Chapter: 1- We meet again

The second in a series of my bad luck, I don't own the transformers... they just follow me around.

Why is it that once I find myself in a situation that seems perfectly perfect in any way shape or form, some how someone or something screws it up?!?!?! Wanna know what I'm talkin' about? Well as you all know, I changed my name and identity again and moved to the other side of the world and that was all fine and dandy until I decided to go scuba diving, which should be fun....

BUT IT WASN'T!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHY IT WASN'T FUN? NO YOU DON'T! but I'll tell you. As I was swimming around, minding my own business looking at the pretty fishies and coral... when I saw a shark. A big shark. A big metal shark. A BIG METAL SHARK NAMED SKYBITE!!!!!! and I'm pretty sure he remembered me.

I swam up to the boat and told the driver to step on it, but 'Mr. I'm a big scary shark robot' followed. Once we got to the docks, he jumped out and did his weird transformation thingy which kinda sounded like skkee skkuaa skkkuuuu skkoooo skooww.... alot of skkkk's.

ANYWAYS, all the people at the harbour were freaking out, I wanted to protect my identity as well as I could so I pretended to freak out as well; okay I wasn't pretending to freak out... I THOUGHT I GOT RID OF THESE WEIRDOS IN JAPAN!

Mr. Skybite started making one of his long dreary speeches about something... I wasn't paying attention, I got bored half way then picked me up, "You look familiar... have we met before?"

YES! He knows, he knows, he's met me before... he just didn't know from where! What did I say? I don't know. "errrr. Je ne parlez englais pas?"

"You have horrible french for a human,"

"HEY I'M TRYING!" I snapped at him, I really was trying but french is such a hard language to learn.

"So you do speak English." Uh-oh...

"No I don't," I lied.... again.... "I only know that part and this sentence explaining that I don't speak English." I saw that on the Family Guy... oh please work!

"Really? Oh well than I guess I never met you before... and I bet that you've never met the autobots either," THIS GUY IS AN IDIOT! "pardon?"

"In fact I could tell you that we have found a large about of enegron in the Caribbean and are planing to take it all so that we will become all powerful and destroy the autobots and rule the Universe!" Oh great, that means the autobots are gonna come here... Why does Megatron even TRY? It never works out and they always loose.

"Laissez-moi veuillez partir Monseir..... errrr..... J'ai une famille que a besoin de mon aide... si quelque arrivait a moi, ils mourrait tout!" Take that Mr. 'You don't speak frence' (For those of you ho don't speak the language of love: Please let me go Mister.... I have a family that needs my help, if something happened to me, they would all die) Such a lie..... when will I learn.... NEVER!

How shocking, Skybite actually knows french? we learn something everyday. He put me down, said he was sorry and sent me on my merry way- It's times like these when I really truly pity the poor oaf, but now was not the time. I had to get out of there, for where there's predicons there will soon be......

Autobots. Speak of the devil guess who came rolling out of the global-space bridge? Why the Autobot brothers and their fearless-leader, Optimus Prime. Now I know that they saved my life, twice and Sideburn seems to think I'm his friend so I had to do what I thought was the most logical action.... I ran away and hid behind a dirty old building. What? Oh and you would just be running up all happy to some giant robots who know you are a wanted criminal?! You're forgetting about Prowl! He's a cop car! geeze....

I was safely hidden while the two enemies preformed the same old speech... This is how I remember it:

Optimus: It's over Skybite we have stopped your fiendish plans now go away!

Skybite: Muahahahaha! You cannot stop me for I am Skybite and I like to write Haikus... here's one for you... I will kick your ass, Beat you with the ugly stick, The same that hit me.

X-Brawn: Yeeeeehaw I'm a cowboy

Sideburn: I'm going to go look for some hot red sports car even though they are not robots like us transformers

Prowl: I'm going to go ruin some peoples day because I am a stupid cop and I have flashy red and blue lights so I think I'm better than everyone.

........... WELL THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE LIKE!!!!!

and Skybite replied with his same old bla bla bla speech about how Megatron will rule the Universe and he started talking about something called energon whatever that is and that they found a huge amount of it here. Bad guy's are so stupid! why would you tell your enemies what you're planning to do?! If 'I' was Skybite I would have said: "Oh hello Autobots, I'm not doing anything evil today I'm just sitting on the nice sunny beach trying to find a guy who's selling sombreros.... Oh that's Mexico! Silly me, I guess I'll be on my way." THAT is much better than saying, "I'm going to do this and that and take over the would and now that you know my plans I'm going to hope I can go through with them without you stopping me"

ANYWAYS, I'm hiding in an abandoned house, the people left obviously because giant robots were running around. Did I mention that I was still wet from scuba diving? and there was no floor just dirt. and so the dirt was sticking to my legs and it was rather itchy, not important to the autobot-predicon fight but I just wanted to let you know I was very uncomfortable. It didn't take long before they all shot at Skybite and he went into his shark mode and made his "Next time autobots" speech, which always reminded me of Dr. Claw from the old Inspector Gadget cartoons.

'Yes! Yes! Yes!' I thought to myself, 'Shark-bots gone so the autobots will go away...... any minute now..... yup..... any second they are gonna go through the global space bridge...... very very soon?'

"DAMMIT WHY WON'T THEY GO AWAY!" I said aloud.... opps... guess who heard me, go on guess.... what's that? The autobots? Gee you're getting smart. If only I had you're brains, ohhh well. The autobots heard me but they could not see me, that's a bit of a plus, and that Koji kid wasn't here so he wouldn't be able to find me.

"Who said that?" asked the robot with the Texan voice, I think he's X-Bran or something like that.

"No one, It's all in your head go away!" oh like they're gonna believe that!

"It's coming from that house," Prowl said as he started to transform into his cop car to get a better look, 'No shit Sherlocke' I hid behind the door as Prowl looked in with what I would guess was his headlights since for some reason head light's on cars looking like eye-balls and their bumpers are like mouths so if your walking down the street and you see a mini-van it looks like it's smiling at you, which is rather frightening at times especially if you've seen that Christine movie... you know the one about the car who's stalking the guy.... I did it again. Just like the Happy Days rambling from the first story. I apologies

SO I WAS HIDING, behind the door so Prowl couldn't find me and I was prayin to god that if he made the robots go away I would be a better person... but I guess I've said that one-too-many times and they wouldn't leave. In fact, Sideburn started up saying that he remembered that voice from somewhere... why? why does this have to happen to me? Is it a sign from whatever's up there that I should go with the autobots? That it's part of my greater destiny? HELL NO! I'm staying right here.... Side Burn still doesn't recall where or when he heard my voice and they'll get bored of me pretty soon.

"Wait I remember! Billie? Byakuren are you in there? It's us the autobots!" DAMMIT ALL TO HELL IN A HAND-BASKET! (A/N Yes that is a curse I use it from time to time)

"I do not know what you are talking about," I lied in my fake french accent. "Je m'apple Gennevive"

"Ahh come on don't lie to me it's you old pal Sideburn," I could tell he wasn't going to leave me alone. It seemed my giant-robot-crime-fighting-car- friend couldn't take a hint that I was in hiding. I had three choices: ONE- continue to act like a french bimbo which wasn't fooling anybody, TWO- go out and face the autobots no matter what they were going to do to me, or THREE- hold my breath until I died a slow agonizing death.

As tempting as number three was, I walked out of the cheap third world house with my hands above my head, "All right! I give, you caught me. Hand me to the authorities or whatever."

The autobots laughed at me. THEY LAUGHED AT ME! I was surrendering to them and they were laughing! I didn't know weather to be grateful or the snap at them. Fortunately I leaned over the year to keep my mouth shut and I let THEM explain their actions. Sideburn sat down so that he wasn't taller than usual. He even picked me up and put me on his knee. I would have thought this to be sweet but I still had no idea what they wanted from me. "Oh Byakuren, were not here to arrest you, I just want to know how you've been doin' for the last year. If your life's improved or if you're still having to fend for yourself. That's all."

Oh well if that's all.... "I've been fine, these people here think I'm french which I think is hilarious since I can't speak the language. No need for me to keep stealin' since my big pay day. I've been avoiding cars, and trains. In fact life was starting to get perfect but, I must have pissed the Karma gods off 'cause you and that Skybite had to come to Puerto Plata of all places!" Oh why did I have to say that last bit, I forgot Sideburn gets rather emotional. "But so long as you don't turn me into whatever authority wants me the most, I think I can call this a good scenario. How have you been Sideburn? Find any good looking sports cars to go steady with?" There. A nice little white lie.

Of course Sideburn had no steady sports car girl friend seeing as none of them were able to talk. And I got to meet the autobots properly. Optimus was a little annoying, X-Brawn was a barrel of monkeys- he reminded me of a weird uncle Darwin in Alabama, and Prowl wasn't too bad- a little cocky now and then but not too bad at all.

After an entire afternoon of catch up I told Sideburn I had to get back to my home. He offered me a ride since someone stole my bike trying to get away from Skybite, so I said yes. Only because I didn't want to walk. Sideburn told me more about Cybertron and even though it was rather, no- very boring, I pretended to be interested. Just like he pretended to be interested about my stories of doing nothing but sleeping on the beach. He dropped me off in front of my manor then drove off into the sunset- which makes this sound like some kind of western romance, which makes me want to projectile vomit. At least that's what I thought then, so I went inside and cured my mind with good old fashion 80's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons.

Well that's it for now. R&R if you want, I don't really care.