(A/N: Writers block and stress relief.)
"You son of a bitch!"
Hawkeye screamed, and sent BJ reeling with another blow to the face. Already bruising and bleeding in various places, BJ ran forward and swung his fist straight into Hawkeye's stomach. The air whooshed out of him and he fell backwards, crashing into the stove and nearly bringing the entire tent down on them.
"Goddamn you, why don't you just die?!"
"That's what I've been fighting against since the second I got here!" BJ grunted with exertion, teeth bared, as his elbow connected with Hawkeye's head. "Fighting death, to get back to my wife and daughter! But you wouldn't know about any of that!"
He went flying a second time, as Hawkeye punched him solidly in the side of the face. Dazed for a moment, he barely comprehended the low, throaty, growled words that were laced with anger and pain. "Go to hell! I've been standing in blood and guts here longer than you! Don't tell me what I do and don't fucking know, you bastard!" He picked BJ up by the collar of his fatigues and threw him – straight through the door of the Swamp. There was a loud crack as the hinges broke free and the wooden door hit the dirt, with BJ on top of it.
That was when the spectators started to gather. Nurses, corpsmen, chopper pilots, ambulance drivers, personnel of all ranks gathered around the Swamp to watch. They hardly dared make an attempt to break it up, though, as things were starting to look pretty nasty and no one wanted to get in between Hawkeye and BJ in such a state. Klinger rushed out of Post-Op, holding his dress hem up and out of the dirt.
"Holy Toledo!" He cried, dashing into the tent. BJ had dragged himself off the ground and was exchanging punches with Hawkeye again, still shouting obscenities. Klinger planted himself firmly in between the two of them. "Captain Pierce, Captain Hunnic- oof!" Hawkeye had promptly headbutted the poor Corporal in the stomach, and he staggered back out of the Swamp.
As people held Klinger up while he recovered, Margaret marched straight into the Swamp without looking back. "Pierce! What the hell-"She ducked a fist and tripped, falling straight through a tear in the canvas. Rolling her eyes, she gave up and went back to the group of worried onlookers. She elbowed Charles, indicating that he should do something since it was his tent too, but he just shook his head furiously and shrank to the back of the group.
"Hawkeye! BJ!" There was a familiar, placating voice ringing in their ears as each was shoved away from the other by firm, yet gentle hands.
"Mulcahy, get the hell out of here!" Hawkeye snarled, shoving the startled priest out the door. A moment later he resumed his furious onslaught, pummeling his bunkmate into a bruised and battered state.
"Colonel Potter! Colonel Potter!" Radar cried frantically. Potter looked up from whatever he was signing, his glasses slipping down to the end of his nose. He pushed them back up again.
"Calm down, son. What's the matter?"
"It's Hawkjay and Beejeye! I mean Hawkbeej and – Captains Pierce and Hunnicutt are beating the stuffing out of eachother in the Swamp! It's really bad! They're all bloody and screaming and swearing..." Poor Radar looked to be on the verge of tears, his cap and glasses askew. Potter's eyes widened and he jumped up, dropping his pen and running out the door behind Radar.
"Piece... of... shit!" Hawkeye hit BJ several times in the chest. "You don't even deserve your wife and kids! Selfish asshole!"
"What about you?!" BJ screamed back, kicking out with a heavy Army boot and catching Hawkeye right between the legs. Hawkeye dropped onto his cot, hands over the injured area and his face reddening rapidly. "You fucking a- "
"PIERCE! HUNNICUTT! WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD IS GOING ON HERE?!" Neither one stopped until they heard a gunshot. Potter sheathed his pistol and glared at the two. "Damn it, what'n the hell's gotten into the two of you?"
"Why, Colonel," Hawkeye said through a mouthful of bright red blood "don't you know what day it is?"
"National 'Beat the Living Daylights Out of Your Bunkmate' day?!"
"Nope," said BJ. "It's April first."
Hawkeye licked his lips. "Want some ketchup?"