Disclaimer: We plagiarized everything we could in the creation of this fik.

Extended Summary: Tired of reading the same old SasuNaru fik's? Fed up with seeing the same old storylines over and over? Do you want something more out of what you read? Do you want to Burn Fat Fast? Then have we got the product for you! On a special 'try before you buy' basis you can make your way through this story of raucous laughs that is absolutely, completely, positively, very obviously like nothing you've ever read before! No really, it's not.

Justicehime(popular author of 'A Simple Wish') said: 'Wow! It's like nothing I've ever read before! AA'

SaJi(notorious co-authors of most things YGO) declared: 'Oi, hand me the peanuts and shut up, I'm reading.'

And for this special, limited time offer, we'll throw in two chapters for the price of one! Yes, you heard me right! Two chapters!!

Send NO MONEY now! For just one easy payment of one review per chapter, you get not one but two chapters, how can you pass this up? You can't!


Authors' notes: We got sick of badly written incessant, repeated, overdone storylines of doom. We don't ask forgiveness, we give it…sarcastically.

Warnings for entire fik: OOC, Shounen-ai, Shoujo-ai hints, Incest, Fluff, WaFF, Het, Pineapple, Orange, Lime, Citrus, Cussing, Violence, Weird, Shota, Mpreg-ish,

Pairings for entire fik: Sasuke x Naruto, Itachi x Naruto, Kyuubi x Sasuke, Itachi x Sasuke, Kakashi x Iruka, Gaara x Prose, Sakura x Ino, Orochimaru x Itachi, Itachi x Orochimaru, Gai x Lee, Kyuubi x Sasuke x Naruto x Itachi x Hand Pineapple, Sasuke x Sakura

If you saw something above you didn't like…then you suck; bugger off. New Zealand Rocks.

Chapter One:

Sasuke was tense. The air around him snapped, crackled and popped with the tension it was soaking up; enough to make the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. His eyes narrowed in a glare of fierce concentration and he looked challengingly into the eyes of his opponent.

Itachi; the man who had betrayed Sasuke, his family and the entire Konoha village when he'd murdered almost the entire Uchiha clan and then deserted them to become an elusive, S-Class missing-nin.

Itachi met Sasuke's glare calmly, a slightly derisive smirk twisting his lips. After a moment the older man lifted his eyebrow and the smirk turned more mocking. Sasuke bared his teeth in a silent growl.


"Damn it, bastard!" the voices came from behind Sasuke, where his two team members watched anxiously, "Don't glare at him all day, just kick his damned ass and get it over with!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched at Naruto's yelled order, but he grudgingly accepted the words and prepared himself for what would hopefully be his final move.

"Anaki," Sasuke growled the word out between tightly clenched teeth, "do you have any aces?"

Itachi's smirk twisted wider, "Go fish!"

"Damn it!" Sasuke's tension exploded out of him along with the words and he slumped back slightly in his chair before snatching a card from the top of the deck that sat between the two brothers.

"And you were so close." Itachi mocked and Sasuke shot a glare at the man before looking down to study his new card, the two of hearts.

"You can't beat me." Itachi said, his blood-red eyes seeming to gleam in the dim light, "You're too weak to beat me. Do you have any jacks?"

Sasuke ground his teeth together then bit out, "Go fish!"

"A pity." Itachi murmured seeming not at all perturbed as he drew a card.

Sasuke began to gnaw on his lower lip as he fingered the cards in his hand. Two cards now, only two. He could win, if luck was with him and he had to win. He had to beat this man, this traitor.

He looked back at his card and then at Itachi. "Do you have a Joker?"

"Go fish."

"Chi'." Sasuke grudgingly drew another card from the top of the deck. The King of Spades.

"Do you have any Kings?" Itachi asked, his voice confident.

Sasuke growled and wordlessly threw the card he'd just drawn in Itachi's direction. The man neatly snatched the card out of the air added it to the other he had, then set the pair aside.

Itachi smirked at him, "Do you have any spades?"

Sasuke looked down at the card in his card, the Joker, and opened his mouth to deny, but stopped as a hand touched his arm.

Sakura stood beside him, smiling.

"Here Sasuke, use this." She tightened her hand on his arm in what was probably supposed to be a comforting gesture and placed a card into his hand. The seven of spades.

Sasuke stared at the card.

"Well," Itachi asked again, "do you have any spades?"

Sasuke's eyes narrowed and he pulled the card Sakura had given him from his hand and threw it at Itachi. Again the man nimbly caught it and added it to his pile of pairs.

"Do you have any fives?"

"Go fish!" Sasuke said; his voice laced slightly with triumph. And Itachi laughed.

"Do you still think you can beat me? Do you think you're good enough? You can't do it. It's impossible for you."

"It is not!" The reply wasn't Sasuke's. Sasuke turned in his chair and watched as Naruto moved away from where he'd been leaning against the wall and leaned over the back of Sasuke's chair, rested a hand comfortably on his shoulder and glared at Itachi as he pushed a card into Sasuke's hand. "Sasuke can beat you. You're nothing." Naruto said firmly.

Sasuke looked down at the new card in his hand then back up at Itachi, his gaze steady. "Do you have a six?"

Itachi's façade of calmness broke slightly and he glared, selecting a card from his hand and passing it along the table.

Sasuke smirked and took the card, placing them to the side then aimed a challenging glare at his brother.

"My last card, Anaki. Then I win."

"You can't win."

Sasuke examined his final card for a moment then smirked with confidence. He could win; "Do you have any tens?"

Itachi frowned and then glared, his mouth working but no sound emerging.

Sasuke's smirk grew wider, "Well, Anaki? Do you?"

Itachi growled and suddenly ripped a card from his hand and slammed it on the table in front of Sasuke. Sasuke carefully picked it up and, keeping eye contact with his brother, placed the pair of tens to the side and held up his empty hands.

"I win."


"See! I told you you'd beat him!" Naruto slapped Sasuke on the shoulder grinning.


Sasuke turned in his chair to look at his teammates, but they seemed to be swimming in and out of his vision.

:Sasuke-kun, wake up.:


"Sasuke-kun, it's time to wake up."

Sasuke peeled his eyes open and stared up at where Sakura was leaning over him. Behind her, Ino watched with an amused expression, "Good Morning!" she chirped as soon as she noticed Sasuke's eyes landing on her.

Sasuke groaned. What a weird dream.

"Sasuke-kun, are you okay?" Sakura asked in concern.

Sasuke passed a hand over his face and slowly sat up. "I'm fine, just a strange dream." He said and stifled a yawn.

"Really?" Ino stepped over to stand beside Sakura and looked down at Sasuke with interest, "What kind of dream? What happened?"

"Dreams? I had a weird dream last night!" Sasuke looked passed the two girls and glared as Konoha's number one loudest ninja joined them. "I was laying on the beach and suddenly a giant whale came up to me and asked me for my phone number and so I gave it to him cause I figured, 'well, it's a whale' but he turned into a giant ice cream and even though I kept saying 'hey that's my ice cream', Sakura ate him."

"Errr…" Sakura was first to break the following silence, "That's…errr…"

"Interesting." Ino finished for her, slightly more enthusiastically. "Dreams can sometimes be really strange but they always mean something."

Naruto looked at her blankly, "You mean I should watch out for giant whale/ice cream's cause Sakura might eat them?"

"I would not!" Sakura began but was drowned out by Ino.

"No. I'll show you, I have a book…" quickly she crossed the tiny clearing they had spent the night in and rummaged around in her pack for a moment. "A-huh!"

Coming back she flopped down into a cross-legged position and flipped her book open. "Well first there was a beach, right?" she flipped a few pages, "That symbolizes the meeting between your two states of mind." She looked up at Naruto's blank expression. "The sand is symbolic of the rational and mental processes while the water signifies the irrational, unsteady, and emotional aspects of yourself."


"Next a whale…Hmmm…it indicates a relationship or project that is too big for you to handle." She moved on, "Being asked for your phone number means that you feel like someone is trying to get through to, or talk to you and that maybe you have to give them the opportunity to do so."


"Aaaaand…to see or eat ice cream in your dream represents pleasure and satisfaction with your life and love. I guess seeing Sakura eat it means you think she's stealing it from you."

Naruto blushed, "What?! I do not!"

"I'm just interpreting the dream, Naruto." Ino said and shut the book.

"Well you're wrong, do it again!"

"I can't do it again, it'll mean the exact same thing!"

"Ye-yeah…Well what did Sasuke's mean?!" Naruto demanded.

"He hasn't told us his dream yet."

Naruto spun on Sasuke and glared, "Well?!"

Sasuke smirked, "Why should I tell you?"

Naruto glared, "What? Afraid we'll find out some sordid secrets?" he taunted.

Sasuke's smirk turned into a deadly glare in seconds. "Don't be ridiculous. It was just a dream."

"So what was it then?" Naruto glared back, "If it's so unimportant it shouldn't matter if you tell us."

"Fine!" Sasuke snapped and then paused. Was it such a good idea? But what did it matter, it was just a dream, and it would make the others leave him alone.

"I was playing cards, Go Fish," he said slowly, "against…an enemy."

"Card games…" Ino repeated slowly, finding it in her book, "That means you've used skills of bluff, strategy and timing successfully in everyday life, probably the mission we were just on, and to see an enemy indicates something that you are in denial about or someone whom you are rejecting."

Sasuke blinked. Someone he was in denial about?

"What else?" Ino asked.

"We played the entire game out…it seemed to focus on the cards a lot."

"The cards?" Ino nodded, "Cards can be really important, generations of people use them to tell fortunes." She declared, "What were they?"

Sasuke ran his hand through his hair in thought. "I started out with an Ace in my hand…"

"That represents individuality, solitude, leadership and a will to win. It probably represents you."

"Oh…After that was a two."

"That represents either double weakness, or double strength."


Ino shrugged, "After that?"

"A Jack."

"Seeking balance." Ino replied after a moment.

"…Then a Joker card."

"A Joker?" Ino blinked and looked through some more pages, "It represents silly or insignificant things that distract you from the things that really are important."

"Hn…After that was a King."

"Power and control." She replied promptly only having to glance further down the page.

"He asked for spades after that." Sasuke stated.

"Spades?" Ino looked up at him.


"Errr…well here it says that means that troubling times are ahead…"

"I didn't have any." Sasuke said raising an eyebrow, "But Sakura appeared in the dream and put one in my hand. A seven."

"Oh." Ino glanced at Sakura with an unreadable expression then looked back at her book, "A seven represents mental perfection and high spirituality."

"After that was a five."

"That's a link between heaven and earth. Usually the meeting of spirit and the physical."


Ino waited a moment then glanced up. "Any others?"


"And they were…?"

Sasuke glared, "My enemy taunted me, saying I couldn't beat him…then…Naruto showed up and put a card in my hand. A six."

"You had a dream about me?" Naruto exclaimed.

"Not about you, dobe!" Sasuke snapped, "You were just in it."

Naruto sniggered and Ino read off the meaning.

"A six represents cooperation, balance, perfection, warmth and love."

Sasuke's glare grew fiercer while Naruto's laughter got louder. Sasuke ignored him.

"The last card was a ten."

"A ten means closure, great strength and gains." Ino said.

"I won." Sasuke stated, as if that explained it all.

"To dream that you win at something signifies triumph and success."

"Hn. Fine." Sasuke said, trying to block out Naruto's not-so-subtle laughing, "If that's done with can we get moving?"

Ino blinked, "Of course."

They had been on a mission to gather information and were now on their way home. They were nearly a full day away from Konoha now, and had chosen to rest for the night in a small clearing before moving onwards.

"Ahhh! That reminds me!" Naruto suddenly exclaimed as Sasuke pulled himself out from under his travel blanket, made another half-hearted attempt to get his hair out of his eyes and then shoved the blanket in his pack. "I was just out scouting around and there are some strange tracks."

"What kind of strange tracks?" Sasuke looked up at Naruto sharply.

"Well…kind of like we were being watched all night by someone." Naruto said, scratching his head.

"What?!" All three of his audience exclaimed and Naruto stepped back slightly.

"Show me!" Sasuke demanded and stood up, "But you two." He glanced quickly at Ino and Sakura, "Get moving. If we're being followed we'll stand a better chance of getting the information we gathered back to the Hokage if we split up."

"Right!" Ino said and began to quickly gather her things.

"But, Sasuke-kun…" Sakura paused and stared at Sasuke as if she were trying to figure out a way to stay with him.

Sasuke interrupted her quickly, "You two will travel faster together. We'll meet back at the village." He turned back to Naruto, "Show me the tracks!"

"Sheesh, keep your pants on." Naruto grumbled and led Sasuke into the forest.


This was all Naruto's fault.

"This is all your fault." Sasuke said, repeating his thoughts aloud.

"My fault?!" Naruto protested and turned slightly to match the glare Sasuke was directing at him, "How is it my fault?! I didn't do anything!"

"You got us lost." Sasuke said, pushing himself away from where he had been examining the mark they had left on a tree barely an hour before.

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and redirected his glare in to the forest. "I did not."

"You did. I should have known better than to follow you…dobe."

Naruto turned his head sharply, glaring at the raven-haired boy. "Don't call me that! Bastard!"

Sasuke stood up straight and shoved his hands in his pockets. "Hn. Baka."

"TEME!" Naruto lunged at Sasuke, his hand drawn back to punch the other boy…then staggered as the world suddenly lit up around him.

Dazzled, Naruto put a foot down wrong and, as a rolling beat of thunder shook the ground beneath him, making the air seem to vibrate even before the crashing sound descended on them, his momentum carried him forward, his arms wind-milling wildly as he tried to keep his feet beneath him, and he crashed into Sasuke. Instinctively, Sasuke put his arms around Naruto to keep him from falling, grunting as the boy's full weight landed against him almost bowling him over.

And then it began to rain.

Around them the sky lit up again, half blinding them, and instantly thunder followed. Within seconds the rain crashing down on them had plastered their clothing to them like a second skin and they were chilled to the bone.

Great. Just great.

"This," Sasuke leaned down slightly and shouted at Naruto over the noise of the storm they were suddenly in the middle of, "is all your fault!"

"Teme!" Naruto did a good job of being heard over the rain, "I told you it isn't!"

Sasuke turned his head away and attempted to see in a world that was darkening around him rapidly (from the storm and because night was rapidly approaching) and caught a brief flicker of light out of the corner of his eye.

Shifting his grip on Naruto so he had the boy by the shoulders, he turned him in the right direction.

"Do you see that light?"

"What damned light?!" Naruto bit back.

Sasuke shook Naruto slightly and pointed, "That damned light!"

Naruto was silent for a minute, "Of course I see the damned light! Why the hell are we staying here, lets go!"

It was all Sasuke could do to keep a hold on Naruto's arm so he wouldn't lose the idiot in the midst of the storm as the boy shot off through the trees towards the flickering glow in the distance.

Behind them a shadow detached itself from the trees and watched as they hurried through the rain.

"No." The shadow whispered, mostly to himself since the trees around him weren't listening, "Stay away from the light! Stay away from the li-…to late."

The shadow melted back into the trees.


There was a hut.

It had a sign.

The sign said: Abandoned Cabin - Your Home Away From Home.

Naruto read the sign on the door quickly before flinging said door open and barging into the cabin.

With a brief, curious look at the sign, Sasuke followed him in and shut the door behind him; effectively shutting the wind, rain, thunder, lighting, wetness, coldness, the deafening sound and a little puppy dog that had been trailing them for hours outside.

Sasuke paused in the doorway and looked around the room while he dripped onto the 'Welcome' mat.

Bed, table, a fireplace that probably worked, a rocking chair; and a window. As far as Sasuke could tell the cabin was just one large room, or at least he figured it was since the only door was behind him.

"Stop standing in the doorway, asshole. You're making the place look untidy." Naruto grouched from where he was sitting comfortably at the table, his hands wrapped securely around a pair of chopsticks and a steaming bowl of ramen.

Sasuke grunted noncommittally and walked over to join the blonde, taking the seat across from him, "At least I didn't track water halfway across the floor." He said and picked up the chopsticks beside his own bowl of ramen and began eating, the warm food heating him from the inside out.

"S'up hup, affull!" Naruto exclaimed around a mouthful of ramen and Sasuke glared, moving his own bowl out of the way of the half masticated ramen that flew from Naruto's mouth as he attempted to speak.

They finished their meal in relative silence; if you didn't count the nearly constant crashes of thunder from the storm outside, and were soon making themselves comfortable in front of the roaring fire that was crackling merrily in the cabin's fireplace. Or Naruto, at least, was making himself comfortable. Sasuke was stripping.

"Oi, what the hell are you doing?" Naruto asked, slightly nervous, as Sasuke dumped his soaked shirt in the corner near the rocking chair, kicked his shoes off, threw his weapons down and then began to unbutton his shorts.

"Taking my clothes off, dobe." Sasuke answered and kicked the shorts into the same pile as the rest of his wet clothes. He turned and glared at Naruto, his wet and completely naked body shining slightly in the firelight. "Take your clothes off." He commanded.

Naruto blinked. Naruto shook his head slightly to dislodge any water that might have been stuck in his ears and then looked at Sasuke again, his eyes searching slightly for a safe place to look before settling on the empty air slightly behind the black-haired boy's left shoulder.


Sasuke glared at him in irritation, "Take your clothes off." He repeated. "Now."

"What the hell?! No way!"

Sasuke glared, put his hands on his hips and tried to be reasonable, "Take your clothes off, now."


Sasuke's glare grew, if possible, fiercer. He began to walk towards Naruto and he tried 'Naruto terms'. "Take off, your clothes, now!"

"No!" Naruto was now scrambling, ineffectively, backwards; half tripping on his hands, which kept getting tangled in the soft fur rug under him. "Stay away from me!"

Sasuke stopped walking, "Take them off now, or I'll take them off for you." If all else failed there was always room for an ultimatum.

Outside the wind howled, got a response from a wolf pack a few miles to the south and struck up an interesting conversation about a mutual acquaintance from another country.

A shadow moved.

Out from under the trees.

And crept, ever so quietly (as if anything could be heard over the sound of the wind) over to the window of the cabin.

It took a quick glance inside and then dodged back to flatten itself against the side of the building.

It paused.

And then looked again.


"Ahhh!! Get off! Pervert! Hentai! Ecchi! Ero-asshole! Aahhhhh!!"

Sasuke hurled Naruto's weapons across the room to join the soaked jacket, sodden black t-shirt and filthy pair of shoes he'd already managed to divest Naruto of.

"This is your own fault." Sasuke snapped and pinned Naruto's arms down on either side of his head and then began to work at the tie on the blonde's pants.

Naruto twisted, attempting to either get his hands free or buck Sasuke off of him; he failed to do either.

"Stop squirming, baka!" Sasuke managed to get the tie free of its knot and yanked Naruto's pants down and off, throwing them to join the rest of his clothing across the room.

"Oh my god, you striped me naked!!" Naruto yelled incredulously as Sasuke suddenly released his hands and then grabbed his arm, yanking him up into a sitting position.

Sasuke barely spared him a scornful look before grabbing the single blanket that lay folded up nearby and flung it around both of their shoulders.

"If you'd have stayed in wet clothes you'd catch a cold. Idiot."

"Oh." Naruto relaxed suddenly and leaned in closer to Sasuke, closing his eyes. "That's okay then."

Sasuke blushed.

"Mmmm…" Naruto snuggled slightly closer to Sasuke's side, "You're warm." He mumbled.

And you're naked! Sasuke thought back. Loudly. Somehow, during the entire 'strip Naruto naked' thing, he'd missed that implication.

Sasuke stayed stock still, his muscles getting tenser and tenser as their suddenly quiet (except for the storm out the window) time in front of the fire increased.

It took nearly fifteen full minutes, but Sasuke finally cracked, falling backwards suddenly and clutching at his left thigh.

"What the hell?" Naruto demanded as the blanket was ripped from around his shoulders as Sasuke fell.

Sasuke grit his teeth, "Cramp." He ground out and massaged his leg as if his life depended on it.

"Why didn't you say so!?" Naruto snapped and stood up and, in all his radiantly naked glory, stalked across the room and grabbed the two pillows off the bed and stalked back to the fire throwing one of the pillows at Sasuke. "This one's yours."

Sasuke had enough time to see his name stitched elegantly into the fabric, next too an equally elegant rendering of the Uchiha clan symbol, before the pillow slammed into his face.

He left off massaging his thigh (since it had stopped hurting there wasn't really a point to continuing) and sat up, pulling the pillow out of his lap and putting it onto the floor. Naruto had laid his down already and was half reclining on it, glaring at Sasuke.

"Are you planning on sharing that blanket again?" he demanded.

Sasuke glared back but still moved his own pillow so it was alongside Naruto's and moved so he could drape it over the both of them.

Naruto was staring at him oddly, his eyes seeming to wobble in the firelight.

"Sasuke." The wobble effect grew more intense. "I'm still cold."


Wobble, wobble, wobble.

"Hold me?"


"Fine." Almost completely entranced by the wobble effect, Sasuke moved closer to Naruto and wrapped his arms around the blonde; then closed his eyes and waited for sleep to claim him.




It was a dark and stormy night, or so the Ninja's say, the lightning striking constantly transformed the night to day; the thunder roared the cabin round, or thustly goes the tale, and rising from a tree nearby there came a fearful wail.

It was no beast nor banshee, that the cabin folk knew well, nor wildlife in agony, nor demon trapped by spell; no ghost that moaned in penance nor a soul in mortal fright; 'twas just Itachi singing for he practised every night.

Itachi was convinced that he should have been born a bard, and thus he made the lives of those within his family hard, for they must listen to him sing and smile at what they heard, and swear he had a golden voice that rivalled any bird.

Itachi was convinced that becoming a bard was his fate and so his friends and family he began to hate, 'cause while they listened derisively to his every song, he suffered silent there abuse, was blamed for every wrong.

It was a dark and stormy night, or so I have heard, and so perhaps that was the reason why there was no stir when suddenly the music ceased…


Interlude End



/creak, creak/

/creak, creak, creak/

The rocking chair in the corner of the cabin rocked backwards and forwards gently.

The chair was shrouded in shadow.

The shadow was sewing.

/creak, click, creak, click, click, creak/

No, wait. The shadow was knitting; the sewing had been completed earlier and was resting in a neatly folded pile beside the chair.

The chair continued to make the faint creaking sound, followed by the clicking sound, and mixed in amongst it, barely heard over the sounds of the chair, the knitting needles and, of course, the storm still raging outside, was a voice…a voice that was saying something deep, profound and meaningful.

"Knit one…pearl two…knit four…peal eight…" The shadow began to giggle.


Sasuke woke the next morning to a light kick in the side; his eyes snapped open immediately and he found himself staring up at Naruto. Fully dressed.

"Get up, asshole." Naruto stretched slightly and stepped away from Sasuke now that he was satisfied that he was awake, heading for the door, "Sun came up ages ago, the storm stopped and we can get back to the village today."

Sasuke sat up slowly as Naruto pulled the door open and stepped outside, and then, clutching his blanket around him, his cheeks tinged with red as he pointedly didn't remember a single thing that had happened the night before, he walked over to where his clothing was sitting in a neatly folded pile and pulled them on.

In barely a minute he was outside, pulling the door of the abandoned cabin shut behind him, and walked over to an impatiently waiting Naruto.

"Come on." Naruto whined, "Let's go!"

They went.

The trip through the soggy forest was short and direct, their path that had seemed winding, twisting and impossible the night before was now clear and straight. They made it back to the village within a couple of slightly embarrassed, silent hours.

Sasuke was never so glad to see the place in his life. Now he could go home, shower, change and completely forget about what he had pointedly forgotten had happened the night before even though he didn't know it had happened because he'd pointedly forgotten it.

He stepped through the gates with determination.

"Sasuke-kuuuuuuun!!!!!" Sasuke stopped walking at the sound of the twin voices and he flinched. He could hear the exclamation marks.

"Your fan club is here." Naruto said from where he stood beside Sasuke, his voice tinged with displeasure.

Sakura and Ino arrived before Naruto could even finish talking.

"Sasuke-kun! We were so worried!" Sakura began.

"What happened to you?!" Ino continued.

"Why didn't you come back last night?"

"Was there something following us?"

"Did you find somewhere out of the storm?"

"Are you ill?"

"Have you seen my puppy?"

"Did you…" Ino paused. "You have a puppy?"

"Didn't I tell you?"

"I don't think so?"

"Didn't you see him?"

"No. Where was he?"

"I brought him with us." She continued her line of questioning. "So have you seen my puppy?"

"Have you seen her puppy? …Was it a cute puppy?"

"Yes. He had big blue eyes, floppy ears, fuzzy fur, cute widdle wegs, and he was just adorable. Are you sure you didn't see him?"

"Are you sure you brought him with us?"

"Err…" Sakura shrugged, "Sasuke-kun?"

Ino turned her gaze back to Sasuke, "Are you alright?"

"You look a little flushed, did you come down with something?"

"Did you end up spending the night in that storm?"

"I bet you did!" Sakura turned to the previously overlooked blonde boy, "You led him around in circles so he'd get caught in the storm, didn't you?"

"I…!" Naruto tried to interject angrily.

"Naruto! If Sasuke-kun dies it'll be your fault, won't it?!"


"Naruto, how could you?!"


"Do you need us to sort him out for you, Sasuke-kun?"


Sasuke stopped listening to the incessant chatter and turned away, glaring. If they didn't shut up in ten seconds, he was leaving.

"…Sasuke-kun, did something weird happen between you and Naruto last night?"

Sasuke's back went ramrod straight and his hands curled into fists. No, nothing weird happened between he and Naruto last night because he'd forgotten; he'd most definitely forgotten.

"No." Sasuke said evenly. He hoped it was evenly. Was it evenly? "Why do you ask?" Was it tattooed on his forehead? Had he been acting strangely around Naruto? If he had, how could they tell through all their chatter?

"…Bastard." Naruto broke into the slightly too long silence. "It's stitched into the back of your shirt."


A Shadow moved.

Three steps left…

The Shadow took three steps left.

Two steps right…

The Shadow took two steps right.

Left leg forward…

The Shadow's left leg was extended.

Left leg back… The Shadow's left leg moved back behind him. Left leg forward again…

The Shadow's left leg was extended. Again.


The Shadow's left leg began to shake.


The Shadow spun slowly on the spot and then, jutsu completed, began to walk forward. Around The Shadow the wind began to stir.


"…My shirt?"

"Yes, your shirt."

Sasuke directed his gaze to Ino and Sakura, his eyebrow raised in inquiry.

They both nodded.

"It's written…on my shirt?" He said again; slightly incredulous.

"Yes, on the shirt." Naruto said impatiently, "Why don't you just look?"

Sasuke pinned Naruto with a glare. Because I don't have anything on under it! "Hn."

"Oh just take it off and look!" Naruto snapped and marched over to Sasuke, grabbing the bottom of the shirt and yanking upwards before the black haired boy could stop him.


The Shadow crept through the streets, across the rooftops, passed a small, anonymous puppy and then slunk around a corner. It flattened itself against a wall and listened hard.

"Yes, on the shirt. Why don't you just look?"


"Oh just take it off and look!"

The Shadow looked around the corner quickly and then dodged back, just as quick.

It paused.

And then looked again.



"Damnit! Stop struggling!"

"Get the hell off me!"

"Naruto! Get off Sasuke-kun!"

"Naruto no hentai!!!!"

"I AM NOT!!"

"Then stop trying to molest Sasuke-kun in the middle of the street!"

"I'm trying to show him his damned shirt!" Naruto retorted, as the colour on his face fought between being bright pink in embarrassment and purple-red with anger.

"Get the hell off me!!" Sasuke interjected from where he was half tangled in his shirt, his arms bound above his head and his vision completely impaired by the fact that his shirt was covering his entire face.

"You shut u-!" Naruto began to retort be stopped as a breeze suddenly brushed against his face.

Around them the wind began to pick up and within seconds they were barely standing upright, as it seemed a full gale was ripping passed them. Naruto gripped Sasuke tightly around the waist as they braced themselves against the wind.

And then it slackened.

And a shadow…no The Shadow detached itself from the wall and stepped into the middle of the road. The breeze fluttered around him, ruffling his clothes, his hair, his entire aura. He was handsome, he was mysterious, he was dangerous.

He was no longer a…The Shadow.

He was Uchiha. Uchiha Itachi.

He smirked.

"Run, you fool's!"

Sasuke immediately started struggling in the bindings of his shirt, "Itachi?" he struggled harder, "Itachi you bastard!"

Itachi blinked and his eyes pinned to the struggling form of his younger brother. He paused.


Naruto's eyes narrowed, "Who are you?!" he demanded and Itachi's gaze moved to him. His eyes seemed suddenly to sparkle.

"When asking someone's name, it's proper to offer your own first." He said mildly.

"Don't talk to him!" Sasuke had managed to get his shirt far enough out of his way that he could see with one eye, "Damn you, aniki!"

Itachi ignored his brother and continued to watch Naruto.

Naruto twitched uncomfortably. "Uzumaki Naruto." He said finally, "errr…Hello. Now, who the hell ar-?!"

"Stop!" Itachi suddenly exclaimed and swooped the short distance to Naruto, grabbing both his hands and pulling them to his chest. "You don't need to go on…" his eyes sparkled, "You had me at 'hello'."

Sasuke had had enough. Giving up on attempting to free himself from the killer shirt he simply threw himself at his brother, knocking them both to the ground in a tangle.






"Get off!"







"What the hell are you doing to Sasuke?!"

There was a high-pitched shriek followed by sudden silence.

There was a faint, pain filled gurgling sound.

Sasuke staggered to his feet and Naruto absently yanked the surprisingly undamaged shirt down, freeing Sasuke's arms. Sasuke glared down at his brother who was attempting to stagger to his own feet, his breathing laboured.

"You…bastard…you…kneed me…in the...balls…"

Sasuke smirked.

Naruto jabbed him in the side. "Who the hell is he?!"

"Older…brother…" Itachi wheezed out from where he leaned against a wall, clutching his privates.

Naruto's mouth opened in shock, but Sasuke barely noticed. The black-haired boy lifted an arm and pointed at Itachi dramatically.

"I'll kill you!!" he yelled and moved to cover the distance between he and his brother but stopped short suddenly as Itachi wildly held up a hand.


Sasuke glared.

"I have something to tell you, before we fight! It's important!"

Sasuke glared.

"Very important. I have to tell you."

Sasuke glared.

"Before we fight."

Sasuke glared.


Sasuke waited.

"I am you father."




"What the fuck?!"

Itachi blinked.

"Oh…that wasn't right. I didn't mean that. I meant I don't think we're in Kansas anymore."

He paused.

Sasuke stared at him.

Naruto stared at him.

Ino stared at him.

Sakura stared at him.

The puppy stared at him.

"I wasn't loved as a child." He stated.

Sasuke twitched. "What?"

"They never loved me. I was nothing but the future heir to the Uchiha throne. I was to take over the kingdom and rule with my princess by my side. But I learnt to accept it, my fate. I knew my duties; I knew what I had to do. But then, Sasuke, you were born. That's when I realised, I was never loved." Tears began to well up in Itachi's eyes as his focus became distant, staring at old memories, "Our parents loved you. You were the light of their lives and all I could do was watch, watch and envy and wish that I could have what they gave you so freely. I tried so hard to please them, but always they rejected me and sternly insisted I focus on my duties." Itachi suddenly looked at Sasuke, holding out a hand towards him, "But I never blamed you! My cute younger brother, my otouto. So sweet, so innocent, so pure; I could never blame you. As you brought light into our parent's lives, you brought light into mine. I was…happy when you were around.

"That's why…I couldn't hurt you. I know what I did was wrong, I knew it then as I know it now – but they never loved me. Why should they live happily, causing me misery? Why did I have to suffer at their expense? We were better off without them! I would never have hurt you! I wanted to make you strong! Because….because…."

Itachi fell to his knees, tears of woe tracking silver trails of salty wetness down each of his perfect cheeks. "Sasuke…Sasuke, my brother…please forgive me!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Itachi…" Sasuke's voice was low, the name half whispered. "I…I never knew…I…" Sasuke suddenly threw himself to the ground beside his brother, hugging him tightly, "Of course I forgive you!" behind them the sun suddenly shone brightly, backlighting them, "Now let's go home!"

Itachi hugged his younger brother tightly and then, eyes only for each other, they stood and walked off down the street, leaving their forgotten audience behind.

The puppy followed.


Ende Author Notes: This was written by two people.

…I was told not to write that.

This fik is a collaborative work of my sister and me. I am Vanyel-san; she is Justice-hime. We command respect. Down on your knees and review, mere mortals!