Once more too lazy to write an intro. So sue me. The characters aren't mine, as always, and the lyrics belong to Nightwish. I changed the order of some of the lyrics around to fit the story better; nothing too drastic. Plus this has not been beta'd, since ShelobTinuviel has been away without internet access half the fricking summer. ::grumble grumble:: Anyhow, enjoy!
IV. Feel for You
You were my first love
The earth moving under me
Bedroom scent, beauty ardent
Distant shiver, heaven sent
I watched her grow from a child to a woman in the halls of Meduseld. For a time we continued to be close, but gradually we saw less of each other. I became quite busy with matters of the country as Théoden's councilor, and she suddenly had no time for her unsightly companion as her teenage years grew nigh. Never was she unfriendly, but we simply grew apart as she grew older. This was only understandable, and I kept myself occupied in aid of the king.
It continued this way for several years, I believe from the time when Éowyn was barely thirteen until she was sixteen. By then we were hardly speaking, save for the exchange of polite pleasantries. I noted that she was growing up beautifully, but thought little more of it.
It was around this time that Saruman the White bade me do his work in Edoras. A simple task, he assured me: to diminish the strength and will of Théoden King. The wizard used a good deal of flattery, saying that in a race of crude, simple, bestial people I was the sole intelligent one. He pointed out that Théoden depended on me for so much and that without me the kingdom would be nothing.
He promised me anything I wanted. "Name your desire," he said with a voice that rang clear and enticing, "and when you have completed this task to satisfaction I shall grant it."
I knew not exactly what his intentions were for Rohan, but it was clear they were dark. I questioned him of this and he waved the inquiry aside with his long hand.
"You shall no longer have to live among the riffraff of Rohan," he declared. "You shall be wealthy, powerful. You will no longer play servant to a king of dogs!"
What he promised was enough to tempt any man of ambition, and so I accepted, saying that I needed only a little time to decide what it was I wanted most in the world.
With Saruman's influences, I began to gain a greater control over Théoden's mind. He would not make a decision about the kingdom without first consulting me. From there it continued until I could suggest something to him, and nine times out of ten he would make a policy out of it immediately. I rarely saw Éowyn, so engrossed I was with my task.
But one night I finally did see her. She was seventeen and looked as one of the Valier come to walk before my very eyes, wearing a white dress that flattered her womanly shape which I had barely noticed previously. Rays of moonlight came through the window and shone on her golden hair and sparkled in her eyes. These seemed to still flicker with the rebellious spirit I had known her for when she was young. She was walking briskly through the hall, and I had stopped in awe of her.
"Good evening, Councilor Gríma," she said with a smile as she passed.
"Good evening," I managed to say without faltering, watching her continue on her way.
It was then that I knew what it was I desired. I went to Saruman and told him of her, how she was what I wanted above everything else.
The wizard looked at me in scrutiny. "I offer you riches, power beyond anything you can image, and all you wish for is a woman? Why do you simply not take her and be done with it?"
This was unthinkable. "My lord, what you have asked of me requires caution and subtlety. Théoden must trust me, and, respectfully, I hardly think raping his niece would be the proper way to achieve that."
"Very well, then," said Saruman. "You shall have this Éowyn wench if it is your wish." I nearly objected to the term he used for her; he spat her name out as if it caused an unpleasant taste in his mouth. She was no common wench; she was noble, regal, perfect. I thought to speak would be unwise, however, and so I kept silent.
"But when you are through with the king," he continued, "he shall neither show a care nor comprehend it no matter what you do to the girl." He handed me several vials containing clear liquids. "Put a small dosage of this in his goblet each night. His health will diminish and he will become more dependent on you than ever."
I did as I was told and began to slip the slow poison into Théoden's drink. He began to grow weary and weak despite the fact that he was not a very old man. For a time nothing was suspected, and I assured the worried court that Théoden was merely a little ill. However, people began to talk. As my influence over the king grew, they suspected that something was amiss. I then obtained the title of Wormtongue, which like a scar I carry to this day. Éomer adopted use of the name rather quickly, but Éowyn did not, as if she did not want to believe that the Golden Hall housed a traitor. I suppose that she eventually came to notice hoe my eyes would long linger on her, and then she too turned on me.
I'm the snow on your lips
The freezing taste, the silvery sip
I'm the breath on your hair
Endless nightmare, devil's lair
I refused to give up on her. I would watch her from the shadows; I would catch her alone that I might speak to her. Her responses were cordial but curt, and she would end any conversation as quickly as possible. I believe she began to dread my presence, but I cared little. While I did not wish to make her unhappy, I needed to speak with her, I needed to see her. It was essential for my survival, and for my sanity.
I fancied her mine; I, doglike, would do anything for a kind glance or an approving word. Her smile alone was worth any effort, however rarely it was shown.
Saruman's next order was to have Théoden decree a cease of the Orc-hunts which protected Rohan from siege. It was all too easy. I told the torpid king that whether a few stray Orcs roamed the borders of the Mark was not important, because Edoras was fortified. In seconds I convinced him that as king he had far more important things to do than risk his soldiers' lives on pointless hunts, and from then on, Théoden no longer authorized them.
Only so many times I can say I long for you
The lily among the thorns, the prey among the wolves
Perhaps Éowyn was lily-fair, but she was not without her own thorns. She came to downright despise me as the king forbade his Riders to go on hunts without his consent. She was not like the great lumbering fools which inhabited most of Edoras. She was clever and shrewd, seeing through me when some still did not.
Nor was she helpless, despite that her fate – unbeknownst to her – had already been determined by the accord I had with Saruman. It seemed that she made a point of practicing her swordplay constantly, as if in warning to me should I attempt to usurp the throne or take advantage of her. I would watch her as she did this, enraptured by her grace and her cold resolve. Sometimes she would notice me, lurking in the shadows, and she would cast me a haughty glace and carry on with twice the strength. This, of course, only served to heighten my admiration. But often she would be so consumed by what she was doing that I would remain unseen. I would stand silently and marvel at her poise, the way her hair shone and flew about her as she turned, the unfaltering motions of her slender body, the way her steel-grey eyes narrowed in concentration. There was nothing about her which I did not love – her rare musical laugh, her scorn for me, her harsh glares, and her light footsteps. All I needed was to be near her, for I held the promise of having her at last ever in my mind.
Someday I will feed a snake
Drink her venom, stay awake
With time all pain will fade
Through your memory I will wade
It is this thought which sustains me. She will be mine someday, without a doubt. I will save her. From what I now understand, Saruman intends to destroy the people of Rohan. It is likely that those who are not slain will be made thralls, and kept in chains save when they are called upon to do the wizard's bidding. But Éowyn shall never be stooped so low. She will be safe, protected by Saruman's promise.
Then she will understand. I will gain her trust, regain her friendship, and possess her heart. I have envisioned it a thousand times; it will be difficult but it can be done. All will be forgiven between us. Her hatred will dissolve and all her hurts will end. There will no longer be reason for her to despair, for she shall finally be recognized for the extraordinary woman she has become. She thinks she needs her uncle and her brother, thinks they love her. They cannot, for I see how oppressed she feels under their control. She wants strength, freedom, and power, and so she shall have it.
And she will not fear me; she will not loathe me and shudder at my presence. Life will not be a dreary pain for her anymore.
This one is for you
For you, only for you
Just give in to it, never think again
I feel for you
She does not seem to comprehend that I know her as well as I know myself, if not better. When she smiles I am glad; when she mourns I too feel her sorrow. I understand her loneliness, how it preys like a grim specter upon the soul and leaves one empty.
When we met we were so similar, both shunned and longing to know about the world outside the high walls of Meduseld. Today I scheme and she dreams, but one thing the two of us has never changed: our desires for the unattainable. Then if was simply knowledge, and now it is my White Lady. But she has always wished for glory and renown such as are heard in the songs of old. She does not hide her desires as well as she thinks; I can tell by the way she wields her blade and tends lovingly to her horse that she tires of her position in Meduseld. She grows weary of tending to an old man when she is strong and bold; she resents being caged within the halls of her sires until the end of her days. I will take her away from this ignoble fate. Never then will she have to live in servitude. Never will she suffer.
Barely cold in her grave
Barely warm in my bed
Saruman was right: I could have her if it was my wish. I am not particularly strong, but it is likely that I could overpower her while she is unarmed and unsuspecting. Théoden would never know. Éowyn would never admit to having been raped, I am sure, so Éomer would not interfere either. No doubt her retribution, though, would be swift and wrathful, and she would slay me as soon as she could.
But none of this analysis is necessary, for I have never nor would ever do this to my Éowyn. Never would I torment her so, never would I cause her such shame and anguish. No, when at last she is mine it will be by her consent and requited love. Then she will realize that she need not feel alone, that I know and love her like no other can.
She may now hate me, but in time I will set her free.
Settling for a draw tonight
Puppet girl, your strings are mine
Wanna review? See, Auri reviewed! Be cool like her and drop one by.
auri mynonys -- Thanks, any comparison to "Second Half of Scissors" is a massive compliment! Here's your plushie!