A/N: Okay, this was inspired by all the anti- Raoul and anti- Cosette fics out there. I mean seriously, when I typed in 'Cosette' in the search button, more then half of 'em were about Eponine and how much better she is then Cosette. And when I typed in 'Raoul'... most of the ones with Raoul in the summary had the word 'anti' or the words 'I hate' or 'Don't read if you like' before the poor boy's name. So am I bitter about the destruction and hatred of two of my favorite characters of all time? Yeah. (I actually do like the characters of Erik and Eponine... just not the OOC way a lot of people portray them.) So if you don't like Cosette or Raoul, don't read. I don't read the ones that trash their innocent characters.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything I write about except for the plot. If I actually owned the characters, I'd sue all the Raoul and Cosette bashers out there.

Once upon a time there was a sweet, beautiful, and innocent girl (who was, quite remarkably, sane) who grew up in a convent and was always kind to everyone. She had a tendency to daydream, and fell in love with a young student she had seen in a garden. However, this story does not really concern her.

It concerns a filthy and disgusting gamine with slight problems with sanity and had suicidal tendencies who tried to get the first girl's boyfriend killed.

Once (again) upon a time there was a kind, handsome, and sane Vicomte who enjoyed swimming and fetching things. He became a patron of the Opera Populaire (in some versions) after being a sailor for a while, and fell in love with an opera singer who he had met and spent a summer with when they were both younger. However, this story doesn't really concern him either.

It concerns the crazy genius who lived in the Opera, who tried to kill him, pretty much killed his brother, and who kidnapped the Vicomte's girlfriend and tried to force said opera singer to marry him against her will.

Well, it turns out that the masses adore the crazy, dark, and suicidal ones with obsessive- compulsive tendencies and so completely ignored the kind and brightly happy characters that actually end up the victor in the love triangle.

So Cosette (the name of the sane and gentle girl) and Raoul (the name of the sane and gentle guy) were kidnapped, gagged and bound, and slammed into a broom closet.

While this was going on, various fan- fic authoresses distorted the tragic figures of Eponine (the crazy girl) and Erik (the crazy man) and set them up with the various objects of affection.

In Eponine's case, there was the cutely befuddled penniless student Marius, and in Erik's case, there was the (also cutely befuddled) talented soprano Christine.

The authoresses congratulated themselves on such an obvious solution: giving happy endings to the people who did not originally have happy endings and incarcerating the people who originally had had the happy endings. But they didn't count on Marius and Christine realizing that something was wrong....