Title: Another Name for Azkaban
Author: Alias Madame Butterfly
Full Summary: James Potter and Lily Evans discover the true meaning of "engaged". Remus Lupin is preoccupied with an "old school friend" who wasn't exactly a friend until recently. Sirius Black is the only one lucky enough to be single, but doesn't see it as luck.
Author's Notes: This is in response to a challenge from Bob-chan (who wrote "The Not So Secret Life of Lily Evans"). She wanted me to write something light and easy to read, so this is essentially a Romantic-Comedy cookie for her. Creidwy Caliban made her first appearance in Bob-chan's fic, and we have joint custody of her. All characters, unless otherwise noted, belong to J.K. Rowling. I'm open to suggestions for this fic...makes it more fun. If you have questions or comments, or want to talk outside of reviews, email me: sangritalenfenthotmail.com. I always answer my email. This is boring even to me, so, without further ado…Chapitre Une!
Another Name For Azkaban.
-Chapter One: That's The Way It Happens-Lily Evans was pretty sure that what she just thought happened had happened. Looking down, she had fair evidence that, well, it really had.
Unless a big, sparkling show-offy diamond on her left hand ring finger meant something entirely different in the wizarding world…
…She was engaged.
Engaged. Engaged? How the Hell had she become engaged? One minute she had been thinking of redecorating the flat, and then the next, BAM! Not any more! This would mean wedding planning, bridesmaid dresses that her friends would never wear again, a dress that she would never wear again, relatives and…and…a husband.
Husband?! ENGAGED?!! Why, oh, why, did she let these things happen? It wasn't that it was bad exactly…she just hadn't wanted it to happen so soon in her life, or so soon in her relationship. They had been dating really steadily as adults for, what, six months? They still weren't used to each other's quirks yet. He had problems with her hanging up her bras and panties anywhere that she could, fine, that was his issue, not hers…but she didn't see why THAT was such a problem, when he favored cheap cotton boxers with Snitches and Quaffles on them. She shuddered. At least they weren't broomsticks.
Lily sighed. Being engaged wouldn't have been so weird if it had happened later. But now, she was eighteen and a half, engaged to James Potter and had no idea where to go from there.
Sneaking another look at the diamond, she considered her options:
She could play it off like she hadn't been paying attention (which was true) and thank him for the lovely birthday present. Yes! Wait a minute, no! Damn, that didn't work…her birthday was in July. It was currently October. Hmm…thwarted.
She could run like hell, cross the Channel into France and start a new life under a new name. No, too impractical.
She could grit her teeth and get out the white dress.
Well…it was a very pretty ring. And there were worse people she could marry than James Potter.
Next time, Lily, she told herself sternly, pay more attention to what's going on instead of thinking how a new paintjob would brighten up the flat! Who knows what else could sneak up on you this way, if marriage could? Marriage…ugh. It was better not to think of that right away.
Tearing her eyes from the ring, she looked up at her unexpected fiancé and managed a brave smile.
"Lily, I can't believe we're getting married," James said softly but with intensity, a wildly happy look lighting up his dark eyes.
"Neither can I, James," she sighed. "Neither can I."
"So let me get this straight, Prongs," Sirius Black, James Potter's best friend snorted into the bewitched mirrors they used to talk to each other. "You're getting married. YOU? To LILY EVANS? What the hell is the world coming to?!"
"What do you mean by that?" James retorted, sounding sullen. It wasn't that hard to picture a woman liking him, was it? Maybe Sirius was just an extreme egotist.
"I mean," Sirius snickered, "That you must have had to drug her or force her or put the Imperius Curse on her! You expect me to believe that a class act like Lily Evans is going to marry you right off the bat? Come on, Prongs…even your best mates will only buy so much, you know."
James scowled at Sirius's laughing image in the mirror.
"Come on, Padfoot," he said slowly, realization dawning on him. "I know what this is about."
Snicker, snicker, chuckle, laughter, snicker…what? His best friend looked up at thim through the mirror, confusion written all over his handsome face.
"Yeah, I do," James continued. "It's about me having a girl and you being single. Again. Or would that be…still?" He finished brutally.
Sulking, Sirius didn't reply.
"Sirius…Padfoot…" the slightly older man coaxed.
Irritably, Sirius whipped his black hair back from his shoulders, the look in his eyes promising to murder James when they saw each other next.
"I can't help it," he muttered angrily. "You're getting married, and Lucius Malfoy's getting married, and even Moony's got a girl by now! Hell, even old Snivellus probably has a bit on the side, but I don't really want to think about that," he finished, mock-shuddering.
"Wait a minute, you say Moony's got a girl?" James asked, interested. "I always thought he was too shy and too hampered by his condition to go for many girls."
"Yeah, well, I guess this one's really good at Potion-making, she can do that Wolfsbane thing," Sirius said sourly. "Must be from Slytherin then, that's their forte…though what Moony'd want with one of them, I don't know."
James mulled it over briefly. Remus Lupin, a girlfriend? Now THAT was weird.
"I didn't know any women who liked Remus," he said truthfully. Their friend had always been painfully shy around girls, knowing most wouldn't tolerate him if he told them he was a werewolf.
"I can think of one," Sirius continued. "Dark red hair, green eyes…NOT Lily," he added sharply, watching James's eyes mist over in the mirror at the mention of a green-eyed redhead. "She was a couple years ahead of us at school, and yeah, a Slytherin. I haven't actually met Remus's bird," he put in hastily, "so I don't know if it's her, but I think –"
"Wait! I know!" James cried triumphantly. "Wasn't her name Kerry Calvin or something like that?"
"Creidwy Caliban," Sirius said slowly. "Creidwy Caliban. And I'm praying I'm wrong."
On the other mirror, James gulped nervously. Sirius never prayed. NEVER. Unless he was very, very desperate.
Remus Lupin was settled on a threadbare chair in his flat, watching his "lady friend" immersed in brewing that foul potion she had started forcing on him when the full moon approached every month. It had surprised even him that they had gotten together: he really, really had not meant to ask out a woman from his rival house, but he hadn't been able to help himself. She was smart, pretty, and generally charming, if sarcastic, ambitious and sometimes downright vicious when in a bad mood. Maybe girl Slytherins were better than boy Slytherins? Anyway, she had been nice to him, sometimes OVERLY nice, in their school days, and as an added bonus, she knew how to make a Wolfsbane potion.
Creidwy was employed as the Potions Professor at Hogwarts in an attempt to earn some more money to supplement her real passion, classical singing, but was underpaid even there and talked often about leaving and giving the job to her friend (Remus grimaced) Severus Snape. On the whole, she had a smaller income that Remus himself, the reason she spent most of her time at his flat.
Smiling slightly, Remus watched her work. She was singing to herself again, a song Remus recognized from one of the countless Muggle operas she adored and performed in.
Her long, dark red hair reached the start of her narrow hips and was held back in a thick ponytail to keep it from dragging in the potion. Her body type was more delicate than Remus usually preferred, not wanting to inflict his werewolf self on a frail woman: she appeared strikingly thin even in her favorite dark red robes, and her hands and lips were delicate and girlish.
Unfortunately, all that delicate appearance was deceiving, concealing an impish and saucy nature and the worst temper he had yet to experience, which, as Remus had pissed off various teachers and Filch numerous times over the course of his years at Hogwarts, was really saying something.
"So, Mr. Lupin," Creidwy began mock-seriously, "given any
thought to what today is?"
Today? TODAY? Bad question! Bad! Oh, shit, today, today, today….anniversary, Christmas, St. Valentine's Day, Halloween…he hazarded a guess.
Damn! His voice had pitched itself about one octave higher than normal. She was going to murder him. He was dead wrong.
"Yes…." She said, slightly amused, "but, ah, whose
"Er…yours?" Good. Voice back to normal.
"Yes!" She cried delightedly. "Twenty-one today. You remember what that means, right?"
Dear God, no. Shoot him now. Ready, aim, fire!
"Er…I said…I said…" What did he say? WHAT DID HE SAY?
"You said you would be happy to celebrate with some of my friends," she finished for him.
"Friends?" Remus managed weakly.
"Mmhmm," she affirmed, "You know…Severus, Lucius, Narcissa, Bellatrix…"
Remus Lupin eyed the cauldron, wishing he could drown himself in it.
What had he been thinking? A GIRLFRIEND? Stupid Remus! Cruel woman! Tomorrow, he resolved for the millionth time, he was dumping her and getting a goldfish.
"Mum?" Lily said slowly into the telephone. "Mum? It's me, Lily…I'm…(gulp)…I'm, no, mum, I'm not pregnant! I'm engaged. To who? To James Potter, of course! Mum? Mum! Stop laughing! MUM!"
This was going to be the wedding planning session from Hell.