Long-winded

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Warnings/notes : Bakura/Ryou, slightly silly, short one-shot, major ooc.

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

written at 22nd may 2004, by Misura, for a challenge in the lj community anichallenge that required the use of the first line, made by jadeemperor.

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"I am the only one you will ever have," Bakura told Ryou.

"Hm," Ryou replied, apparently neither impressed nor in the mood for conversation. In fact, he didn't even look up from his homework, which was nothing short of rude, in Bakura's opinion.

"If anyone'd even -think- of touching you, I'd banish their souls to the Shadow Realm, where they would dwell in eternal misery, while the shadows slowly devoured them. Bit by bit. After ten seconds in that place, they'd be begging me to kill them, but I would be deaf to their pleas."

Bakura interrupted his speech for a few moments to give Ryou an opportunity to make admiring remarks.

"You'd better not let Yami hear you stole the Millennium Eye," Ryou said, scribbling something down in his note-book. "He'd probably be rather angry with you."

Bakura frowned. "What are you talking about? I haven't stolen -anything- these past weeks. Of course," he added, in an unwelcome moment of truthfulness, "I wouldn't -tell- you if I -had- stolen the Millennium Eye, but I -haven't-."

Ryou stared at him for a full three seconds. "Then how do you intend to see what people are thinking about me?"

"It's ... a figure of speech!" Watching all those movies had done wonders for his conversational skills, Bakura reflected happily. Or, to be more precise, his skills at weasling his way out of a sticky situation.

"Right," Ryou muttered, in a tone that indicated the opposite. "How about the 'sending people to the Shadow Realm'-part? You can't do that anymore, now that you've got a body of your own."

"I had forgotten about that," Bakura defended himself. Which was at least halfway true. He -had- been doing his best to forget about the loss of his powers, because, well, it just -sucked- to be an evil, psychotic villain without them.

Fortunately, most people tended to get out of his way when he threatened them, without giving him any chance to make good on his words. Yugi's friends excepted, of course, but that only meant he adapted his threats a little, saying things like 'let me pass or I'll tell Ryou you were mean to me', which was, admittedly, very childish.

Ryou thought he was being cute though. The term 'cute' was rather insulting, actually, yet Bakura was willing to overlook that small detail. It was the sentiment that counted.

Kaiba used to call Joey 'cute' too, but only an idiot like, well, Joey, would take that as an insult. It had taken Bakura a mere five times of watching the two of them argue to figure out that when Kaiba said Joey was being 'cute', what he -really- meant was 'making me feel like dragging him off to a secret location to molest him'.

The logical conclusion was that Ryou too indicated he wished to be ravished by using the term 'cute' to describe Bakura. To which Bakura understandably had no objection whatsoever.

"All right then, how about this : if anyone -looks- like he's going to touch you - what is it -now-?" Bakura snapped as Ryou raised one eyebrow.

"Nothing. I just noticed that you said 'he'. Does that mean it's okay if a girl touches me?" Ryou inquired innocently and wide-eyed.

Bakura glared at him. "No, that's not okay. Now, where was I? If anyone looks like he - or she - is going to touch you, I'll cut off their - "

"I put your collection of knives behind lock and bar, remember?" Ryou interrupted him -again. Even if the boy did have a point, Bakura still felt he was being very inpolite.

"I'll whack them over the head -really- hard," Bakura amended. "And make them listen to your singing in the shower." Compared to 'I'll send you to the eternal suffering of the Shadow Realm', 'I'll hit you over the head' sounded quite ... weak. But the 'and make you listen to my hikari's singing' definitely added some flair.

"You'd let them see me -naked-?" Ryou asked.

Bakura stared at him in horror. "Over my dead body! No, wait, make that over -their- dead body."

"Well, I'm not going to shower with my clothes still on, only because you feel like being sadistic," Ryou informed him.

Bakura blinked, then pouted. "Do you have to ruin -everything- for me? I'm making an attempt to tell you how I feel about you here, and you keep poking fun at my efforts." He hadn't yet mastered the 'wobbly and tearful eyes'-routine, but he felt he was improving every day.

Soon enough, Ryou would find him 'cute' all the time. Bakura was quite confident about that.

Ryou sighed. "I'm done with my homework. Would you like to watch a movie?"

Bakura perked up. Well, not that he had been even half as depressed as he had pretended to be, but it wouldn't do to let that show now, would it?

"Sure. Which one? Can I make popcorn?" After TV, Bakura considered either the microwave or popcorn the most useful invention people had come up with these past five-thousand years.

Ryou smiled. "You can be so cute sometimes. I'd almost forget ... "

"Of course, we can always go to bed early for once," Bakura proposed, hearing his cue. "You're looking a bit pale and tired, Ryou. I think you need some rest."

"And I'm going to get that by going to bed?" Ryou snorted.

OWARI