Title: Candid Courtroom Author: Hoppy1214 Spoilers: Nothing big Genre: H/M and humor, hopefully Summary: Harm pulls a prank on Mac Disclaimer: I don't own JAG or it's characters Author's Note: Who knows where this came from? I owe my inspiration to Jamie Kennedy and all of those who enjoy a good prank and bathroom humor. I fear we are a dying race. Also, this hasn't been betaed. I'm really too lazy for that.


Harmon Rabb was a man with a mission. He smiled nervously as he spied Major Sarah Mackenzie, wondering if he'd get out of this alive. He thought back to last Friday night, when he'd had dinner with an old Academy friend...

Last Friday Night

"So Harm, how's that firecracker partner of yours?" Brett Rodgers grinned at his old friend.
"She's fine."
"Still as hot as ever? Because last time I saw her, damn man. I don't know how you can work with her and resist just... throwing her down on the desk and having your way with her. I mean, all those TADs...?"
"Brett, a little respect please. I think she's earned it."
"Sorry buddy, I can't help it." Brett responded with a Cheshire cat grin. Harm rolled his eyes.
"Have you always been this bad?"
"Then how come I never noticed."
"Because you used to be worse. Remember your twentieth birthday? Man, we made fools or ourselves that night. Although, I think Sturgis definitely took the cake what with the chicken suit and all." The two men shared a laugh at the memory.
"So, Harm," Brett started, "on a more serious note, I have a proposition for you." Harm cocked an eyebrow.
"What kind of proposition are we talking about?"
"Well, you know my brother? Steve? He's got a television show. They do outrageous pranks and stuff. Anyway, he's seen a few pictures of that marine colonel of yours and well, he wants the two of you to be the focus of one of his segments." Harm quietly processed the information.
"Brett, what kind of 'segment' are we talking about here?"
"Well, we thought it would be funny if-"Brett leaned in and whispered in a conspiratorial whisper.
"NO!" Harm exclaimed. "She'd kill me!"
"Maybe." Brett replied, straightening up. "But, if she doesn't you'll both find your wallets a little thicker. I mean, think about it. If it works out, Steve will pay each of you $5,000 for your efforts. For that amount, I think she just might forgive you." Harm fingered the condensation on his water cup, pondering his chances of making it out this alive.
"What the hell." Harm exclaimed. "I'll do it." Brett smiled and gave Harm a pat on the back.
"I think you're gonna have more fun then you think." Brett said with a devilish grin.

Back to Monday

Harm shook his head, no longer sure the risk was worth the gain. Oh well, it was too late to back out now. He glanced down at his watch. The adventure would begin in about... fifteen minutes. If Mac didn't kill him, it was very possible that the Admiral would. He set off to grab a cup of coffee to quell the nervousness in his stomach. The things he got himself into.

12 Minutes Later

"Hey, Mac, you ready for court?"
"You'd better believe it, squid. Hope you're prepared to lose." Mac smiled at Harm before leading the way into the courtroom. The butterflies in Harm's stomach were going mad.
"All rise." The bailiff declared. "The honorable judge Mackey is now presiding." Mac looked vaguely surprised at the foreign name.
"Please be seated." Judge Mackey instructed. "I'm afraid your regular judge has had a family emergency. I'll be filling in for him. Is the prosecution ready to proceed?"
"Yes, your honor." Mac informed. She stood and proceeded with her opening statement. As she sat down, Harm stood to begin his own opening statement. He'd gotten only a few sentences into his opening when it started. A loud sound of flatulence emanated through the courtroom, originating from Mac's chair. Colonel Mackenzie turned bright red and Harm gave her a surprised look before continuing with his opening. But, only a few minutes later, sounds of flatulence were heard again from Colonel Mackenzie. Harm bit his lip to contain his laughter. Poor Mac. She looked like she would like to just disappear. Another fart let loose and she looked astonished, trying to locate the source of the flatulence. Again, the noise stopped. Then, just as Harm had resumed his opening, a very loud, very long fart erupted. Mac looked like she wanted to die.
"Counselor," Judge Mackey began, "do you need to use the restroom?"
"I-I but, it's not me!" Mac was growing redder by the second.
"Of course not, Colonel, but I think we'd better take a short recess anyway." Not knowing what else to do, Mac nodded her acquiescence and quickly left the courtroom.