Rei: Howdy! I figured since I haven't written a fanfic in a while I might as well churn something out. This is a...strange fic. It's got Yukiru as the primary couple, which was unusual for me since I usually write shonen ai (at least lately.) But that's okay, because variety is good!

Warnings: Well Yukiru. If anyone has some raging objection to the couple then stay away. Yuki's a bit OOC in this thing, sorry about that. ; OOC- ness can be good sometimes, right? Right?! OO

Disclaimer: I've never published anything save for a story in the school litmag. Take a wild guess as to whether or not I'm Natsuki Takaya.

...he was crying...

by Rei

If you know me, Tohru, or Akito, you wouldn't think that me kissing her on his futon is something that's likely to happen, or a very good idea on my part.

Right, you do know me. I don't know you all that well and don't care to. You know that. What do you mean you don't know that? Okay fine, I never rejected you outright. Why are you grimacing like that? Motoko? Did I say something to upset you? Oh, the kissing Tohru thing. Please don't hurt her, she's already upset enough. It was my fault, she had nothing to do with it. Okay, yeah she was involved but...Motoko...

Could you stop ripping up those flowers? They're from Tohru. Oh, now you're ripping them up more. Thanks a lot Motoko. This really makes me like you better. Look, you're being really immature right now. I could just call the nurse and have her throw you out if you don't quit it. Thank you. Oh hey, could you maybe get up and close the door? I don't want that baka neko getting in here. I mean, um, Kyo. He reminds me of a cat, so sue me.

Yes, I like your new dress Motoko. You've asked me that twelve times already.

Yes, my ribs do hurt. So does my arm. And my leg. And my head. Yes, that's why I'm in a hospital, they're broken. What did you say? You broke your wrist once? Well I bet that didn't hurt nearly as much as this.

Oh so now you want me to tell you what happened. Now why should I do that? How is this any of your business? Who let you in here anyway? Kyo did? I'll kick his ass later, once I'm all healed up. I don't want a glass of water. I don't know what that has to do with anything. Look I'm sorry if I'm being rude Motoko, I'm just not in a very good mood right now. I just got a bunch of my bones broken by my stupid cousin, plus you're here and I don't even know why.

You're here because you wanted to make sure I was alright? Well who told you anything was wrong in the first place? Kyo again? God, one of these days...oh well. Look, why don't you just go home? Don't you have some test or another to be studying for? Finals are coming up soon, aren't they? They're done? God how long have I been out for? I want to ask Hatori some questions, could you go get him for me? Who's Hatori? Oh sorry, I forgot you wouldn't know him. He's my doctor. He'll have hair in front of his eyes and he'll look like he hasn't slept in weeks. He probably hasn't.

He's not here now? Well when's he gonna be here? Would you go ask?

Not 'til tomorrow, eh?

Well then.

That's annoying. Why isn't he here, isn't there some medical thingy that would have told him I was going to wake up soon? You don't know. Can you find out where he is please?

With another patient? Well that's just great. It's probably Akito. Stupid bastard doesn't deserve Hatori taking care of him, after what he did to me. He's probably just tired after whipping and beating me the way he did. That was what? Two weeks ago! I've really been out that long? Well what's wrong with Akito? What do you mean what do I care? Yes I know he beat me up. Yes Motoko, I'm not stupid. I know. Look he's my cousin okay? If your cousin was sick wouldn't you want to know what was going on? You don't have a cousin. That's not the point Motoko!

They wont tell you? Ask Kyo, maybe he'll know. But don't let him in here. Oh, and ask him what he's doing here, okay? What do you mean he's been here everyday for the past two weeks? Doesn't he have something better to be doing? Guess not. Anyway, go ask him okay, this is important. Thanks.

He has a fever. Big deal if he has a fever, I just woke up from a two-week- long coma, it'd be nice if I at least had my doctor here instead Oh don't look so sad, I didn't mean anything personal. I'm sorry Motoko, I'm just really upset right now. I'm in a lot of pain, I can't help being a jerk when I'm in pain...maybe I understand Akito a bit better now. Huh.

Wait what? His fever's what? 106 degrees and what? Rising? You've got to speak more clearly. Okay that's bad. That's very bad. Is he going to die? I don't want him to die because that would really, really suck. You don't know. Could you ask the nurse? She doesn't know. God I hope Hatori gets here soon so he can tell me what's going on. I hope he doesn't die.

No, he doesn't deserve to die. You're crazy. Look Motoko, please. Just go on home. No, I'm not going to tell you what happened. He beat me up okay, that's all you need to know. Why do you have to be so nosy, what does it matter to you?

I'm sorry Motoko, but I don't feel the same way about you.

Tohru-kun! Oh Tohru-kun, you're back! I was so worried about you! I thought maybe Akito did something to you while I was unconscious. But you're okay, that's great. I guess you couldn't have sent these beautiful flowers if you weren't. Thank you by the way. They're almost as pretty as you are.

Yes I'm fine. No, there's no pain, don't worry. They gave me a lot of morphine, or something like that anyway. It's...the same stuff Akito gets injected in his arm every day, have you ever seen that? You haven't? Well anyway, he's sort of addicted to it. Yeah, I guess Hatori probably shouldn't give it to him so often, but he really suffers if he doesn't have something. I know it's terrible. See that's what I like about you Tohru, you really care about people. Well that and you're beautiful. Oh, you're welcome.

Your eyes are all red though. Were you crying? You were worried about me? Aw, that's so sweet Tohru! Don't worry, I'm just fine. I'll probably be able to get up in a couple of days. What? Neurological damage? What are you talking about? I'm what? Tohru, I'm not paralyzed, I can move perfectly fine I...I'm not moving, am I? No. That's...bad. Oh dear god. But then wouldn't I not feel anything? That's not fair, I can't move and it hurts? It's supposed to be one or the other!

So okay, he hurt me worse then I thought. I never thought Akito was that strong, I mean when we were little kids it was different, we were more or less the same weight and height, and I hadn't had any training yet...but now I can do martial arts and he's sicker then ever. Okay I guess he does fight dirty. That whole bashing my head against the dresser thing was kind of unfair. No...I couldn't really fight back, I'd have killed him. You know that. And you're right, it is wrong.

Do you have any idea when Hatori's coming in? No? Is he coming in at all today? I guess it all depends on if Akito's fever goes down, doesn't it? They probably forgot about me. I mean he's more important, right? He always is, no one matters as much as the all-mighty Akito-sama. What? I matter more to you? That's sweet Tohru, you matter more to me then anyone in the world.

So um, just for the did you feel about that kiss exactly? Okay I guess it was kind of weird that it was in Akito's room. He wanted to see us, remember? And he was taking an awfully long time in the seemed like the perfect opportunity. I know it was sudden, and for that I'm sorry. I would have just given you a hug but know what happens when I do that. It would have been obvious to Akito unless he stayed in there for another ten minutes.

Look Tohru, I had to do it. I love you. You're the only person I've ever loved, the only person I've ever been able to feel anything for. Well except for Akito, but that was a long time ago. If you haven't noticed I'm somewhat masochistic, which should explain a lot of things to you. No Tohru, I'm not just saying that. I really do love you. Is that okay? I mean, you don't have to say you love me back if you don't, it won't hurt my feelings or anything. I'll be just fine. Wait you do? Since when?

That's wonderful Tohru. I've never been happier in my entire life.

Yes I know I'm paralyzed. What's your point?

Oh Tohru look, there's Hatori! Could you let him in? You can stay here if you want, but I've got to talk to him. Thanks.

So Hatori, long time no see. No don't apologize, I understand. The Sohma Master was ill and obviously that's more important then anything else. No, I'm not being sarcastic. Of course I am! Yes I realize I'm acting like a baby. You should be used to it after dealing with Akito all the time. No he is not more mature then I am, that's a lie and you know it Hatori! How is he by the way? Did his fever go down at all?

It went up. What are you doing here then? And how is he still alive? Wait, it's 105? Wasn't it 106 before? Oh it went down and then went up. So he's still better then he was when I heard about it. What's wrong with him anyway? Pneumonia eh? Oh wow, I feel for him. Pneumonia's a bitch to get rid of, especially since it's well, you know, him. Yes Tohru-kun, I did have pneumonia once. When I was eight. No don't apologize, it's not your fault.

Anyway Hatori, do you think he's going to be alright? No I don't want to know about me yet, just tell me about Akito. Is he in the hospital? No?! Why not if he has pneumonia? Do you understand how sick that makes him? I can't believe you're so...god Hatori, I thought you were a better doctor then that. No, you can't take care of him at home, he has pneumonia! What? Well why wont he let you admit him? What's his problem?

Oh you're not going to tell me. I think I know more about him then any of you clowns, the least you could do is tell me what's going on. No I don't care about me, I'm asking you about him. No, Tohru, I have to find out about Akito first. Look, if I'm paralyzed I'll deal with it later, I don't care. This is more important.

You're not going to tell me anything else until I listen to you. Oh thanks a lot Hatori. Fine. Talk away. What's wrong with me, exactly?

Mm hm. Alright. Yep. Can we get back to the subject of Akito please? Yes I am listening. I'm from paralyzed the shoulders down because Akito bashed me in the head so many times that my brain's damaged, and I'm lucky not to be a drooling idiot. Yes I know it was stupid to kiss Tohru right in front of him, but I didn't see him at first! I thought I'd have more time!

I wasn't mocking him! How was that mocking him? I didn't even mean for him to see it Hatori. No, there was no subconscious wish to hurt him, why should it have hurt him anyway? He loves me. Big deal, so does everybody else. The only one who I care if they love me or not is Tohru. No, I wasn't trying to remind him of how alone he is. He's not alone, don't you and Shigure take turns screwing him every night? You can neither confirm nor deny...what the hell are you talking about? Hatori you're a human being, don't talk like you're a machine.

One question about my condition. Why am I in pain if I'm paralyzed? No, Tohru, it's nothing serious, just a little pain. Hatori can you explain this? I'm what? Not totally paralyzed, the nerves aren't so damaged that they can't transmit distress signals but damaged enough so I can't move. Fun. Couldn't it be the other way around?

Does this mean I'll be able to move again? Maybe? Okay maybe's good. Er...until then how am I going to get around? Can I get a wheelchair or something? Yes, I know they're expensive, but it's either that or I lie around in bed for the rest of my life. I don't really want to do that. You can't want that either Hatori, you already have one semi-invalid to deal with, do you really want a full-fledged one? No? I thought not.

Anyway Hatori, thanks for coming in. You'd probably better get back to Akito...tell him I hope he feels better soon.

No, I'm not forgetting what he did to me. I'm not the only person he's ever hurt Hatori, he blinded you and made Kana go crazy, I'm sure you remember that. Yes I know this isn't about you. But I don't want to be self-centered Hatori. Look I don't think Akito can control himself. I think he's psychotic. You can't blame him if he's crazy, right?

I just don't want to blame him. I need to be responsible for my own life, okay? No it hasn't been ruined. You said I might be able to move again, right? Everything's going to be okay.

No Hatori, they didn't give me too much medication, and I don't appreciate you indicating that I'm delusional. Especially in front of Tohru!

Hello Akito. What? Oh, it's been about three weeks since I woke up. Yes, it is nice to be out of the hospital. I know you're sorry, it's okay. Stop crying, Akito-sama, please stop. Why can't I call you that, isn't that what I'm supposed to call you? What should I call you then? Shitbag? Akito that's no good. You're not...Akito stop it. I know you didn't mean it.

Why are you still crying? You haven't done anything wrong. It was just a little beating, no worse then anything else you've ever done. Okay, the dresser thing...I have to admit I didn't like that very much. But you had every right, I made you angry and I deserved... I what? No, Tohru and I don't deserve to be happy together. If no one else in the family deserves that kind of happiness then why should I? I'm not special.

They all do? Akito, I don't get it. If they all deserve to be happy, then why do you take away every chance of happiness they get? Why did you beat up Kisa and throw that vase at Hatori? You destroy everything beautiful that comes into their lives, so why should you make an exception for me?

Oh, now you're crying harder. Look I'm sorry okay? Please don't cry, please don't. You have no idea how much that hurts me.

So listen, let's not talk about this, okay? I'm actually getting some movement back. I can move my left foot. Hatori says I'll probably have full motion again within six months or maybe a year. I'm fine. So, let's talk about you instead. How are you? Hatori told me you were sick. Are you feeling better now? I was worried about you, I hope you're feeling better. A little? That's good. Did you have pneumonia? Oh, well I'm glad you're back on your feet anyway.

Akito, no, I don't want to talk about that. The paralysis isn't permanent so it doesn't matter. I forgive you, okay? Are you alright now? Look I really don't care. The pain is going away, it's no big deal. They give me morphine, lot's of it so you don't have to worry. No, I'm not getting addicted.

It's okay, I swear to god it's okay. No I don't think that you should kill yourself. I don't think you can get Hatori to give you a lethal injection, not even if you ask nice. Please stop don't feel well? I'm sorry, do you want to go home? If I could move I'd call Hatori for you...why don't you do it? You want to stay here? Okay. Yes I'll let you stay the night with me. Yes...of course Akito. Of course I love you.

Everything's going to be okay.

Tohru! Hey beautiful, how was work? Kyo's been picking you up, right? I don't want you walking around late at night by yourself, it's not safe. He is? Okay, good.

Hey Tohru, let me ask you something. I let Akito stay with me last, don't look at me like that, nothing happened. I can't move remember? And besides, I love you, why would I cheat on you for...oh you meant did he hurt me. No, no I'm fine. He was feeling pretty bad about what he did, actually. He was crying...I think he's okay, though, not to worry.

You're right, I'm not actually asking you anything. Let me make my point.

Should I be forgiving him so easily? He hurt me pretty badly, and there are times when I just...hate him, so much. I can't move now, that's pretty bad. He's done this countless times before. Yes, I know the whole 'forgive and forget' adage, and I know that's probably for the best, but does he deserve it? He's letting us stay together without interference. It seems like he really just wants me to be happy. I guess he just lost his temper since I meant so much to him when we were kids and I...I suppose I was betraying him, in a way. Even though he's the one who drove me away.

I know he was crying. Should the fact that he regrets it allow me to forgive him? I can probably let go of whatever grudge I may have, I'll be better soon and I still get to be with you. Things aren't so bad. Heh, I guess your perennial optimism is rubbing off on me, eh Tohru? That's probably a good thing. Anyway I'm not really sure. I want to let this go but I don't know if he deserves it. I told him I forgave him because he was crying, but...

What's that? You think I should stick to what I said? What if he does this again though? Tohru, he scares me, I really think he's psychotic. What? He can't be psychotic because he feels guilt about what he's done? Psychotics don't? Oh, I guess that would make sense, considering all the psycho killers running around. You can't have much of a conscience and still do that. Yes I know they're not all crazy. I don't mean all of them, I just mean the psychotics like you said...oh whatever. Never mind. Anyway I'm really scared, but I'm so sick of being abused by him! It sucks because I could so easily knock him out...okay once I'm not paralyzed anymore. Good point. Once I'm recovered I could kill him just like that, but I can't lay a hand on him. He's the family head and I'm scared of what might happen when he's gone.

Yes Tohru, I do love him. Not the way I love you, he's my cousin. But no matter what he does my feelings for him won't change. I love him and I feel sorry for him, so I can't really stay mad. No matter how much he deserves being beaten as badly as I was, his own guilt will punish him. I don't want him hurting more then he already is.

I'm not really such a good person as you keep saying. I just can't bring myself to make him cry, that's all.

Rei: Well that Yet another venture into my obsession with forgiving someone for doing something atrocious. A good portion of my writing focuses on this. I hope you liked, please press the pretty little review button, thanks!