Category: Ryan's after thoughts as he and Theresa drive away.
Rating: PG-13 (Just to cover my bum)
Author's note: This is what I feel Ryan feels lol- if it's out of character my apologizes, I hope you like it.
Disclaimers: I own nothing.
FeedBack: Is appreciated.
Ryan watched as the expensive houses and professionally kept lawns passed before his eyes. He watched as the life he had come to cherish faded from his view. He felt horrible.
He could remember how it felt to leave his real mother, and brother, and it felt nothing like this. He remembered the way his stomach lurched when he was forced to leave Trey in prison and go back to his cushiony pool house in Orange County. He felt like he abandoned him.
Ever since the beach party, where he and Seth had first been jointly harassed by the polo team he had deemed himself Seth's protector. He knew the type of person Seth was. He hid behind his laughter and sarcasm. It was his only defensive weapon. Humor, although very useful in a battle of wits didn't do much to protect someone from a fist in the face.
So as he watched the Orange County get farther and farther away in the rear view mirror, he couldn't help but feel that he had betrayed his best friend. His charge. He knew that Seth was old enough to protect himself, but he also knew that he wanted to be there for him. He wanted to be the one who took the punches and bloodied his hands. He'd do anything to keep Seth from having to do that, from having to be that person.
Ryan cringed inwardly as he though of all he'd be leaving behind. A family, he never thought he could have. A family he had grown to love like his own. Actually, a family he had grown to love more than his own. He couldn't picture feeling the same way about Kristen as he did about the woman who brought him in to this world. Yes he did love her, she was his mother whether she liked it or not. No matter how far she went she'd still have the same blood in her veins as was in him.
But Kristen was another story. Kristen took care of him, hugged him, thankfully she never cooked for him, she shared those smiles with him, those secret mother smiles. Those smiles made him feel like a son, like he belonged to that family. Like they knew something others didn't. Something that only happened in their home. She was his mother by choice. That meant a million times more than blood, at least it did to him. She was there when he needed her to be, and even when he didn't want her to be. She was there for him in the dark and the light, never asking more than he could give, and giving all she had.
He closed his eyes at the thought of Sandy. That was a great man. He had taken him in when even his best friends, or his closer friends, wouldn't. He had brought him into his home and taken him back even after burning down his wife's model home. He had taught him how to tie a tie. He had... Been the father figure to a child that had never been given someone to idolize. His claps on the back, and constant support had meant more to him than Sandy could ever know.
They had all meant so much to him. They were his home.
As he watched the final signs of the pricey uptown country roll from view he felt his heart clench, he hadn't known what it felt like to leave home till now. Because the first time he left a house... Not a home.
As he turned to stare at the road ahead he couldn't help but think that he would do the same for his child. For his child. He couldn't help but think of how great it was to be a Cohen. And his child, name withstanding, would be a Cohen.