Title: Why Draco Should Not Be Using Tampons
Author: Padfoot the Marauder
Disclaimer: Not mine. No money. Please don't sue! Honestly, if I owned the Harry Potter characters do you think I would keep them occupied by using them in a silly story as this? If they were all mine, there are one or two I can think of that would suit much better when strapped to my bedpost, thank you very much.
Summary: Draco and Hermione, like all newly appointed Head Boys and –Girls before them, are assigned to switch bodies for the first week of term to ensure a prosperous collaboration between them in the future. Will this week turn out to be as horrible as it sounds? Probably, but you'll have to read to find out. HG/DM.
Note: My Beta is working on this, but it isn't Beta'd yet. I'm leaving on vacation in 13 days so I had to start posting now or there'd be a 20-day gap between updates. Once the Beta'd version comes through I'll put that up.
"I HAVE TO WHAT?" Hermione shrieked.
"I'm sorry Miss Granger, but those are the rules: The new Head Boy and Head Girl are assigned to switch bodies the first week of term" professor McGonagall said sternly, but her voice was filled with sympathy all the same.
"How come I've never heard of this rule before?" Hermione asked, feeling somewhat panic-stricken. When she had been summoned to Professor McGonagall's office she had naturally assumed it was regarding her new position as Head Girl, but she had not been expecting that it would concern something like this.
"It's kept secret from all other students" McGonagall explained. "The reason of the body-switch is to ensure a prosperous collaboration between the Head Boy and Girl in the future. They have to overcome each other's differences through a partnership in making the switch go unnoticed for all others."
"I know it's not a very alluring prospect to hand over your body to someone else for any number of times, Miss Granger. But bear in mind that all Head Girls before you have suffered the same. Trust me; I know from personal experience" she said, seemingly shuddering at the unpleasant memory.
Hermione opened her mouth to protest, but didn't really know what to say. She was at a loss. Suddenly she found a goblet being pushed into her hands filled with a somewhat familiar-looking essence.
"It's Polyjuice-plus potion" the professor explained. "Drink this tonight before you go to bed. The switch should be completed by morning and last for seven days."
Hermione stared at goblet and then looked at her professor pleadingly.
"I'm sorry Miss Granger" she said apologetically. "Try to see it as a way in which you can grow as a person."
Hermione suppressed the urge to snort derisively.
"And remember; you must not tell anyone about the switch. Not even Mister Potter or Mister Weasley."
Hermione nodded in defeat, excused herself and made her way towards her dorm.
In her opinion life couldn't get any worse right now. Not only was she going to have to switch bodies with a boy, she was going to have to switch with Malfoy! And both ideas made her really nervous for several reasons, all of which should be quite obvious. And Malfoy was going to have her body. Who knows what he would do to it whilst he has it. Her eyes widened at the thought.
He was going to see her naked.
While she was not there.
Getting a nice view of every single flaw she was embarrassed of... while she was not there!
"Good lord, this is a nightmare" she thought as she stepped through the portrait hole of the common room she shared with Malfoy. At least there was that. If the Head Boy and Girl didn't have their private quarters she would have found herself sharing a dormitory and bathroom with the Slytherin seventh years. Something Hermione didn't really find all that appealing.
"You must be utterly ecstatic, aren't you Granger?" Malfoy's familiar voice drawled.
"Not really" Hermione answered the sarcastic Slytherin who was lounged back in the sofa in front of the unlit fireplace. "But I'm sure you're about to enlighten me why I should be."
"Getting to spend seven days in the body of an actual wizard must be something you Muggleborns constantly dream about" he said contemptuously. "I hope you didn't faint from the sheer honour that was bestowed on you."
"I managed" Hermione replied. "I was actually more concerned with the birth defects I'm probably going to be faced with due to the several generations of inbreeding your family has been engaging in. Should I be psychologically preparing myself for an extra head or limb under those robes or is it just a mental deformation you're suffering from?"
"How dare you speak to me like that?" Malfoy drawled as he got up from the sofa and faced Hermione. "You filthy little–"
"Mudblood?" Hermione finished for him. "I'd watch who you're calling a Mudblood, Malfoy, because for the next week; you'll be one!"
"I'll be counting down the minutes" Malfoy spat.
"Likewise" Hermione replied as she walked past him and headed towards her room. She let out a frustrated growl as she slammed the door behind her.
The nerve of that boy! Honestly!
She sat her steaming goblet at her bedside table and went to get ready for bed.
"'To ensure a prosperous collaboration between Head Boy and Girl', my bum!" Hermione thought grudgingly as she was brushing her teeth. "More likely we'll kill each other and they'll have to assign replacements."
As she was done with her pre-sleep preparations and she had dressed herself in her flannel pyjamas she walked over to her nightstand and picked up the Polyjuice-plus potion.
"Bottoms up" she said to herself. Once she had drained the icky substance in one go, she put the goblet down and got into bed. As she had safely nestled herself under the sheets she released a sigh of frustration. The next morning she was going to be waking up as Malfoy. She had always took pity on the poor girls who would wake up next to him (and if rumours were true; there were a lot), but waking up as him; that's just so disconcerting it's almost funny.
End of prologue
A/N: I know that in the books in the beginning of the year students arrive on Sunday and classes start the day after that on Monday, September the 1st. But it just worked better this way (and it's just a basic fact that it's impossible for September 1st to fall on a Monday every year) ;)