Author: Paladin Steelbreaker

Title: How To Kill Terminators: Off With Their Heads, I Tell You

Copyright: July 2004

Rating:       PG

Spoilers:     Buffy and all three Terminator Movies. 

Keywords:     John Connor in trouble

Summary:      How to rehabilitate two Terminators.

Legalese: All characters except those noted below with their respective rights, properties and copyrights are the property of their respective creators, authors, owners, producers and agencies. These characters are used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended or meant, and no money will be made from this story. This story may be copied in its entirety, and may be distributed as long as all copyright information remains.

Author's Notes: I always wondered how The Resistance got hold of no less than two terminators that they reprogrammed. 

Dedications:  I would like to dedicate this one to James Cammeron and Joathan Mostown for making three of the best action movies ever.

Now onto the show.

How To kill A Terminator: Off With Their Heads, I Tell You.

John Connor, newly elected leader of the Human Resitance Against The Machines, was running for his life. He had been running for 5 days now, and those two 101's just wouldn't quit. He had to get away from them. He had to get back to headquarters, or else the resistance was doomed. 5 days ago he had hacked into a low level Skynet station, and found out their newest plan to end humanity. Again they would send a Terminator to the past, this time to terminate john himself. For a moment he thought about his father. Kyle Reece, It was strange to be older than ones father. Still it hurt to think about his fate. And now he had to send yet another person back in time on a suicide mission, cause he hadn't managed to get hold of a T-800 model 101 yet. Something was wrong. By now he should have had it. There had been an altering of the future.

He allowed himself a brief rest in an alley. He was so tired. His entire body screamed in fatigue. Not only from exhaustion, but from the blood loss. A round from one of the terminators have tore a deep gash across his chin a few hours ago, and the damned thing just kept opening up again.

BZZZT….. TARGET AQUIRED.

THREAT ASSESSMENT: INSIGNIFICANT.

ESTIMATED SUCCESS: 75.9%

ALLY ARRIVED!

OPENING COLLABORATION FILE

ESTIMATED SUCCESS: 99.9%

FIRING NOW!

BANG!

BANG!

John by incredible luck, ducked under the shots, but as he crawled backwards he knew it. This was it, unless a miracle happened, he and the rest of the human race were doomed. The shot that was intended on him, hit a wall, and half the ramshackle building collapsed, missing him by a hairs width.  The worst was that he couldn't defend himself. He had been out of ammo for a day now. He looked frantically around for anything he could use as a weapon, and grabbed one of the bricks.

BZZZZT….. TARGETING

THREAT ASESSMENT: NONE

ESTIMATED SUCCESS: 100%

FIRI…

As both terminators lifted their guns, a decidedly feminine fist suddenly smashed through the pile of bricks. And John impossibly enough felt his fear heightening. T-X! How was that possible! It wasn't invented yet! Time travel?

But as a petite woman exploded out of the debris, his mouth gaped open. The blonde woman that placed herself protectively in front of him, looked like she couldn't hurt a fly. That is, if it weren't for her seriously ticked off muttering.

"God damn it, Willow! I ask you to teleport me to this guy, and I end up under a pile of bricks! A simple teleporting spell is all I asked for. But no! Murphy is at it again.  Damnit! I hate it when Whistler gives me not so subtle messages from TPTB!" As she muttered, the terminators shifted their attention to her.

BZZZT… NEW TARGET ACQUIRED

THREAT ASSESSMENT: MODERATE

ESTIMATED SUCCESS: 70%

AIMING TO FIRE…

The damn machines barely had time to shift their aim to her, before she erupted into motion. With a speed faster than even the T-X, she attacked with some kind of strange battle-axe. With moves that was like taken straight out of The Matrix, she leaped into the air, grabbed the gun from one of the Terminators, snap kicked the other's gun in Johns direction with perfect aim, and kicked the metalhead so hard in the gut, that it flew about 20 feet up the ally. SNICKT!!! With impossible strength she snapped the gun she was holding in two, as she delivered a thunderous spin kick to the head of the nearest terminator. Then she took the battle-axe in a two-hand grip and entered a fighting stance.

BZZT.. ANALYZING SITUATION

THREAT ASSESSMENT: POSSIBLE ROGUE TERMINATOR

ESTIMATED SUCCESS: 50%

BZZT… ANALYSING SECONDARY TARGET

ENEMY 100% HUMAN.

THREAT ASSESSMENT: MODERATE/HIGH

OPENING MARTIAL ARTS FILE AND SHIFTING TO UNARMED COMBAT

As the three started fighting, John desperately tried to aim for one of the terminators, but ended up just having to watch. The threat of hitting his angel of rescue was too great. But damn! It didn't look like she needed the help. The woman swung the battle-axe, and a moment later one of the terminators fell to the ground, sans its head. "Yay! One to The Slayer, zero to the terminators!" She shouted and pumped her fist in the air. But the last terminator took advantage of her momentary lapse of concentration. With a tremendous kick he snapped the handle of the battle-axe, and delivered a punch to her head that John knew should have been terminal. Still she slowly stood up, as a vicious snarl came over her lips. "Now you really have pissed me off. Nobody breaks my scythe, without getting a major can of whupass in the head."  She attacked in a flurry of kicks and punches. After a few minutes of kicking the machine around like a ragdolly, she jumped onto the terminators shoulders, and proceeded to RIP OFF ITS HEAD, with her BARE HANDS!!!

BZZZZZT…. ANALYSING TARGET.

DOES NOT COMPARE TO FILE ON HUMAN STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES.

THREAT ASSESSMENT: DEADLY

ESTIMATED SUCCESS:  ZERO

ANALYSING SITUATION: ……….

SEARCHING FILES ON HUMAN LANGUAGE.  

SUITABLE EXPRESSION FOUND "OH CRAP!!!!!!"

SHUTTING DOWN PROCESSOR.

"BZZZZTTT……BEEEP, BZZOOOOOOP."

 As the last light died in the cyborg's eyes, the silence was deafening. Then she swore. "Damn! They tore my shirt! That was my favourite shirt!!!" Then she turned towards him. "Hi there! I guess you are John Connor, and are in need off a couple of reprogramable metalheads. Well here they are she said and dropped the two heads at his feet. Then she reached into her jacket and gave him a disc. "This little piece of hacker's heaven should help you getting them over to your side. But do not try it on Skynet, it is immune to the reprogramming." Then she picked up the broken battle-axe, with a sorrowful face. "Well maybe Willow can fix it! It is magical, after all." Then she walked out of the ally, as if she never were there. It took John another 10 minutes to come out of his shock, and call for assistance.

Later that day he was sitting in his quarters, after leaving the sick bay. There was a God, he decided. Now he didn't need to sacrifice any of his friends and comrades. But he still wondered about the woman. She couldn't be a terminator; she was far too temperamental for that. But she wasn't normal either. She had called her self The Slayer. WHAT THE HECK WAS THE SLAYER???????