Disclaimer: Don't own JAG or "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" by Right Said Fred

Author's Note: I don't know what happened. Somewhere between 2 and 3 AM I lost the last of my grip on sanity. I'm sorry. Thanks to everyone who liked it so far and to those who don't I'm truly sorry but it's too hard to try and please everyone. Hopefully I can win you back in the future.

Finally having gotten her flaming red face under control, Mac returned to the courtroom, still befuddled about the farting incident. It really hadn't been her. But, what could she do? Still mildly embarrassed, Mac took her seat. Hopefully their would be no more breaking wind.

"Counselor, are you ready to proceed?" Mac nodded. "Good. Commander Rabb, if you would continue." Rabb quickly wrapped up his opening and sat down. "Thank you. Are there any motions at this time? Very well, if the prosecution will proceed." Mac stood to begin.

"I would like to call-" The lights in the courtroom suddenly went out. "What is going on?" Mac wondered aloud. Then, the familiar music of "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" filled the courtroom. Colorful lights played across the room as a group of people formed at the front of the courtroom. The lights came on and Mac realized all the men in the courtroom, including Harm, his client, and the judge were standing at attention in front of her. Suddenly, as the lyrics began, they all reached up and begin unbuttoning their shirts.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts"

The men finished unbuttoning their shirts.

"And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan,

New York, and Japan"

The men pulled their shirts off and in-between their legs.

"And I'm too sexy for your party

Too sexy for your party

No way I'm disco dancing"

They pulled their shirts back and forth by the sleeves. Mac sat completely still, both transfixed and terrified by the gyrating bodies.

"I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I do my little turn on the catwalk."

The shirts were twirled like ropes above the men's heads before being tossed in Mac's direction. The dozen or so articles of clothing being tossed at her seemed to wake her a little from her reverie and she finally blinked while tossing the stray shirts aside.

"I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car

Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my hat

Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that."

The group pulled on their covers and some more gyrating of hips followed before the hats too were tossed aside. Mac was finally coming to her senses and she rose from her chair, sure that she was either dreaming or everyone had been drugged.

"I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little toushie on the catwalk."

Judge Mackey pranced forward. He stopped directly in front of Mac and ran a hand through his gray hair. She stood, terrified.

"I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my."

He did a few pelvic thrusts for her. Mac eyes darted back and forth looking for a route of escape. She pinched herself, hoping to wake up from this awful dream.

"Cuz I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little touche on the catwalk."

Judge Mackey placed his hands on Mac's shoulders and gently pushed her back down into her chair.

"I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat

Poor pussy poor pussy cat."

Mackey straddled Mac. She was momentarily frozen with mortification.

"I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me."

Mac pushed the Judge off and hurriedly stood up. "Help ME!" She screamed. The last lyrics floated through the courtroom.

"And I'm too sexy for this song."

Mac began running towards the doors. Everyone began laughing and clapping and she turned around to see the Judge pull of his wig.

"What is going on?" Mac asked, still backing up towards the doors.

"Sarah Mackenzie, you have been had!" Mackey declared as the camera crew exposed themselves. "My name is Steve Rodgers and you are the newest feature on my hidden camera show!" It took a minute for it all to sink in but, after a glance at her partner's laughing face, Mac got it.

"Harmon Rabb, did you have anything to do with this?" The guilty look he gave her was proof enough. "Harm! I'm going to kill you!" Rabb gulped and his heart pounded loudly in his ears.

"Hold on just a minute there, little lady." Steve interrupted. "See, both you as the victim and Rabb as the perpetrator are entitled to $5,000. You just have to do one more thing?"

10 Minutes Later

JAG Bullpen

"Tiner! What is so damn important that I needed to come out of my office to see it!" Chegwidden answered his own question as he saw Commander Rabb standing in the middle of the bullpen.

"COMMMANDER RABB! WHY ARE YOU OUT OF UNIFORM!? WHERE THE HELL IS YOUR SHIRT!" Harm gave him a weak smile before pulling Mac towards him.

"I hope he doesn't kill us." Harm whispered to her before pulling her lips to his. He passionately ravaged her mouth. Mac's hand slid up his bare chest, enjoying the intimate contact. Deciding to go for the gold, Harm spun Mac around and dipped her low. He kissed her deeply before returning them to an upright position. They finally broke apart but the heated passion still raced through them. The taste of Harm on her lips made Mac's toes curl.

Meanwhile, A.J. stood there completely stunned. He opened his mouth a few times as though trying to talk but nothing came out.

Steve Rodgers and his camera crew popped out of their hiding places and revealed their secret. A.J. looked from Harm to Steve and back to Harm. Finally:

"Rabb, I'm going to kill you!" Harm's eyebrows rocketed up towards his hairline. He turned on his heels and raced for the elevators, one steaming mad Admiral right on his six.