So it was twelve o'clock in the morning, and they were definitely not happy.


And Gojyo said: "Damn, I need my cigarettes!"

And Sanzo said: "Damn, I need my cigarettes!"

And Goku said: "I'm hungry!"

And Hakkai just laughed.


So Hakkai and Jippu – it's Jeep! JEEP! THAT'S WHAT THEY CALL IT, DAMMIT! THE NAME OF THE JEEP IS JEEP! WHAT'S WITH THIS JIPPU CRAP? – went out to go get food in town before they left to GO WEST!

Because Going West is what they were supposed to do, even though they all WANTED TO KILL EACH OTHER!

It works like this: Sanzo wants to kill everyone, so there's that. And Gojyo wants to kill Sanzo, for stealing his cigarettes, even though he doesn't like them – Sanzo's a bastard that way. And Goku wants to kill Gojyo for eating his food – HIS FOOD! And Hakkai wanted to –

Well, we'll get to that part later.

But, in anycase, Kougaiji and his group wanted to kill the Sanzo party and –


Right! We will! Because, at this very moment, he and Hakuryuu are out BUYING CIGARETTES for the TWO LAZY BUMS IN THE HOTEL! Very lazy, he might add.

But that was alright, because after buying the cigarettes, he and Hakuryuu went out to buy some beer and got drunk. Well, Hakuryuu got drunk, because Hakkai doesn't get drunk! Haha, that's good – what a guy.

And in anycase, he and JEEP were chugging the beer, and smoking the cigarettes, and basically just WASTING DA MONEY on things besides food and by now Sanzo, Gojyo, and Goku were getting really worried about where they were.

Goku: Where are we?

Gojyo: We're still at the inn, idjut.

Sanzo: Your cigarettes suck.


But while they were arguing, Hakuryuu went ballistic and attacked a few small villages, and Hakkai laughed his head off. Then Kougaiji, Yaone, Lilin, Dokuga – Doistu – Jien showed up and blew away Goku and Gojyo and Sanzo with a large tank of super-sweetened coffee, but Hakkai and Hakuryuu weren't there, so they were still okay.


So when the two Haks (haha, Hakkai and Hakuryuu, get it?) came back, Hakkai took a look at the dead Sanzo and the coffee and said:

"Yare yare desu ne…"

And Hakuryuu said:


And Kougaiji said: "You all suck, eat COFFEE!"

But Hakkai said: "I like coffee! I win!"

So Kougaiji, Yaone, Lilin, and that other guy all screamed – NO ONE'S SUPPOSED TO LIKE COFFEE! NOT EVEN GYUUMAOH LIKES COFFEE! – and ran away.

And that's how Hakkai came to rule the world.
Title : beating people up with sticks!!!
By: TyrneJ
Series: Gensoumaden Saiyuki
Disclaimer: Written by a fan, for fans only. You get the picture.
[notes: I'm sorry. I really am. It's really just a braindump, so beware!]