This is something that happened to a friend of mine. Therefore, it should be quite obvious that I have not a single original bone in my body, and I am using other people's (i.e. J.K Rowling's) ideas to get my kicks! Just a bit of fun…
Albus sat on a bench in Hogsmeade waiting for Minerva to come back from the loo. He was exhausted as he and his deputy had been up half the night trying to coax a terrified Neville Longbottom down from the top of the giant Christmas tree in the Great Hall. The poor boy had been deposited up there by a group of over-excited Gryffindors, led by the Weasley twins, who had flown him up there on their brooms and fastened him to the branches using muggle duct tape. It was particularly difficult to get him down owing to the ferocity of this particular type of tree and its disinclination to let the boy go.
The tree was a Giant Spruce, a variety known for its bad temper when potted as well as the sharpness of its needles. Already, half of the fairies being used to decorate it had resigned in protest over the standard of their work area and Professor Flitwick was currently in the middle of negotiations with the remaining five hundred who were claiming wing damage.
In the end, it had taken both Albus and Minerva on their brooms, a very flashy advanced transfiguration spell and a sharp pair of scissors to get Neville down. And then the boy had to be taken to Madam Pomfrey to have the pine needles removed from his bum.
All in all a rather trying evening.
He chuckled to himself as he remembered Neville on top of the tree. Poor boy, he thought. It was unfair of the students to always use Longbottom and he had had to reprimand the Weasley twins, which he disliked doing, for the joke had been a good one. At least, it had afforded the rest of the staff a good laugh over breakfast, where they witnessed the unfortunate Neville attempting to eat his eggs and bacon whilst standing up.
He nestled into his cloak as it began to snow again. What on earth was the woman doing? It would be dark soon, and he wanted to pop into Honeydukes before going back up to the school.
Suddenly, an owl swooped over his head and landed on the bench next to him, dropping a letter in his lap.
"To the current occupant of the bench opposite Honeydukes, Hogsmeade" it said.
He looked around, to see if someone else was expecting an owl, but there appeared to be no one but him.
"Well, that's me, I suppose" he said aloud, and proceeded to open the letter, but it suddenly burst open on its own and unrolled itself before him. As he jumped out of his skin, he chastised himself for not being more careful about his post. Only this morning he had received an angry letter from a woman claiming he had clearly not finished Grindelwald off properly as the dark wizard was currently sitting in her kitchen in the shape of a five year old boy, demanding to be fed. She had cemented her wrath by enclosing a bow truckle, which was most put out at being removed from its' natural habitat, folded in half, and stuffed in an envelope and proceeded to take its' anger out on Albus. It was only when Minerva had whacked it over the head with her goblet that it was foiled in its' attempt at skewering his eyes, and lay still long enough for Hagrid to return it to the wild.
This letter didn't seem to contain anything harmful, however.
"CONGRATULATIONS!" boomed a voice suddenly, that sounded remarkably similar to Gilderoy Lockhart's' "You have won today's GRAND PRIZE!!"
Albus read the words as he heard them and smiled in amusement as the parchment flashed at him and began to play the 1812 overture very loudly. "You are now live on air on Wizard Wireless's very own DAILY DARES!"
"Good heavens!" Albus exclaimed. He had heard about this show from Professor Sprout, who was no doubt listening in as he spoke. It was a game show where unsuspecting members of the public were contacted, did a dare and received a prize. Professor Sprout had often hinted that she would like to be on it one day. Apparently, you had to be nominated by a friend. Perhaps she had nominated him.
"That's right, lucky listeners!" Yelled the voice again. "We have a winner! Could you tell us your name please and where you come from?"
"My name is Albus Dumbledore and I live at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry".
"Congratulations Albus Dumbledore!! Would you like to claim your prize?"
"But I haven't done anything!"
"Not yet you haven't, but you're about to hear the challenge!"
"Oh, I see."
"Do you see Honeydukes in front of you?"
"You have exactly one minute to grab a basket, run round the shop and fill the basket with as many sweets as you can manage. When your time is up, everything you have collected will be yours, courtesy of DAILY DARES! What do you say?"
"Oh, jolly good. I need to go in there any…"
"Are you ready Albus Dumbledore?"
"Three, two one go!"
Albus legged it across the street, into the shop and grabbed a basket.
"One minute!" he thought excitedly "That's not very long! Better go for the sherbet lemons first…"
He headed over to the corner where his favourite sweets were kept, and swiftly emptied the entire contents of the jar into his basket. He cast the jar aside as he made for the fizzing whizzbees. Giving no heed to the mess he was making, he ran along the shelf with his arm held out and scooped almost the entire contents into his basket. Cockroach clusters, Bertie Botts ("damn, I hate those" he thought. "Oh well, maybe some of the staff will like them…"), chocolate frogs and various other varieties of sweets joined his hoard.
"What next?" He thought. "Ah ha! Ginger newts for Minerva!"
He ran round and knocked several tins into the basket and then proceeded to tip the entire contents of a rack of lolly pops on the counter in, before finally coming to a halt in front of the service witch. He stood there panting, smiling expectantly, eyeing his magnificent stockpile, which was threatening to overflow onto the cash desk.
The witch did nothing but scowl and cast her eyes around the shop, which was now in a severe state of disarray. She looked at him darkly, arms akimbo.
"Are you going to pay for all this?!" She cried.
"Oh no!" He replied cheerfully, "The people from DAILY DARES are. This is the prize I've just won. My dare was to get round Honeydukes in one minute and fill my basket with as many sweets as I could and everything I collect will be paid for by the wireless show."
He continued smiling at her from the other side of the counter, even as she "humpfed" and re-positioned her hands on her hips. "Who's doing the timing then?" She asked.
He looked around. "Timing? Why I…"
"Someone's been having you on, headmaster!" She cried, still scowling.
The smile fell from his lips as he realised he'd replaced Neville Longbottom in the "most gullible wizard" contest.
"Look at this mess!" squawked the witch, surveying the shop once more.
"I really am most terribly sorry" he said, sheepishly waving his wand and restoring order where all was chaos. He looked down at his basket and banished the sweets back to where they had come from.
"You can't put those sherbet lemons back!" yelled the crotchety witch "That's unhygienic, that is! They might be contaminated!"
"Contaminated? Oh well, I suppose I was going to buy some anyway. And I'll take one of the ginger newts too…I really am most dreadfully sorry…"
He paid what was owed, and then exited the shop hurriedly and not without a feeling of deep embarrassment.
Minerva, who had spotted him inside Honeydukes, was sitting on the bench waiting for him. He didn't look quite himself, she thought, but paid it no mind as they strolled back towards the castle. He had a strange smile on his face, and looked like he wanted to tell her something. He kept opening his mouth as if to speak, and then changing his mind with a small smile and a twinkle in his eye.
"Is there something wrong, Albus?" She asked.
"Well…" He began to tell her about what had happened.
"I'm so embarrassed, Minerva, I shall never be able to go in there with a straight face again!"
There was a small whimper from his deputy and he turned to look at her. Her eyes were closed, her lips pressed tightly together and her shoulders were shaking. Clearly she was trying to stifle her laughter.
"Minerva?" He said, smiling.
She turned to look him in the eye and her restraint broke.
"Oh Albus!" she cried as she burst into shrieks of laughter, stopping where she was, doubling over with mirth and dropping her shopping in the snow. The sight of her set him off, and after a few moments of mutual hilarity, he picked up her shopping for her, took her by the arm, and together they helped each other stagger back towards the castle, screaming with laughter all the way.
Fred and George Weasley looked out at their Headmaster from the Gryffindor common room window and congratulated themselves on a job well done. Well, when he had told them off last night he had asked that they pick on someone their own size from now on…
I'm not sure about this one...so would be very appreciative of constructive reviews. Ta very much.