My first lemon is now posted!! This is like R for you know...'stuff' if you don't like that I'm warning you now...

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I am just too broke to own anything...

I can be an asshole of the grandest kind

I can withhold like it's going out of style

I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone

Who is as negative as I am sometimes

--------Alanis Morrisette, Everything
He didn't bother to read the sign before he came in the bar and he shook the snow off his robes as he stepped inside. Loud, annoying laughter and noisy chattering greeted Severus as he entered the bar. He took a seat at the counter and ordered Whiskey.

The noise irritated him, but he was thankful at the same time since the noise drowned out his thoughts.

It was warm inside, unlike the cold that had wrapped around him outside. Severus shivered as he remembered his long and lonely walk to find a place that would greet him with a warm welcome. He remembered the cold wind blowing against his cheeks and body; his thin robes were no match against the harsh wind and falling snow. But why did he need a warm welcome? He had a flat that had the same temperature as the one outside, and he had rats and roaches waiting for him to eat and leave his waste in the sink or anywhere else.

How warm was his home, he thought sarcastically.

But he needed the noise, so he could stop his horrible thoughts from coming.

"Sorry for the wait, sonny. So many people celebrating, you know?" said the bartender with a cheerful voice and a smile to match, and he handed Severus his drink.

Severus didn't say anything. He snatched the drink out of the man's hand. The old bartender raised an eyebrow, how could anyone seem so angry and depressed when the Dark Lord was finally gone? And on top of that, it was Christmas Eve. The barkeep shrugged and left the seemingly morbid man to drink and get drunk.

He downed the whole glass in less than a minute and immediately ordered another drink. When the second drink came he felt warmer and a bit dizzy. Was he drinking too fast? Did it even matter? He drank slower this time, savoring the taste and trying to think about nothing else but the Whiskey.

Don't think of thoughts about the past, don't think about the Dark Lord, don't think about the mark that is still embedded into your left arm, just drink and be merry. He would be able not to drink, but he would not be able to be merry. He wasn't sure why, but that's what he was thinking, that's what he felt.

Severus felt a soft pressure on his arm, which had truly snapped him out of his thoughts for a few seconds.

"Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" A feminine voice asked.

He turned to glance at the woman who was gesturing to the empty seat beside him, the only seat that was available in the full, nameless bar.

"Sit there if you want, it's not like I am waiting for anyone," Severus mumbled to the woman. He wasn't sure if she heard him over the laughter and loud voices, but she sat down anyway.

Severus finished his drink and ordered a third glass, he didn't even have any money on him but he ordered the alcohol. He would probably slink silently out of the bar when the owner wasn't looking, but first, he would drink himself into oblivion, then he would see if he had enough of his mind left to escape from this place.

Severus leaned on the counter and rested his head on his arms. He glanced at the people around him, laughing, chattering people who seemed so happy. They were still celebrating the defeat of the Dark Lord. He had celebrated too, in his cold flat he lay bleeding on the floor and he praised to the gods above.

'Hallelujah he is gone.'

That was all that he said and he expected to die soon after, but he woke up with a sore body and infected body parts. And he slowly healed but remained depressed for reasons unknown to him.

But why was he thinking such things? He was here to forget, not to recall his past.

Severus glanced at the woman who sat next to him, he observed her, unsure why he was doing so. She had long, black hair that was free and fell to her waist, silky looking and pleasant to the eye. Her eyes were gray, they seemed cloudy, but inside the light was too dim so he couldn't tell. She wore elegant emerald robes and she sat erect in her chair, slowly drinking her Whiskey.

Severus had not meant to stare, and the woman noticed that he was staring at her and silently observing her.

"Is there a problem?" the woman asked. She was not comfortable when people stared at her, she did not think it was proper.

"I feel like I know you..." Severus said. He didn't think about what he said, it just came out.

The woman raised and eyebrow.

"Maybe we've met."

Severus shrugged and started drinking again, paying no more mind to the woman who seemed so familiar.

"What is your name?"

Severus glanced at the woman beside him, her attention was directed to him now and she was leaning a little closer to him.

"Why?" he asked.

"Now that you mention it, your face seems quiet familiar," she stated simply, staring straight into his black eyes.

Severus shivered, the only time someone did that was when he was being checked to see if he was lying. But this time was different, she was searching his eyes to see if she new him, not to see if he told the truth or held a dark secret. He turned away from her gaze.

"I am sorry, I can't seem to remember my name right now," Severus said and chuckled bitterly.

What was his name? Charles Jenkins? Frederick Phillips? One of the names that was given to him for an important spy mission.

Severus was failing horribly; he was supposed to forget; yet all he did was think about his past.

The woman snorted, "Children this days, so many crazy ideas in their heads."

Severus glared at her. One of the things he didn't like was being referred to as a child.

"I am not a child. I must be at least three years older than you," Severus said.

The woman stared calmly at him, "How old are you, boy?"

"I am not a 'boy', I am twenty-six years old. Thank you very much," Severus snapped.

"Twenty-six you say? Well, I am at least three times older than you."

Severus drank more and laughed. He stared at her smooth skin, her face had no wrinkles and she was too beautiful to be old.

"Then if you're that old, your skin should be sagging and you should be in a wheel chair."

The woman glared at him.

"I am not a muggle, nor was I born one," she snapped.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that such a concept bothered you," Severus stared forward and drank from his cup. "I suppose I've been working with muggles too long."

"You work with muggles?" The woman asked.

"Something like that, not too long ago," he replied.

Yes, he worked with them. Poisoned, tortured, and threatened them. For the Dark Lord's revenge and pleasure. But that was long ago wasn't it? It was all in the past now.

"So...what was it like? Working with muggles I mean," she asked.

"Why do you care so much?"

No one bothered to care what he thought or felt before. So why does this woman bother to ask?

The woman shrugged, "I might be able to remember you. And after all, I don't want to spend my Christmas Eve alone."

He didn't want to be alone either, so they spoke and drank for the rest of the night. At one point they finally were too drunk to realize what they were saying or what they were doing.

As they laughed for some unknown drunken reason the nameless woman leaned closer to Severus and planted a kiss on his cold cheek, it was innocent enough. But her next moves weren't as innocent as the first. Her finger traced his jaw line and his lips, moved to his shoulders and down to his thigh; she caressed him softly and whispered in his ear.

"I had fun," her voice was husky and her breath was warm against his cold skin, he knew he wasn't supposed to, but he loved the feeling. Passionate and intimate, Severus had never felt those feelings before. All those other touches that he felt were empty and cold, and feeling this was like eating sweets for the first time.

Severus didn't know what made him do what he did, probably from all the Whiskey he drank; he wasn't exactly in the right state of mind right now. He brought his hand up and caressed her cheek. He brought his face closer to hers, and claimed her mouth with his; he slipped his tongue inside and tasted her. He tasted Whiskey and then felt her tongue in his mouth, matching his passion and want for something unknown to the both them. He played with her silky hair, twisting the strands in his fingers. The woman had her arms around his neck and she pressed her body into his. Severus enjoyed the heat that emanated from her body. It seemed to provide more warmth than the Whiskey he had drunk earlier.

After what seemed like eternity the woman finally pulled back and took a deep breathe. She smiled at him; her eyes seemed to be glazed over and cloudy. Severus thought that she looked like an angel from a painting that he had seen before. But how should he know? He was drunk. He wanted to pull her back into him and kiss her more, touch her more, love her more.

Love? Was that even possible for him? He thought.

The woman leaned closer and whispered to him again, "Let's go somewhere else."

Severus nodded and followed her willingly out of the nameless bar; they hadn't bothered to pay the busy, smiling bartender who attended to his other costumers.

As they walked in the cold night, they touched and kissed each other. Wanting more heat and more consolation from the loneliness that both felt on the night that was supposed to be celebrated.

They stopped in front of a hotel and stepped inside, kissing passionately, and not paying attention to the stares they were getting from the people inside. The woman dropped a few golden galleons in front of the person at the counter and the man smiled at the couple and gave them the key to their best room. As they made their way to the room, the man gave them a wink and smiled, young couples were always a warm sight to see, no matter how lusty they seemed.

When the two arrived in front of the room Severus pressed her into the door and grinded his body into hers, kissing her lips and her neck, wanting more of her body heat. The woman somehow managed to open the door behind her. Severus kicked the door closed behind him when they stepped, and when they caught sight of the large bed Severus gently pushed the woman on the bed and he climbed on top of her, his face was now buried into her neck and her legs were wrapped around him.

They found time to discard their robes and dropped them to the floor. The woman was now in her simple, white underwear and Severus was wearing his black pants which the woman was now unzipping.

Severus rubbed her nipples with his thumbs, her brazier was still on and her nipples were now hard through the fabric, she gave a low moan as he continued to work his massage. He brought his hand down and caressed her inner thigh. She bit her lip and silently asked for more. Severus finally kicked off his pants and underwear and lowered himself so he could kiss her again. The woman brushed her hand against his manhood and he hissed as he felt his erection grow bigger. He went down and kissed her stomach and buried his face there, he remained unmoving for a while, and both were breathing huskily.

"I just want to forget," he whispered into her stomach.

How could he ever forget? No matter what he did he remembered his ugly past that stayed with him no matter what he tried to do to forget. Then he felt hands cup his face and he brought his gaze up. The woman was now sitting up and was staring into his eyes with her cloudy gray ones, and for the first time he felt safe and comfortable looking into somebody else's gaze.

"Then forget now," She whispered and kissed him softly.

Severus pushed her back down, removed her wet knickers and threw them on the floor. She spread her legs apart and Severus entered her. He grunted as he entered, this was not his first time to do this, but this was his first time to actually feel comfortable and intimate with someone else. He thrust in and out, going faster and he heard the woman give moans of pleasure, he may not have noticed but he was moaning as well.

Then they both came, Severus withdrew and collapsed next to her.

The woman's eyes were half closed and she was smiling, she gave him one last kiss and fell asleep.

Severus was smiling as well, he no longer thinking about his past, right now it seemed so far away. He pulled the sheets over them and fell asleep as well.
Severus woke up with one helluva headache. He's head was throbbing so badly and it felt like his body had been hit with a big metal boat. And on top of all of that, the worst part was that he remembered everything that had happened last night. As he expected, the woman was no longer there, her clothes were gone and any sign that she had been there had already been picked up.

Severus got up and dressed, he grabbed the key that was sitting on the table that was next to the bed. He walked down and checked out, the man smiled happily at him and winked.

"How was your night? And where is that beautiful lady?" he asked cheerfully.

Severus sneered at him, "That is none of your business."

The man frowned and Severus walked out of the hotel.

As Severus walked to his flat he thought about last night. That was certainly not planned...

Either way Severus shrugged that off and continued walking, he was sure that he would not see that woman again.

At least that was what his brain told him.

Well, that was my first lemon! Please tell me what you think! I'm going to continue this but I'm a slow typer and stuff...:P And if you liked it that's great, if you didn't that's too bad.

But tell me, was it too much? Did I overdo the sex part or something? Feedback much appreciated!!

Oh, and the song may not have anything to do with this chapter, but I really love that song...