TITLE: This Moment
EMAIL: Can't type it in the story, it won't format correctly. Check my author page if you'd like to email me.
ARCHIVE: No. Not without my permission.
FEEDBACK: If you want.
CATEGORY: Drama, Missing Scene (Scene Elaboration)
SPOILERS: Season 4, The Light
RATING: PG13 for mature topics
WARNINGS: Discussion of suicide.
SUMMARY: Jack finds Daniel on the balcony. Jack's POV.
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[Notes: I've been debating whether to post this here... or at all. I wrote this following the death of a girl I knew. She jumped from her apartment balcony. I think you can see the parallels. Take it for what it is, just a self-indulgent look at someone who succeeded where not all of us can. All I can say is no-one is alone, and nothing is forever. Take care.]
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"Daniel? What are you doing out here?" I can barely speak around the lump in my throat. He's on the ledge. He's on the goddamn ledge.
"None of it means anything."
I know those words. I've said those words. When Charlie died, I lived those words. None of it does mean anything... none of it did. Oh, but it does now. Right now means everything.
"Daniel, why don't you come inside here?"
Smooth one, Jack. That'll send him screaming back into the apartment. Why can't I think of what to say? This is too important. There has to be a magic word. Something that I can say that will make this all better.
"I tried. It just goes away."
That's the thing of it, Daniel. It all goes away. Even the bad stuff goes away. This moment is not the rest of your life... unless you allow it to be. Everything bad? It passes. It goes away. It gets better. I promise you, Daniel. I promise.
"Okay. Then we'll get it back."
Whatever you need, Daniel, we'll get it back. There are no other options. All of us; Carter, Teal'c, Hammond... hell, the whole damn base. We'll get it back.
"You can't get it back."
Are you reading my thoughts? Dammit, Daniel. I don't know what's stuck in that overactive mind of yours. What thought are you chasing inside there? What is it you think you lost? I can't help but think of everything and, crap, there are too many possibilities. Parents? Family? Childhood? Sha're? Abydos?
"Whatever's wrong, we'll fix it."
Even I can hear the desperation in my voice with that one.
"You don't even know what I'm talking about."
"No. No I don't."
No, God, I don't. I don't know. I'm trying. Please, God, don't let me lose you over something that I'm too damn dumb to figure out. Please God, don't let me mess up here. Not at this moment when it means so much.
"But come inside."
We can solve anything if you just come inside. We'll talk. We'll do something. Anything you want, anything you need. We'll be there.
He's confused but he's looking around for me like I'm the last life-jacket on the Titanic. I grip his arm, feeling the chill of his skin under the sweater. This has to be related to Barber's thing. This has to be. He's freezing. How the hell long have you been out here, Daniel? How long have you waited, knowing I'd show up? You did, didn't you? You held on.
Nothing is that bad.
Oh yeah. I'm here. Come inside, Daniel.