Title: Nobody's Girl Friday
Author: hold-that-thought
Summary: Lilah plays the role of Angel's sidekick, much to everyone's chagrin.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Through Home.
Feedback: Greatly appreciated (APostModernSleazaol.com)
Archive: More than likely okay, but please ask first
Disclaimer: The characters used within are the property of Mutant Enemy, Twentieth Century Fox, and of course Joss Whedon. It's their sandbox, I'm just playing in it.
Notes: (Completed 3/20/04) Written for the Icon Drabble Challenge, per Inyron's request.

Sometimes, Lilah considered writing 'kill kill kill' all over a legal pad and leaving it in Angel's office. Blame it on evil hand issues or something. It would be an amusing way to blow off steam. And, with Wesley on a month-long expedition to the Andes, it was currently the only way of blowing off steam.

Lilah wasn't writing 'kill kill kill' at the moment. Instead, she was jotting down the bare essentials of what Angel was saying. Blah blah, meeting with K'vorak demons, blah blah, get them to stop eating babies, blah blah we need to mediate blah. She only got the gist because, hi, lawyer -- not trained secretary or girl friday. This was normally where she'd shrug and say, hey, beats Hell. But Angel'd been feeling the Big Cosmic Angst more than usual lately, and the trickle-down of all that misery led to straight to Lilah.

For someone with preternatural vampire senses, Angel never did seem to notice when she crumbled a few Valium into his mug of blood. Unfortunately, even two little blue wonders had done nothing to calm him down today.

"Lilah, are you listening to me?"

"Not if I can help it."

Angel scowled and leaned back in his desk chair. "You know, this meeting is very important."

"Which is probably why I suggested it." Scratch, scratch, scratch...Lilah made three jagged lines in the margin of her pad.

A sigh. "Would you stop acting like a sullen child?"

That made her laugh. If ever the pot....

Before she could conjure up the perfect witty rejoinder, a ten-foot purple demon biker burst through the door.

"Bossie," Harmony shouted over the cacophony, "I tried telling him you didn't have a 10:30!"

"Where's mah money?!" the demon roared, planting itself in front of Angel's desk. Lilah quietly slid her chair away. "Ah wants mah money!"

"All monetary transactions are handled through the billing department," Angel said, calmly staring up at the massive demon.

"Ah wants mah money!" the demon repeated. It reached over the desk and easily plucked Angel out of his chair.

"Miss Morgan, should I call security or something?" Harmony hissed.

"What for? This poor guy just wants his money. So what if he's willing to kill Bossie for it? That seems fair. I say faster, pussycat." Lilah grinned and gave the demon a thumbs up and a wink.

"I'll go call security." Harmony turned and ran towards the reception desk.

"Ah wants mah money!" the demon shouted, shaking Angel back and forth. Damn if his legs didn't flail just like a puppet. Maybe it was gonna be a good day after all.

"Uh, little help here?" Angel said, struggling to twist out of the demon's grip.

"What do you want me to do about it?" Lilah asked.

"Sword, maybe?"

"Sorry, you seem to have me confused with Coma Barbie. I'm not your new Xena."

"Ah wants mah money!" The demon slammed Angel against his desk. "Gives me mah money!"

Angel made several gagging noises. "Goddammit, Lilah, if you don't get off your ass--"

"Threats are kinda passé when one's already dead," she smiled. Angel's head was starting to turn a couple interesting colors, and his arms batted uselessly at his captor. "Oh, for chrissake." She rolled her eyes and pulled out her cellphone, hitting four on speed dial.

Finally, a scratchy voice wheezed across the line. "Toliver."

"It's Lilah Morgan. There's a Lundix demon at the office."



"Hn...yeah." A few screeches. "Yeah, okay."

Lilah snapped the cellphone shut. A second later, the air around the demon started to hum, and with a pop he was gone.

Angel went tumbling backwards just before Gunn ran in, flanked by three guards.

"Angel, man, you okay?" Gunn asked, running over and helping him to his feet.

"Yeah. Where were you guys when the giant purple demon was knocking down my door?" he grumbled.

"Sir, where is the rogue?" one of the guards asked.

"It's taken care of. Lilah used her...." He waved in her general direction.

She held up her phone and smirked. "You use your weapons, I'll use mine. But don't get any ideas -- still not your Xena." Angel glowered and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm gonna take a long lunch," she announced, turning and leaving.

It was definitely gonna be a good day after all.