A/n: okay, so yes i have received many emails from many people and you all thought i left you hanging. but do i ever leave things unresolved between rory and tristan? of course not! and to be fair, i did say it would be a while before i could update because i was going on vacation. and then i just got out of habit... anyhoo, i'm done with the excuses. so in celebration of the US fifth season premiere tonight, here's a new chapter.

oh, and this IS NOT the end. there will be more, but with school and all i can't update everyday like i used to. but no worries, i won't leave you guys hanging for another three months!

Oh and by the way, this song is called NOT MYSELF by JOHN MAYER. So if you're looking for it, it's on his album ROOM FOR SQUARES

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore girls or the characters or anything like that from Gilmore girls. I also don't own the rights to the song not myself by john mayer.

Suppose I said

I am on my best behavior

And there are times

I lose my worried mind?

Rory awoke to the sound of Tristan's guitar. She could make out his singing from her open window.

Would you want me when

I'm not myself?

Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said

Colors change for no good reason

And words will go

From poetry to prose

Listening quietly to the song, Rory got out of bed and crept towards the staircase. Walking was painful, but she didn't want to be alone. She didn't want Tristan to be alone.

Would you want me when

I'm not myself?

Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I, in time, will come around

I always do

For you

She stopped at the open door. He was sitting on the porch swing under a blanket to protect himself from the chilly wind that was blowing. She leaned against the doorframe, seeking support for her aching body.

Suppose I said

You're my saving grace

There were no more lyrics, but Tristan strummed on absentmindedly. Her heart broke for him, watching him slumped over the guitar. She had never seen him look so weak and tired. The sadness that had been plaguing Rory deepened. It was her fault Tristan was in so much pain. She had let him become part of Bess' life, and now he was mourning for a child that he hadn't fathered.

In that moment she realized what an amazing person he was. It was as if a shield had been lifted off her eyes. Sitting in front of her for all this time had been an amazing man, giving up his whole life just to keep Rory happy. And all she had ever done was stomp on his heart; squashing all dreams he had ever made for the future.

Rory's thoughts flashed back four years to the night of that party. They had both been in pain that night, both had been seeking comfort. And they had found it in one another. True, their kiss had caused Rory to run away. And it was also true that their heartache had been so minimal compared to what they were feeling at the moment. But Rory realized the biggest truth was that she was seeking comfort, and the only person who could give it to her was Tristan.

She mentally shook herself. She had just lost her child. It was completely inappropriate to think about kissing guys. She just leaned there, fresh guilt now added to all of her pain and sorrow.

"That was beautiful," Rory finally said from the door when the strumming ceased. Tristan looked up in surprise. He got off the porch swing and walked over to her.

"You're not supposed to be out of bed."

"You're not supposed to be walking without your crutches."

Defeated, Tristan took her hand and together they hobbled to the swing. She settled down next to him and he spread the blanket over her. She rearranged it so that they were sharing it.

"When did you learn how to play?"

"Military school. My roommate taught me."

"That was a sad song."

"I'm finding it a bit of a challenge to muster up enough energy to think of anything happy, let alone sing about it."

Rory nodded and scooted a little closer to him. It was mid Novemberand there was a brisk wind that occasionally stirred the colorful leaves strewn about the front lawn.

It was their first full day home from the hospital. Lorelai was staying with them so she could help out around the house and be their 'nurse.' Both Rory and Tristan knew that she wouldn't be much of a help with the cooking or the cleaning; that's why Luke was going to bring them dinner tonight. But nonetheless they had to humor Lorelai and let her come; after all, she was still worried that Rory wasn't okay.

"Lorelai's going to make you get back in bed when she comes home from the supermarket," Tristan told her.

"She'll be gone awhile longer. She's probably lost, she doesn't know where it is."

Tristan nodded. They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the leaves that occasionally dropped from the large tree.

"My mom told me something interesting this morning," Rory finally said, breaking the long silence.

He turned to look at her.

"Um, she told me that you told the police officer that I was your fiancée."

Tristan nodded. "I probably did, I don't remember much about that night."

"And when we got the call that I was…pregnant with Bess," she said with some difficulty, "I heard you tell the nurse I was your fiancée then also. I didn't ask you about it because I figured you said that so she would release the information to you. But why did you say it this time?"

"I don't know. Maybe because I want it to be true so badly. I'm sorry. I know we have kind of an unspoken agreement not to cross into that territory, and I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. But it's the truth Ror."

"It doesn't make me uncomfortable," she said. "Maybe it's time we talk about it."

"What is there left to say?"

"Dean isn't standing in the way anymore."

He looked at her quizzically.

"He came to visit me in the hospital," she explained. "I let him go."

"Let him go?"

"He deserves to have a happy future with Lindsay and his children. I don't want to be responsible for holding him back."

"That was very big of you."

"I told him the truth about Bess."

"What did he say?"

"That he had a feeling she was his."

He simply nodded. His mind was still contemplating what she had said a minute ago; Dean isn't standing in the way anymore. Did that mean that there was a chance for them to be together? His heart skipped a beat at the thought. But he sighed inwardly, scolding himself for getting his hopes up and for expecting Rory to find love amidst all this tragedy.

"Do you think," she said quietly, "that if we tried, would we make it?"

Tristan took her hand and looked into her sad blue eyes. "I know we would."

"How are you so sure?"

"You're my best friend. We make each other happy."

"We're not happy now."

Tristan nodded. "I love you Ror, and I know you're not there yet, but I want this so bad."

"I want it too," she whispered.

For the first time in days Tristan smiled. He leaned in and kissed her softly.