Well, hello everyone! After writing primarily LOTR and POTC stuff, I've decided it's about time to branch out into Harry Potter,… something I've been longing to do for quite a while, now. Just one word of warning: my sense of humor, for those of you who haven't read any of my other fics, is slightly...… okay, very… off-kilter.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything stemming from the mind of the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I do, however, own Ethan.


Ethan Williams flopped into his hammock and sighed. Staring up through the criss-crossed tree branches, he allowed one hand to droop over the side, causing the letter to scrape the ground. The sound it made was slightly irritating, so Ethan lifted it back up and skimmed over it again. Another monstrous sigh.

It wasn't as if he hadn't been expecting it. He was fully, sometimes painfully, aware of his magical talent, though he kept it pretty well hidden from his muggle parents. It was just... well, he had really been hoping that it would come from Hogwarts. As it turned out, Hogwarts was one of the few places that hadn't sent him a letter. Which made sense; the Midwest wasn't anywhere near the British Isles, after all, Ethan reasoned to himself. And he was definitely getting plenty of mail without magic schools from across the pond pitching in.

Every institute in America, it seemed, from the Salem Witches' Institute ("I'm a boy," Ethan had grumbled, chucking the letter) to Magicore Institute of Technology (which had started bellowing school slogans from the trash can, and wouldn't shut up until Ethan singed it) had been flooding the boy's bedroom. He could barely step outside without owls (or bald eagles, as some places wanted to appear patriotic) swooping down and dropping letters or hefty manila envelopes on his head.

The charred brochure from Magicore was lying in the fire pit a short distance away. "Repair air conditioners with the wave of a wand!" it wheezed doggedly. Ethan rolled out of the hammock, walked over to the fire pit, and stomped the brochure into a sulky silence. Then he looked at the most recent letter one more time.

"Attend 3M Institute of Magic and More Magic," the letter squeaked nervously, having witnessed Ethan's treatment of the Magicore brochure, "and learn about the bona-fide magic in everyday objects that muggles use, such as scotch tape and -"

"No, thanks," Ethan said flatly, tearing the letter neatly in two. It screamed.


After poking dispiritedly through the few letters he had kept, Ethan reached a decision. He would simply write to Dumbledore, and ask if he could attend Hogwarts as an exchange student or something. 'I could even include the Magicore brochure as evidence of what I have to deal with here,' Ethan thought with a nasty little grin. After rummaging around for paper and a pen, the boy began to write.

Dear Dumbledore,

He scribbled it out. 'Dear Dumbledore'? He didn't even know the man! Try again.


Well, that just sounded too abrupt. Scribble out again.

To Whom it May

Ethan didn't even finish, realizing halfway through how idiotic it would sound. He scribbled that out as well.

Headmaster Dumbledore,

That was a bit better, although the title 'headmaster' always made Ethan snicker. He continued writing.

My name is Ethan Williams. I'm an American wizard who is a bit unimpressed with the magical institutions here in the United States, and am wondering if you have an exchange program. Or perhaps you could, you know, just let me come over there anyway? I would really like to attend Hogwarts. Please let me know if that would be possible.



The boy held the letter at arm's length and looked it over critically. Not bad. Short and to the point. Now all he had to do was find a bird to carry it over to Hogwarts for him.

Ethan didn't own an owl. He didn't need one. He was a parrotmouth, meaning that he could speak the language of birds. And his house was in the country, so finding a friendly owl to carry a letter for him was never a problem. All he had to do was wander into the backyard and ask if anyone wanted a change of scenery. But this was a long-distance flight, and Ethan wasn't about to ask one of the little Western Screech owls that lived in the area to fly all the way to Britain. He'd have to find another bird, one that wouldn't plummet into the waves from sheer exhaustion halfway there and get eaten by sharks.

Luckily for Ethan, living near a river meant that there was no shortage of seagulls in the area. He was sure he could talk one of them into carrying a letter for him. He sealed the letter in a Ziplock bag (in case the bird met a patch of rough weather), rolled it up, and tied it with some string, leaving enough slack to tie the whole thing to the first cooperative bird he could find. Then he stepped out the door.

There was a small flock of seagulls wheeling about over the trees a short distance away. Ethan cupped his hands and screeched in parrottongue, "Hey! I have food!"

The effect was immediate. The flock turned and made a beeline for him and landed in the grass near his feet, loudly demanding that he give up whatever food he had.

"Not so fast," Ethan said, jerking the dangling bit of string out of the beak of a particularly hungry gull. "I need one of you to do a favor for me."

"What kind of favor? You said you had food!"

"And I do have food, but none of you are getting any until one of you agrees to help me out, here!" Ethan held up the letter. "This needs to get to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, in Britain."

"Oh, Hogwarts," the birds screeched raucously. "Britain! Lovely this time of year!" (It should be noted that all animals are fully aware of the magical community. This is mostly due to the fact that animals see what is, whereas muggles see what they want to see. So it's no surprise that these gulls were familiar with Hogwarts, a big-name magical institution.)

"You know where it is, then? Any of you care to take this to Dumbledore?" Ethan jiggled the letter for emphasis.

"But...… food!"

"I'll feed you all in a minute, but not until one of you agrees to take this," Ethan said, fighting back exasperation.

"Oh, fine," one of the birds ruffled its feathers. "I'll take it!" It flapped up onto a nearby birdbath and held out a leg. "Hurry it up! I'm hungry!"

Ethan let out a relieved sigh and tied the Ziplocked letter onto the bird's outstretched leg. The seagull flew around a bit, getting used to the new weight, while Ethan ran inside and grabbed a few slices of bread. Once all of the gulls were fed, they dispersed, one of them heading purposefully East. Ethan flopped back onto the hammock. Now all he could do was wait.


Well, that's it for now! Short, I know… but the following chapters will be longer! Next chapter, Ethan has a conversation with Fawkes! Reviews are always appreciated!