Summary: Jess's thoughts after "Last Week Fights, This Week Tights" based on the Ben Folds song "Wandering"

Disclaimer: As much as I wish Jess were all mine? He's not. sigh I wish I had a Jess...

Big thankees to Erin and Lydia for their input.

Wandering

Serves me right for letting her in the first time.

I should have known better.

This whole thing... This wandering... it's gotten me nothing.

I felt like I'd come full circle. Left a year ago and now I'm back... back here, and I feel as if it's all been for nothing.

Nothing.

She never really knew what she wanted anyways. Dean. Me. Dean. Somebody else. Who knows. I don't. She probably never will, either.

I wouldn't be too surprised to open the door one day in a month or so to find her there.

I won't.

I know I won't. She doesn't know where I live.

Hell, I don't know where the hell I'll be in a few months.

I was so sure...

I thought...

No.

I needed to believe that she could still love me.

She doesn't.

She really doesn't.

Huh.

Serves me right.

I should have called or written. I should have explained myself... said goodbye. I should have stayed in touch.

I just...

I couldn't.

I didn't know how.

I don't need her anyways.

I've got...

Nothing.

That's not true. Don't be a shithead.

I've got friends back home. Back in New York. That's home. That's always been home. Not Stars Hollow. Not California. Manhattan. I have people there who care about me. I've got Liz. And I still talk to Jimmy and Sasha and Lily. I've got them. I've got Luke.

And Dean was with her. God damn one track mind. I need a cigarette.

Still and all... Dean? He's married. What the hell?

Why should I care, anyways?

You love her, idiot.

I'll get over it.

I will.

Oh fuck.