Disclaimer: The song "The Big Rock Candy Mountain" doesn't belong to me,
nor does any aspect of Middle Earth. The verses in italics were written by
my dear, dear friend Caitlin. The verses in bold type are mine. Normal type
is a joint effort.

Dedication: For you again, Caitlin and co-author. I haven't forgotten.
This song is meant to go to the tune of "The Big Rock Candy Mountain". We
used the "O Brother, Where Art Thou?" version. Trust me, it's funniest when
sung with the appropriate bounciness.

We were sitting around in Rivendell
The red sunset was burnin'
And we met a hobbit bearing the Ring
And he said, "Boys, I'm not turnin'
I'm heading to a land that's dull and gray
Beyond the Misty Mountains
Let's go, you and I
We'll go and die
On the Big Rock Fiery Mountain

On the Big Rock Fiery Mountain
You'll probably end up dead
'Cause if you slip upon the rocks
You'll hurt more than your head
The land is dry and desolate
And the streams run red with blood

'Cause you're bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
And the wind don't blow
On the Big Rock Fiery Mountain

On the Big Rock Fiery Mountain
The skies are never blue
And if you're not so lucky, then
An orc might run you through
You'll wish you never came here
To see blue skies again

'Cause you're bound to go... (etc.)

Near the Big Rock Fiery Montain
The land consists of swamps
You have to watch where you put your foot
'Cause the marsh is full of haunts
And you're guide's a slimy creature
Who has really bad grammer

'Cause you're bound to go...(etc.)

On the Big Rock Fiery Mountain
Vast armies march around
And if you want to not be seen
You have to crawl on the ground
And if you happen to run out of water
You're done for now, my friend

'Cause you're bound to go...(etc.)

To get to that fiery mountain
We'll walk for months and months
This obviously is a journey that
You can only do once
And all the while we'll be pursued
By the horrible Nazgul

'Cause you're bound to go...(etc.)

But the Big Rock Fiery Mountain
Is where we have to go
Through mine, through river, and through swamp
Through avalanche and snow
Because if we don't get there
The world will be DESTROYED

So we're bound to go
Where there ain't no snow
Where the rain don't fall
And the wind don't blow
On the Big Rock Fiery Mountain."