Flame: Excerpt


Umm, just a bit from Flame: Rewritten. I was just struck to write this, and so I did... But I'm not really sure if I should just use this as part of the first chapter, or as one of Rei's dream/memory-thingies. Prolly the first chapter, I guess, 'cause I like it so much :D

Iunno, well, anyway, I'd like some input on it. Comments, crit, anyone (constructively, please.)?

Gawd, I have issues with rewritting everything XD

(please note that this is just a SECTION of the story. A rough draft. I need opinions!)


Walking into an unknown object, I stumbled and fell, slicing my leg on a sharp piece of debris, or maybe a rock. Did it really matter?

Blinking wearily, I reached a hand up to rub my eyes and stopped in disgust. My glove was already soaked through with blood and God-knows-what; touching my eyes, no matter what was in them, was out of the question. All that would get me was an infection.

And what was it that I'd tripped on-

Oh, God.


Biting my lip to keep from screaming (but why did I even bother? There was no one left to hear.), until the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. I spit it out. It didn't matter. It didn't make a difference. I was already sitting in a pool of it.

Everything was covered, soaked, drenched in it.

A cracking sound met my ears and seemed to echo inside my head as my back met with the broken- and very sharp- wall (or part of it, anyway), that used to belong to the inner courtyard of the palace, as I shoved myself away from . . .from that.

It used to be beautiful.

And so did she, for that matter.

Because what, what had I run into?

Just a body.

A mangled, discoloured body.

The very dead body of Sailor Venus.

The once beautiful and valiant soldier of love and justice.

And what had that gotten her?

A painful, horrible death at the hands of the greatest evil.

Where was her justice now? Where was the love that she fought for? The love that she sought for so long, and never seemed to find?

"Where are you now, Minako," I whispered, fighting the rising urge to retch, as I looked over the twisted body, given this defeat by her very own weapon.

An image -an image of her face, as she struggled vainly, feebly to pry the Love Me Chain from her throat, from her body- flitted through my mind, and I began to shake. She'd died with that very look on her face- that desperate, horrified, screaming look.

Now I didn't try to keep from screaming.

Tears trickled down my cheeks as I rose and ran- or tried to, anyway- away from Venus. Dodging and stumbling over upturned trees, bushes, flowers and statues, I came to a stop before what looked like the remains of the kitchens, assuming this from the various pipes poking out, and the stench of something gone bad.

Casting my eyes around the area, I saw that I was surrounded by debris. It seemed that the only was out was up- unless I was willing to go back. Shaking my head angrily, I began to climb. As I neared the top, and ignored all my lovely new cuts and scrapes, something seized my ankle. My head snapped back and I saw- with increasing disgust- a bloody, half-dead youma about to self-destruct, apparently bent on taking me down with it.

"Like hell!" I screamed, red beginning to creep in my eyes. Grabbing onto what appeared to be its face, I held on tight, nails digging into its skin as I screamed my enchantment. "Burning Mandala!"

As the fire roared from my hand, I was flung back and over the debris, rolling down the pile and landing painfully on the other side, nearly colliding with Jupiter. Spitting the hair, dirt, and rock from my mouth, I grimaced as I pushed myself into a sitting position. Eyes finally landing on Jupiter, who was partially propped up against half a refrigerator, I gaped.

Bone protruded at unnatural angles all over her body, and she was visibly shaking. Her long, chestnut hair had come out from its holder-which I duly noted lying nearby, nearly crushed into dust- and hung in her face. Her emerald green eyes peered at me from underneath the matted hair, damp and covered in dirt- mud, actually- and something flicked within them. Her mouth opened and her lips moved soundlessly, as she tried to speak, only to find she could not. She coughed, hacking, blood and spittle flying from her lips. I winced as some of the cool liquid landed on my face, but made no move to wipe it off.

Again, the proud warrior of thunder tried to speak- tried to tell me something-, and a hoarse, weak whisper came.

"Please . . ." As the soft plea fell, a bubble of blood forced itself up from within her, exploding as it reached her lips. The light slowly faded from her eyes, and the late Sailor Jupiter, moving in slow motion, fell forward, landing prone in my lap.

I blinked rapidly to keep the tears from falling- again-, and once more failed as warm, salty tears dripped off my cheeks and onto Jupiter.

"Oh," I whispered, carefully turning the body to rest on its back. "Oh, no," murmuring a soft chant for the peace of the deceased's soul, I gently brushed the hair from the face of my bravest friend.

Clenching my fists tightly, nails digging deep into my palms, I stood. Turning, I began to limp away, dully noting a throbbing pain in my ankle and that I was missing a shoe.

As I began my slow march onward, to whatever the future held, my courage failed me. My eyes closed of their own accord, and on shaking legs I moved forward, praying that there was nothing- or no one- in my way. Given the fact that Jupiter was behind me, I knew that Neptune and Uranus had to be somewhere in front of me, and I would not be able to handle seeing them. They weren't necessarily close friends, but I'd already seen my fill of comrade's bodies for one day.

Unfortunately for me, the grounds ahead were positively littered with them.