You know 'em? "Those days" ... everything goes wrong and just as you think 'It can't get any worse', it gets worse? I'm sure you know them... well, everyone of us can imagine, how such an unpleasant day would look like in the case of Shinji Ikari. If you can not, read this story. If you can, read the story as well. If you don't like it, please don't flame me to hell... If you like it, send a nice review and smile for the rest of the week. I know, my English is no better than Shinji's courage, so please be kind... and I know I left out some commas...
Disclaimer: I own my underwear, my shirt and my lucky egg. I do not own Evangelion, it's characters or something like that. That's Gainax's business.
"Random text" This is in speech (means, what people say out loud / those voices you hear in your head!)
'I love women' This is in thought (means, what people think, all quiet for themselves)
-:I am lonely:- This is people talking over a phone… I am sure you all heard of that.
Sneeze sniff This is what people actually do, in mid sentence.
-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback
-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- And this, how surprising, is the end of a flashback.
!(A/N: I love cheeseburgers!)! This is just random rambling from the author.
Chapter one: Good Morning.
Shinji woke up. He stretched for some seconds and yawned.
"Ohaiyo..." he said to himself, half asleep with his eyes barely open. He got up and put his clothes on. He yawned again as he got out of his room and into the kitchen.
"Well, let's prepare something delicious..."'… before I get ripped apart…' He knew, that he had to brighten up the mood of his housemates.
"Asuka has her time of month and Misato will have a hangover sigh Dear Lord," he extended his arms sideways and looked to the ceiling, waiting a second for inspiration, "have some mercy for good old Shinji." he prayed with a smile.
He walked over to the fridge and as he opened it, he saw that they were out of eggs.
"Well, no fresh pancakes today..." He checked all of their food supplies and was rather shocked.
"No instant pancakes either... not even toast bread. I've got nothing here…living hell is what people would call this morning." he moaned and nodded to himself.
'Perhaps there is some food in the beer fridge.' Shinji thought desperately. As he opened that one he was under real shock.
"No beer either??? Geez... and I have no hop or malt." He sighed and made a grimace. "I think some Shinji-home-brewed one wouldn't do it anyway." He shook his head.
There was no breakfast and no beer. At times like this, Shinji hated his life.
"How the heck can that be??? We had everything on stock yesterday..." he complained. He knew already, this morning would be a ride to hell and back. Well, to hell yes… back… who knows.
He froze as he heard the sound of a door being opened. 'Oh, that's bad...' Then, just seconds later, another door opened. '… And things turn worse.'
"Let me first! I am the great Asuka Sohryu Langley, the Second Children, the best of all pilots … I am of high importance." Asuka growled in bad mood.
"I am Major Misato Katsuragi, Director of NERV Operations and I am your superior. I am going first." Misato jangled back.
'And I am Shinji Ikari, the poor devil who is fucked up this morning...'
The argument about the bathroom lasted for another five minutes, but Shinji didn't listen. He looked for a way to save his sorry ass. And, to his own surprise, he found some kiwi fruits in the back of the fridge and, to his very surprise, he found an alcohol-free beer. (Only god knows, how such a drink found it's way in there)
After he prepared the breakfast he was quite proud of his doing.
'With a little bit of luck and a gentle kick from god, they are too sleepy or annoyed to notice any difference' he hoped.
To his unlucky surprise, both women entered the kitchen at the same time. They stood at the door. Dawn of the dead was greeting. 'Oh, worst case closing in!' he thought and swallowed.
"H-had a good night?" Shinji asked nervously.
Both women came closer.
"Where is my breakfast? You do not want me to eat these rotten things, do you?"
"Where is my beer? I seriously hope that non-alcoholic thing is just a joke!"
'Where is my fuckin' gentle kick from god???' Shinji thought annoyed.
"Well, we are out of everything. No eggs, no instant things, no toast and no beer. I can't serve you anything this morning, except for this mumble assortment on the table."
Shinji hoped, they would have some understanding for his situation; that they would have some mercy for him. However, hopes are for those who have no luck.
"That's not my problem! And if you have to run around and sing "I am the chicken-girl." I don't care. I want real breakfast and I want it now!" Asuka stated with some force in her voice.
"Beer. I want real beer, no matter how you do it, just do it!" Misato said in her commanding voice.
'I want to be on a tropical island without all of you! A COMPLETELY uninhabited island...'
"The stores are not open yet, so I can't even buy something! I am really sorry, but you have to get breakfast on your way to school and you have to surpass a morning without beer."
Shinji immediately noticed, that his last sentence would do no good to his popularity in this apartment.
"You'll be sorry for that!"
"Next mission, you'll have the stooge part!"
Shinji sighed. Why him? Why is he the guy without any luck? Because the author is a sadist!!!
"You know what? Before I get killed in this apartment, I'll go to school."
He rose up, picked up his bag on the way out and left the apartment, not saying another word.
He walked down the sideway. The streets were wet; it had rained yesterday. Although it was early in the morning, the temperature was comfortable. Fresh, but not cold.
"This day can only improve..." he whined silently into the streets. Just seconds later, a car drove through a puddle and splattered plenty of the dirty water on Shinji. He just stopped moving.
"Great...sigh it was obvious, wasn't it?" He looked up to the sky. "Say, you really hate me, right? You send Angels on my ass and make my life a living hell. You think this is funny? Yeah, I'll bet you're laughing your sadistic ass off right now." He eventually calmed down a bit and continued his way to school.
Shinji made a detour, so he could pick up some breakfast. Unfortunately he got lost in some side streets and had an unpleasant encounter with a dog who was very big and in a very bad mood; The calf-sized dog chased him for a while. Finally, with slightly torn trousers and no breakfast, Shinji arrived at school. Five minutes before class.
'At least I can't have that much bad luck in school' he thought.
!(A/N: I think otherwise…)!
Will Shinji's rest of the day be peaceful? Will god die of oxygen deficiency? And where the hell is the lost sock I washed today?
Answers to these entire questions in the next chapter or in your afterlife.