What the Crap???

A/N: Yes...keep in mind the work Greatness happens to have something to do with this whole entore fic...if you can guess what I'm talkin about then you get a cookie...well...not really...sorry. Anyways, I don't own Zelda..or this dollar bill...huh?

Chapter 1: What the Crap???

It was another beautiful day in Hyrule, the peahats flying around, waiting to attack anyone who got near them, the dogs chasing any deku scrubs they spotted, and that one ugly fish thing chasing our hero of this story throughout Hyrule field...uh...

"Good Lord man! Get away from me Ruto!!!" Link shouted as he ran through Zora's domain.

"But this is my home Link! How can I leave???" Ruto disgustingly replied as she started chasing after the little Hylian.

"She's right!" Link said to himself, but that didn't stop him from running. "I gotta get out of here!" Link shouted as he ran for his dear life towards the waterfall of Zora's domain. He stopped and looked down the end of the fall, all he could see was the rapid waters. Yep...he was trapped.

"Now Liink...?" The fish beast sang. "Don't deny your love for me...now tell me..." She said as she got closer to him. "...how do you feel about me?" Ruto asked.

"You make me SICK!" Link said in the most sickest way ever.

"HUH?" Ruto sadly said.

"See ya later, SUCKA!" Link said as he took out his jetpack and flew into the air. "WHOO HOO! I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! (pause) But sadly this is just a dream...(falls down) AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Back to reality...

It was another crappy day in Hyrule, the stalchildren popping out of the ground attacking any idiot human they saw during the night (coughs) Link! (coughs) , it was raining once again, it was raining so bad that Zora's domain flooded and a few Zora's were sent to live with one of the children in Kokiri forest...all except one little fish...

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE???" Link shouted as he backed up against the wall of his uncles house, with no way to escape.

"Link! I've come to visit you! Don't you see?" Ruto said as she smiled scaring Link with her yellow teeth.

"Yes...I see that you haven't brushed your teeth in a while..." Link said as he covered his nose.

"B-Brush my teeth? Why do you brush your teeth?" Ruto asked confusingly.

"(eyes widen) HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" Link cried making every person in Kakariko Village turn on their house lights. One person throwing a boot through Link's window and another person yelling "shut the hell up!!"

Outside Hyrule Field...

"Link, I can't wait to take you to my daddy! He'll be so proud!" Ruto smiled as she dragged the tied up Link across Hyrule field with her.

"Ugh...(head hits rock) Do'h! (looks up to see Stalchildren coming out from the ground) Uh...Ruto...the Stal--"

Link noticed that the Stalchildren fell down dying everytime Ruto passed them, he shuddered at the thought of of why a naked fish was dragging him across Hyrule Field at night.

"Wow! Look at all these things falling at my feet! I must really be a cutie! (winks)" Ruto smiled as she walked by the dead stalchildren.

"Uh...Ruto...I think they're dead..." Link mumbled.

"Good one! You're humorous too!"

"Heh heh...yeaah...(mumbles) asshole..." Link said to himself.

"Well...we're here!" Ruto said as she stopped at the root of Zora's Domain."And...in you go!" Ruto threw Link in the water making the rapids take him through a a bumpy and octorock shooting ride.

"AH! GOD NO!" Link shouted as an octorock spit out a rock at his eye making him unconcious.

"WEEEEEE!!!!!" Ruto happily cheered. Ruto jumped out of the water and picked Link up by the feet.

"Dude! Dude! I'm wearing a tunic! No pants, dude!" Link warned as he slapped Ruto's hand.

"I'm not wearing anything!" Ruto said as she carried Link through her father's kingdom.

"How fascinating..." Link mumbled.

"Daddy! Look what I got!" Ruto said as she threw Link on his lap.

King Zora, who was reading the Daily Swim, looked down at his lap to find the young boy staring at him with his swollen eyes. King Zora twitched and then looked at Ruto.

"What is that?" He asked.

"He's my--"

"I'll take care of this." Link said as he interrupted Ruto. "I'm Link, the Hero of Time!" He said proudly.

"Yeah, and I'm the king of Zora's domain..." King Zora said sarcasticlly.

"But daddy, you ARE the King of Zora's domain."

"Listen here little missy...you--" King Zora stopped and stared at Link with shock in his eyes.

"Huh? What's the--AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!" Ruto shouted at the top of her lungs. They were both staring at Link, who was eating fishstick infront of their faces. Link then looked up at them and said...

"What?" As a piece of fish came out of his mouth. "If you're aiming for this fish then, no! Get one for yourself, I haven't eaten since morning." Link shouted as he took another bite of his fish stick.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH--(faints)" Ruto screamed.

"YOU FIEND!" King Zora shouted in anger towards Link.

"What? Listen if you want some so badly then take some...by the way...do you have any tauter sauce?" Link asked. "These fishsticks just don't have enough flavor."

"THAT'S IT!" King Zora shouted as he got up and took the bowl of fishsticks away from Link.

"Hey! I didn't say you could have the whole thing!" Link shouted as little pieces of fish came out of his mouth. "Hey! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN???" Link asked as he was being picked up by King Zora.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" King Zora shouted as he gave Link the boot...er...the webs.

"UGH!" Link shouted as he went through the rapid waves once more. He saw the waterfall just ahead of him and screamed like the little girl he was. (Just kiddin about that girl thing...) "Wait a minute..this has happened before...i get my jetpack out and--uh oh...WHERE THE HECK IS MY JETPACK!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!"

Link closed his eyes...two minutes later he opened them and found his self not in heaven...but in Hyrule Castle. Zelda was standing infront of him with an angry look on her face.

"Just where the heck were you?? I've been trying to get your butt over here by using the Link signal!" Zelda shouted as she pointed out the window to see the shape of Link in the sky.

"Oh...sorry...I've been busy..." Link said as he got up. "So...what do ya need?"

"Well...(takes out a projector that shows a hologram of Ganondorf) something evil is afoot...and once again with your bronze--" Zelda started.

"What about brains?" Link asked.

"...you will save land of Hyrule from the evil!" Zelda said as she turned the projector off.

"Oh..." Link sobbed.

"Sorry...but no one except me has any brains...i do own the Triforce of Wisdom..." Zelda reminded Link.

"Oh yes...you're a dork..." Link mumbled.

"Now...Impa shall lead you out of the castle...and surely there will be no-- "

"Wait...I'm no baby...I can get out of the castle myself!" Link said as he opened walked out of the castle.

"Link! Wait! I don't think you should...ah, what the hell...you're not gonna listen to me anyway..." Zelda said as she sat down on her throne and began smoking.

"I'm the Hero of Time...they have to listen to me..." Link said as he walked towards the gates of Hyrule Castle. He then saw some guards who were whispering to each other as they saw Link walk by. He then became nervous.

"Look at him...short and ugly thing...looks like my mama's back hair..." One guard whispered.

"Why doesn't he just go back to where he came from...what was the place called...Kokiri garbage?" One of the guards laughed.

"Yeah...look at em big ears...no one has big ears like that..." One of the guards whispered again.

Link then finally heard enough and walked towards the guards.

"LISTEN YOU...do you really think I have big ears?" Link asked.

"Get outta here ya freak!" The guard shouted. He kicked Link outside of Hyrule Castle and onto the field.

Link then got up and brushed himself off.

"Bunch of asses..." Link shouted as loud as he could. It was so loud that even some villagers from kakariko village could here him. Someone then threw a boot at Link and knocked him out unconcious.

5 hours later...

It was finally morning, Link opened his eyes and saw a red headed girl. He got up and brushed himself off.

"Hey Malon! What up?" Link asked.

"What are you doing here, Link?" Malon asked.


End of chapter

A/N: The second chapter will be up soon! Even though this isn't all that funny... Please don't forget to review!