The General's hell

Spoiler alert - There will be season eight spoilers in this story, so if you don't want to know about the new season, wait until the first few episodes have aired before reading any further.

Disclaimer - I don't own the Stargate, or the show or Jack (I wish) or any other character. I'm just borrowing them for my own amusement.

Hey folks. This is going to be the first in a series of stories looking at ways for SG1 to find out that Jack is anything but dumb. I don't know about most people, but I think that Jack must be a secret genius. This series will overlap with another series I'm planning to do (now that I finally have Internet access at home).

The story will tackle why Jack acts so dumb; why he dislikes scientists (unless they're blonde and their name's Sam), and above all, why Jack was so annoyed when Daniel called him Jim in 'Fallen'.

Please R&R. Any and all feedback is greatly appreciated.


Chapter one

General Jack O'Neill sat at his new desk, glaring at the red phone in front of him. President Hayes had just informed him of the recruitment of another civilian scientist into the SGC fold. This was due to Sam Carter's promotion to CO of SG1. Sam had been head of all scientific research at the base, but no longer had time to do the work required of the position. Jack had requested an air force scientist, but none were available. Again that was the SGC's fault. All the technical people in the air force were busy working with Hammond at Area 51, looking at several devices the SGC had acquired. Jack had been informed that the new scientist would be a civilian transferring from SETI.

Far from being annoyed at the time, Jack had been happy. At least this scientist would be passionate about the job. That had been then - this was now.

Jack shifted his glare from the offending phone, to the file of the new recruit. Opening the first page of the report, he stopped and looked at the all too familiar face of the scientist. Abruptly, he snapped the report book shut, before walking over to his filing cabinet. Finding the appropriate bunch of copies, he swiftly removed the first few pages. Picking up the bundle, he left his office, and went to the adjacent briefing room. Sg1 were due back from a trade mission. He'd brief them on Carter's replacement then.

It felt odd to him, being stuck at a desk job. He needed to be out in the field, where he belonged. His thoughts once again shifted to the subject of the briefing. Too much had already changed recently, without this latest development.


Sam, Daniel and Teal'c stepped onto the Stargate ramp at Cheyenne mountain. The trade mission had gone without a hitch, so Sam was looking forward to a swift debriefing. As SG1 walked down the ramp, Sergeant Davis appeared.

"Colonel. The General's just received word on who your replacement is."

"Oh! I take it he wants to brief us on the new recruit right now?"

"Yes. He's waiting in the briefing room."

Daniel and Teal'c started walking toward the exit, but Davis grabbed Sam's elbow, stopping her for the moment.


"Just to let you know, he looks anything but happy at the moment. "

Sam sighed. Jack's foul moods used to be semi-regular occurrences at the base. Now they were happening on a daily basis.

"Thanks Walter. I'll let the other's know."

Jack could hear his team clanking up the metal staircase to the briefing room. They appeared in predetermined order as always. Teal'c first; Daniel trailing behind throwing quizzical looks in Carter's direction, with Sam bringing up the rear. No doubt Davis had already informed her of his mood.

"Hey Jack!" shouted Daniel.

"I take it the trade mission was a success?"

"Yes sir." Replied Sam. "The Netara have agreed to give us a large amount of their Naquadria in exchange for the same amount of Naquadah."

"Good work Carter."

"Thank you sir." Sam expected another question about the Netara's demands but was surprised when Jack decided to change the subject.

"As you are all aware. I informed General Ryan of a staff shortage in research due to Carter's promotion. I was told her replacement would be a civilian scientist from SETI, and I've been given a report on the new recruit."

"Is SETI being informed about the Stargate programme?" asked Daniel.

"No. There's too many people involved with it. It'd be too risky at the moment."

Picking up the pile of reports, Jack began walking round the table, handing them out as he went. Sam, Daniel and Teal'c all opened their copies expecting to see the usual profile and picture.

"Sir. The profile page is missing."

"The scientist's placement here is yet to be confirmed therefore, we've only been provided with necessary information." Jack lied.

"Right." Murmured Daniel, who was already sceptical about Jack's fib.

"It says here that he is the current head of SETI, and has been since a few months after the programme's inception." Said Sam.

"Yes." Sighed Jack.

"Well sir, if he's such a well known figure, then his colleagues and the media are going to want to know about his job here."

"As far as the media is concerned, he's retiring."

"I thought his placement here was yet to be confirmed?"

"Uh...well...He'll be leaving SETI regardless." He lied, badly.

"Right." replied a now suspicious Carter.

"Well. You can go and read these reports at your leisure. We'll reconvene at eighteen hundred for a full debriefing about the trade mission.


"What was that about?" Daniel asked Sam.

"It believe it was about Colonel Carter's replacement." Said Teal'c obviously still unaware of some of the nuances of human behaviour.

"We weren't talking about that." Daniel sighed.

"We were talking about why the General seemed so...cagey." Sam explained.

"Yeah. I mean, it was so obvious that the profile page had been ripped out, and it was even more obvious that he was lying."

"I'll bet that it's someone he doesn't like, and he's trying to stop the transfer."

"Mmm...probably. You know Jack. If he doesn't like someone, he'll not put up with them."

"If you wish to know who O'Neill does not wish to be assigned, perhaps we should try finding out on the Internet."

"Good idea Teal'c!"


Jack angrily slammed the phone down.

"Oh crap!" he shouted, realising he'd just hung up on the President.

Sitting back in his chair, he placed his feet on the table. He was extremely pissed off. President Hayes had told him that the transfer was final and had been logged. Sam's replacement would be on the base within the hour. Jack had not taken the news well. Picking up the earlier discarded Polaroid, he glared at the picture.

"I knew you'd show up to make my life hell again."

Sighing, Jack brought his feet down off the table, before getting started going through the various procedures needed for recruiting someone new. He quickly scrolled in a name and some other details on one of the multitude of forms, before signing the bottom. It was at that moment, that a wicked thought entered Jack's mind. Sure Jim was going to be back in his life, but Jack was going to be his CO. Maybe this would be good after all.



"Daniel what is it?"

"Oh they've changed the civilian access codes again. I'll need to wait until I get another password. Sorry Sam."

Sam let out a sigh. If a new system was in place, Teal'c would also be unable to go online. Unlike Daniel and Teal'c, who were only monitored while on government websites, Sam was monitored on everything, meaning that Jack might find out.

"It's okay. I'll just input my code."

As expected, Sam's code was valid. She quickly logged on to Google, and typed 'SETI' in the search box. After a second, a window appeared, followed by a message - 'Access denied. Internet off limits to all SGC officers.'

"Damn!" Shouted Sam, mirroring Daniel's earlier frustration.


"The General's blocked access to the Internet."

"He's not as dumb as he looks, is he."

"That's a given fact."

"It looks like we will need to wait to find out who this person is Colonel Carter."


The ringing of her lab phone interrupted her. Groaning, she picked up the receiver.

"Carter...The transfer's been put through?...He'll be here in five minutes?...Sir isn't that a little soon...sorry sir...yes sir. We'll be there."

"Jack?" asked Daniel wanting to know who the caller was.

"Yeah. He says the new scientist will be here in five minutes. We've got that long to get smartened up and to get up to the briefing room for the standard meeting and disclosure."

"He hasn't been debriefed yet?"


"Hmm. that's...odd. I guess we'd better get going."


SG1 sat in the briefing room. Sergeants Davis and Siler and most of the research staff as well as the new CMO - Dr Smith, joined them.

"I wonder where Jack is?" enquired Daniel.

"If it is someone that O'Neill dislikes, then he will do everything to antagonise the person in question."

"I don't think he's immature enough to show up late just to annoy someone."

"We'll see."

SG1 were interrupted as two marine and Major Davis entered the room. The ensembled crowd stood up.

"Colonel. Where's General O'Neill?"

"He'll be here shortly Major."

"Well then...Maybe we should just proceed without him."

Another two marines appeared at the door, with a familiar looking man in tow.

"Colonel Carter...Meet Dr James O'Neill."


Well, what do you think? Let me know, and I'll try to update soon.