Disclaimer: JAG is not mine. Neither is the brand name Oreo.
Author's Note: This short fic was inspired by my own stupidity. Enjoy.
Mattie rummaged through Harm's cabinets, searching for her Oreo cookie stash...but she was having trouble remembering where she put it. She continued to open drawers and cabinets. Sometimes looking in the same place three times.
Normally, she would hide her stash in her apartment, but Jenn was good at sniffing out chocolate. Especially after a bad day at work. So she had to hide the cookies in Harm's apartment.
After a few more minutes of looking in the same places, Mattie huffed and folded her arms. Where the hell did her cookies go? There was no way Harm would eat them. She heard the lock come off the door and saw Harm enter, then he was followed by Mac who was holding grocery bags.
"Hey, Harm!" Mattie bounded over cheerily. Both officers looked up and Harm smiled and gave Mattie a hug. He laughed, "Hey, Mattie. Why are in my apartment?"
"I do live with you, Harm," Mattie rolled her eyes which elicited a chuckle from Mac. "Hey, Mac."
"Hey, Mattie," Mac gave her a warm smile.
Harm grinned sheepishly and let her go. He was still getting used to having her around, but more and more he realized how much he enjoyed having her around. Harm then took Mac's coat and said to Mattie, "Mac is having dinner with us, okay?"
"Are you cooking?" Mattie asked in a worried tone.
"And if I am?" Harm asked, placing his hands on his hips. Mac had to laugh again and placed the grocery bags on the counter.
"Actually, Mattie," Mac turned to her. "I'm helping him out."
"No you're not, Mac," Harm pointed at her. "I told you I was making dinner for you and that's final."
"And while I find that very flattering, I really want to help," Mac insisted, unpacking some of the food for their dinner.
"Yeah, Harm, let her help," Mattie added in, while she continued to go through his cabinets. Harm just rolled his eyes and muttered something about being as good a chef as Emeril. After Harm went in his bedroom to kick off his shoes and remove his tie, he re-entered the kitchen to see both Mattie and Mac looking through his cabinets.
"Now what in the world are you looking for?" Harm chuckled.
Mattie turned around and sighed,"My Oreo cookies. I know I hid them in here."
"Yeah, she said that she put them in the kitchen to hide them from Jenn," Mac clarified.
"If they are her cookies, why are you looking for them too?" Harm asked Mac, amused.
"Just in case I don't like what you make for dinner, I have back up," Mac teased.
"Ha, Ha," Harm rolled his eyes, then shifted his weight uneasily.
Mattie noticed Harm tense and asked, "Harm? Did you eat my cookies?"
Mac laughed, "No way. Harm is such a health nut. He would never eat your cookies."
When the girls stopped teasing and noticed Harm had remained quiet, then they realized that he did eat the cookies! Mattie dropped her jaw and stammered, "You ate them??"
"Yeah," Harm nodded, slightly embarrassed. "I just saw them and went...crazy. I couldn't stop eating them."
"Harm! Mattie said that was nearly half a bag of cookies!" Mac looked at him amazed, then she added with mock tears. "I'm so proud of you!"
"Okay, enough teasing about my cooking and about the cookies or you'll both be sorry!" Harm pointed at both of them, trying to be very serious. "I am allowed to every once in a while indulge myself in some chocolate cookie fantasy, okay?"
Both of them couldn't stop smirking and Harm rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time that evening. Then he paused and said, "Uh, Mattie. What does M, mean?"
Mattie glanced up at him and gave an amused stare, "You mean, like the letter of the alphabet?"
"Yeah, M," Harm repeated. "What does that mean?"
Mac began folding up the paper bags the groceries were in and nearly snorted, "Please tell me you didn't go through law school not knowing what the letter M was."
Harm laughed and decided it would be best to clear up what he was saying, "No. On the cookie, there was an M. I was wondering what it meant."
Mattie shrugged, "I dunno, Harm. Maybe it was a contest or something."
"Yeah," Mac added. "There are contests like that all the time. Like, maybe the M stands for Million. Like a million dollars..."
Then all three of them paused and looked at each other. Harm murmured, "A...A million dollars?"
Mac just stared at Harm, who had the most guilty looking face on while Mattie began to jump up and down and shout, "You won a million dollars? My bag of Oreos had a million dollar cookie in it? We're rich, Harm!"
Mac noticed Harm wasn't jumping and then gently grabbed Mattie's arm to stop her. She smiled uneasily, "Uh, Mattie. I don't think you won."
"Why not?" she stopped.
"I ate it," Harm said quickly and shamefully. "I ate the cookie with the M on it! Mattie, I'm so sorry...I uh...I just didn't give it a second thought and I was so hungry..."
"You ate the million dollar cookie?" Mattie mumbled; her voice kind of high pitched. She sounded like she was close to tears.
"Oh, Mattie, it's not the end of the world," Harm tried to console, then it hit him. He ate a million dollars. He stumbled backwards, hit his couch and flipped over it. He landed on the cushions with a soft plop and mumbled, "I ate a million dollar cookie..."
Mac looked at Mattie, who was on the verge of tears and then at Harm who was in a state of shock. She tried to think of something to keep their upcoming dinner from being too depressing. "Uh, what if...that wasn't the prize?"
"What else could M stand for, Mac?" Harm mumbled. "Moron?"
"No, I'm serious. Mattie, do you know what the actual contest was?" Mac turned to her.
Mattie tried to think really hard, then finally shrugged, "Actually, I don't know what the contest was for."
"Then I suggest we find that Oreo cookie bag and find out what the contest really was," Mac advised. "There's no use in getting upset until you figure out what prize you really ate."
Harm pulled himself up off the couch and shrugged,"It's worth a try, but I threw the bag out already. It's in the dumpster outside."
"Let's go," Mattie pulled on his arm, determined to figure out what Harm really ate.
"No way," Harm pulled back. "I'm not getting in that dumpster to dig through other people's trash. That's disgusting."
Mac walked up and handed him latex gloves,"You ate the million dollar cookie, you go digging through the trash for the bag."
Harm just huffed at Mac and snatched the gloves from her. He at least had to change out of his uniform.
Soon, they were outside. Harm was in the dumpster, throwing one bag after the other out for Mac and Mattie to rip open. Harm was going through them, muttering about how disgusting it was. Mac and Mattie kept urging him on, "C'mon Harm! It has to be in there!"
"You come in here and look for it," he shouted back then he laughed, "I found my bag! This is it!"
He hopped out and they gathered around him. Harm opened it up, looking for the Oreo cookie packaging. He looked up and grinned, "After going through all that trash, that cookie better have been worth a million dollars."
"There it is!" Mattie reached in and pulled it out. Mac and Harm waited as she read the rules of the contest to herself first. She let a grin cross her face, "The good news, it wasn't worth a million dollars."
"That's good, I guess," Harm nodded. "What's the bad news?"
"It was worth 2 million," Mattie laughed.
"What?!?" Harm's face paled, finding nothing funny.
Mac's eyes widened and she mumbled, "Two million?"
She immediately went over to Mattie's side to read the rules herself. Harm tore the latex gloves off his hands in frustration and then began to pace. He began to shake with shock and anger, "I ate a cookie worth 2 million dollars!!"
"Uh, Harm," Mac looked up, but he was still going.
"Mac, I can't believe this!" he continued to pace. "I ate a cookie worth 2 million dollars!"
"But Harm," Mattie tried this time, but Harm wouldn't shut-up.
Harm held up two fingers and looked at them. His voice now strained, "I ate a cookie. A cookie worth 2 million dollars."
"Harm!" both Mac and Mattie shouted.
"What?" he turned around.
"It's okay," Mac laughed again.
"How is this okay?" he exclaimed. "I ate a cookie..."
"Worth 2 million dollars," Mac and Mattie finished and rolled their eyes. "We know."
"Then why is this okay?" he said, sounding defeated.
"Because you ate one of four cookies required to win," Mattie said, walking over and handed him the bag. "You see, the M stands for milk. You had to collect four cookies that spell the word "milk" before you could actually win the money, see?"
Harm stared at the bag and relief spread across his face. Mac walked over, still clearly amused by the entire situation and patted his shoulder. "Yeah, Harm. No use in crying over spilled milk!"
"Har, Har, Mac!" Harm playfully shoved her. "I nearly had a heart attack!"
After dinner, the three of them had set up a board game. Harm laughed again as he rolled the dice,"Imagine what I could've done with 2 million dollars."
"It would've been so awesome to have that money," Mattie said wistfully, then added, "It's a good thing you didn't eat a cookie with a picture of a milk carton on it."
"Yeah," Mac agreed. "That would've given you the grand prize instantly!"
Mac and Mattie laughed until they noticed Harm wasn't laughing with them.
"Harm?" Mac looked at him unbelievingly, because his face was so pale. Mac laughed nervously, "Harm. Don't tell me you ate a cookie with a milk carton on it."
Harm didn't answer, still giving his classic "deer caught in the headlights" look. He just shrugged and said, "Okay, I won't tell you."
Mattie stood up and yelled, "You ate the 2 million dollar cookie twice???"
A/N: If you haven't guessed, a few days ago I did eat a cookie from a package of Oreos that I thought was worth a million dollars. I know, what you're thinking. Why did I eat a cookie with a big M plastered on it? Because I was hungry. LOL. Anyway, after going through my trash to find the bag, I discovered I had to spell the word "milk" and that would've only made me eligible for a 100,000 dollar prize. So I lucked out, unlike Harm in my fic. LOL. Hope you enjoyed it.