I own the director. All the other ones – Mulan, the gang of 3, Mushu, Li Shang and so on – belong to Disney. Maybe I'll put more figures in later.
You have to excuse me for my terrible English. My brain doesn't like me.
Chapter 1 – Cut my hair? Are you kidding me, man?
Once upon a time, there was a girl named Mulan. She lived in China with her father, her mother, her grandma, her dog, her horse, a rooster and lots of hens. She was a perfect daughter and had very good chances to be a perfect wife... no, no, wait a minute, that was totally wrong. She was the most shameful daughter and becoming wife ever. One day, a snobbish man named Chi Fu came to Mulan's village and told the people that the Huns, with a fat (and very, very evil) man called Shan-Yu in the lead, had invaded China and that one man from every family had to become a soldier and join the Chinese army in the war against the Huns. The only man in Mulan's family was her father, and he was too old for fighting. So, Mulan decided to dress up herself as a man and join the army instead of her father.
"Hey, CUT!" screams Mulan. "I don't want to dress up like a sweaty soldier for that old man, he'll die soon anyway, why should I risk my life for him?"
The Director sighs. "Because he is your father, you don't want him to die, and, according to the script, you have to do it."
"Really? Can't I skip it?"
"No, you can't."
"Oh, all right then, but I don't like it", pouts Mulan.
"I don't care if you like it or not. Anyway, Mulan cut off her long, silky hair..."
"Wait a second, I like my hair!"
The Director closes his eyes. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... You get 100 000 Swedish crowns for doing this movie, so YOU HAVE TO ACT AS THE SCRIPT TELLS YOU TO ACT!"
"WHAT? I'll get Swedish crowns? I want dollars!" exclaims Mulan.
"But you'll not get dollars. We don't have any dollars to give you. Just act and do not be a baby!"
She cuts off her long, silky hair and takes her father's armour. She whistles for her horse, Khan, and rides to the Wu Zhong training camp for becoming soldiers.
Meanwhile, in the temple of the ancestors of the Fa family, the oldest ancestor wakes up and calls for Mushu, a little dragon.
Mushu wakes up and falls down to the temple floor.
"I liiiive! So tell me what mortal needs my protection Great Ancestor. You just say the word and I'm there."
"Mushu, you have to wake the ancestors, not to scream like you're trying to break everyone's eardrums."
"All right. WAAAAKE UP, SLEEPING BEAUTIES!"
The ancestors of the Fa family wake up and ask the Great Ancestor what's going on.
"Read in your scripts", answers the Great Ancestor, very irritated. "Why do you want me to tell you everything?"
The ancestors read their scripts and discuss what they should do.
"Cut! You're supposed to be struggling, not collaborate!" interrupts the Director.
"Hey, we all are over 120 and up!" Ancestor 1 sounds offended. "We are too old for struggling!"
"Yes, we aren't 10 anymore!" agrees Ancestor 2.
"I think we should let a guardian take care of Mulan", suggests Ancestor 3.
"I've got it", smiles Mushu. "Let me go."
It seems like the ancestors are thinking of it seriously.
"OK, Mushu, you can go", says the Great Ancestor at last. "But, before you leave, take this lucky bug with you as your companion. His name is Cri-Kee. Actually, I don't know if he's really IS a lucky bug, he could also be an un-lucky bug..."
The little purple cricket tells the Great Ancestor something in cricket-language. "Chirp chirp!"
"Oh? You mean you aren't a lucky bug?" asks the Great Ancestor. Then he shrugs it off. "Eh, whatever. Go now, and do your best to protect the honour of the Fa family!"
The Director looks like he's having a hard time restraining himself from choking the actors. "Gngngnnn..."
"Bye!" calls Mushu.
"Bye!" The Ancestors wave with handkerchiefs, as if they were princesses whose princes had gone off to kill a dragon. (A big dragon that is, not a wimpy little one like Mushu.)
Mulanis very close to the Wu Zhong camp, but she is taking a rest because she has to learn how to act like a man.
"Ahem, excuse me, where do I sign in?" She speaks in her best bass voice, which, to be honest, isn't much of a bass voice at all. "Hah, I see you have a sword. I have one too. They're very manly and tough!" She tries to draw her sword, but drop it to the ground and cuts herself in the finger.
"OUCH! MY FINGER!"
"That hurts", says the Director with sympathy.
"You don't have to tell me that."
"Here's some plaster."
"Thanks." She puts the plaster on her finger and looks at it with more irritation than concern. "It's going to take a miracle to heal this."
Suddenly, a voice can be heard from behind a shrubbery.
"Did I hear someone ask for a miracle? Let me hear you say aye!"
"Why, yes, I asked for a miracle... and I am too old for screaming 'aye', I'm not 10 anymore."
"Hrmf. Anyway, your ancestors have sent me to protect you as your Guardian. My name is Mushu."
"But I'm 17 years old, I don't need any Guardian, I can take care of myself."
The Director interrupts her. "CUT! Mulan, Mushu is supposed to join you as your Guardian. We have to follow the script."
Mushu shows himself. "Pretty hot, huh?"
"What?" exclaims Mulan. "Am I supposed to have a little red lizard as my Guardian?"
"Breath, just breath..." The Director tries to calm himself down. "Yes, you are."
"And, actually, I am a dragon", says Mushu angrily. "D-R-A-G-O-N. And this is Cri-Kee. If you think I am strange because I'm red, look at him, he's purple!"
"Pleasure", answers Mulan. "Well, I suppose I don't have any choice if I want you two with me or not, so, let's go folks!"
Please tell me what you think!
Goddess Of Idun