer who had emerged from the lift. They too fell, a shriek from one of them.
"Repeat. Under heavy ass.. t emergency evac... pro...destroy all sp...ens. She ran now. Entering the lift she pulled the emergency halt before pulling a panel off the wall. She rewired the lift to go straight to the fighter bay. As the lift stopped she opened the doors and immediately ran as fast as she could, which was very fast, a blurred streak, to a long range tie.
Popping the hatch she settled in. powering the little ship up didn't take too long, quickly she exited the docking bay. In the heat of battle no one had noticed her. Her ship came out of the docking bay at maximum thrust and headed at that speed as far away from the ship. That night as she slept fitfully her old voice of laughter slipped through her hardened exterior. That night whispers were heard in the dark.
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