Omniscience

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Warnings/notes : Otogi/Honda, slight hints at Seto/Joey and Yami/Yugi, slightly silly, dialogue-only ficlet.

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh. This ficlet is part of 'Bumperstickers turned YGO' meaning it's based on a saying found on digitalbumperstickers.com.

written at 26th december 2003, by Misura

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"To save time, let's just agree that I know everything."

- digitalbumperstickers.com

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"Hey, Honda, wait up!"

"What do you want?"

"My, my, someone's being grumpy today."

"Really? And who might that be?"

"You, of course!"

"I'm not grumpy. I'm simply not bouncing around wallowing in self-satisfaction and puffed up pride the way you do."

" ... You got that line from TV didn't you?"

"Actually, it was a book."

"And it's not true either. I'm not puffed up."

"You don't think you're the best-looking guy in the world? Not to mention the smartest?"

"Why, have you ever met anyone smarter or better-looking than me?"

" ... "

"See? I'm not being 'puffed up' when I think that, because it's true."

"That's ... "

"Besides, you think I'm attractive too."

"No I don't."

"You were staring at me all during Maths."

"No I wasn't."

"And you ogled me during gym, in the showers."

"No I didn't."

"And you drew little hearts around my name in English."

"What?!? How did you ... No I didn't."

"There's a word for what's bothering you, you know."

"I'm not in love with you."

"It's called 'being in denial'."

"I've no idea what you're talking about."

"So, you'd say you are not, in any way, in denial about something?"

"Nope."

"I rest my case."

" ... "

" ... "

"I'm -not- in denial."

" ... "

"I'm not!"

"I don't blame you, you know. I -am- gorgeous after all."

" ... "

"Ah, not going to deny that one?"

" ... "

"Anyway, after the way Shizuka blew you off, I'm not surprised you'd fix your affections elsewhere."

"And for whom did she pass me over, huh?"

"That's really not important at the moment, is it?"

"She didn't want to go out with me, 'cause -you- asked her first and she was too nice to say 'no' to you."

"Honda ... "

"Shizuka deserved someone a thousand times better than you."

"Well, yes. But such a being doesn't exist. And you're trying to change the subject."

"No I'm not."

"Denial, denial."

"No it's ... "

"Hah. Anyway, back to the more important matter. After all, Shizuka's far away in America right now, with her brother and his lover."

"Joey's such a lucky bastard sometimes."

"The key-word being 'sometimes' there. Besides, putting up with Seto's morning-, afternoon-, evening- and night-temper probably isn't all that pleasant."

"Hmmm, you do have a point there."

"So do you, on your head."

" ... "

" ... "

"My hair is just fine as it is."

"Of course, Honda."

"You still haven't answered my question by the way."

"What question?"

"What you want from me."

"Oh. Isn't that obvious?"

"Would I -ask- it if it was?"

"Well, maybe, yes. No offense, Honda, but you're not the brightest bulb in the world."

"That'd be you, I suppose."

"Right in one."

"You really are arrogant."

"I know what I'm worth. Nothing wrong with that."

"... "

"Now where were we? Oh yes, I was going to tell you what I want from you, since you weren't smart enough to figure it out on your own."

"Hey!"

"What? It's true."

"You don't have to make it sound so ... insulting."

"No, but it's fun to rile you up. A streak of sadism adds a bit of spice to my sugary charm."

"I don't want to know."

"Yes, you do. You're just being in denial, remember?"

"That's what -you- say."

"I applaud your powers of observation."

" ... "

" ... "

"That was another one of your sarcastic remarks, wasn't it?"

"I take back what I just said."

" ... "

"Do you ever dream about me, Honda?"

"What ... I don't have to tell you that."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

"It's a 'no'! Of course I don't dream about you!"

"Definitely a 'yes'."

"Why do you ask that anyway?"

"Because you wanted me to ask you that."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"What do you -want- from me?"

"To make your dreams come true."

" ... "

" ... "

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Really really?"

"Yes."

"You're going to find me the world's biggest doughnut and buy it for me?"

" ... "

" ... "

"No! And I thought -Joey- was the one with the giant doughnut-dreams."

"Well, seems like you were wrong, huh? So, not the giant doughnut ... hmmm, you're going to make a total fool out of yourself in front of Shizuka so that she'll come running into my arms and she and I will live happily ever after?"

"No! No, no and double no!"

"Oh. Then what dream were you talking about?"

"The one in which you bow down to my superior charm and charisma and become my obedient slave, for which I reward you in a way that'd give Yugi a nosebleed."

" ... "

" ... "

"You sure? I mean, with Yami having a body of his own, I'm not sure if Yugi's -that- easy to shock anymore."

"Honda!"

"What? It's true! Oh, and I don't have any dreams about you that way."

"Uh-huh."

"In fact, I don't dream about you, period."

"So ... my place or yours?"

OWARI