Title- The Green Eye of Jealousy
Authors Notes- I've been stewing over these thoughts for some time and I've finally decided to type them up because of my lack of better things to do. This will be slightly dramatic and not so funny so you shouldn't be expecting anything of the like. So, knowing this, proceed with the knowledge that I've warned you and remember: Every author looks forward to a good, critical review from their readers!
Summary -Misty discusses her views on many things including Ash, May, the others, and her own emotions. Misty's POV. Slightly angsty.
Disclaimer- I do not own Pokemon. I do not own Misty OR her POV. I do not own all that is Pokeshipping. Frankly, I couldn't be more miserable.
Warning- Contains seemingly one-sided Pokeshipping, reference to non-Advanceshipping, an angsty type profile, and the conflicting emotions of a teenage girl.
I've been back for barely two weeks.
I wasn't planning on staying, really, but I couldn't just leave while she was there.
The one with the red bandanna and the phanny-pack. The one with the sparkling blue eyes and beautiful auburn hair.
The one that they called May.
I suppose that I'm looking on the obscenely bright side of things, considering.
After all, there are many aspects that I haven't highlighted about her yet. The fact that she can't remember for the life of her what Pokemon techniques her own Pokemon have. The little thought that, unlike me, she never really wanted to train at all. The thought that she was so uncomprehendingly like my sisters. She was the girl in a financial and unexplainable rut who needed a way to get what she wanted.
And that rut was mowed away by Ash.
She wanted to visit the different countries of the world. She wanted to get away from the life as a Hoenn gym leaders daughter. She wanted to travel, get to know people, and become famous as something other than a Pokemon Master.
And that's what's so hard for me to understand.
But let me clear the heads who might be misreading what I'm getting at: In no way, whatsoever, are she and Ash romantically involved.
That's not the huge, heart-breaking, tear-jerking realization I've been leading up to.
Unbelievably so, he and she are not attracted to each other. You must be finding this so easy to get around.
But I'm not.
Why was she not affected by him? She's not strong! She should have fallen just as hard as I have! I mean, they converse the same ways we used to, they work the same ways we used to, Ash treats her the same way he treated me and her responses are clearly as similar to my own as they can possibly get.
So why has she not given into temptation and let those... Commonly felt emotions that I have to live through... Take over?
I wouldn't be looking forward to competition or anything; that has nothing to do with it. I'm just finding it so hard to understand the point that she isn't falling for him. Unless...
... I am the weak one. Am I?
I try so hard to be the only one who sees through the traps, who concentrates on things other than beauty pageants and hair care and make-up. The "strong" one, the "invincible" one... But, if I'm so strong, why am I the one whose fallen into the ranges of like and love with Ash while she struts around as though going about daily business and not caring about him as anything more than a friend?
I can't stand the fact that I can't help but feel the way I do while she works their relationship around her finger.
I can't stand the fact that I'm forced to fend off the urge to blush, to admit to him face to face how I feel while she just sits there knowingly and doesn't interfere because she doesn't want him just as much as I do.
I can't stand the fact that I'm jealous of their relationship while she holds up those invisible, impenetrable bars in order to keep herself from falling.
I just can't stand the fact that I'm jealous of nothing.
I'm jealous that she can be around him and not fear that twisting, writhing stomaching feeling. I'm jealous that she can see him stuffing his face and ridicule him about it without thinking of how cute he looks with that bit of mayonnaise on his cheek. I'm jealous that she doesn't have to travel with him, sneaking peeks and harboring a secret that she feels she can never tell.
How do I say... That I am jealous of the same type of friendship I once had with him? The one that I can never have again?
I feel like laughing for some ironic reason. The most disgusting situation I've been forced to handle in my life so far... And I feel like laughing out loud about it. I guess that it's because I feel highly unlike myself.
I feel quiet... I feel demure... I feel nervous... I feel defeated... I feel hopeless... I feel docile... I feel...
There's really no other way to describe the welling lump in my throat or the hotness in my chest. I just know that I'm the cause of the ever-enlarging gap between us. I know that I'm the cause of our increasing silence every time we lack a conversation topic. I know that I'm the cause for his uneasiness that he may have done something wrong, making me unable to interact with him and the others.
I know that I'm the cause for these feelings that make me feel heavy and light at the same time, these feelings that make me aware of every little thing he does, these feelings that separate me from everyone else he's ever known.
These feelings that have led to a jealousy towards nothing.
I warned myself. How could I have not heeded my own intuitions? I told myself not to think of him that way, to stop thinking all-together if that's what it came down to. I never knew that it was such an inevitable thing.
I didn't ask for this! So why do I have to deal with it?! I didn't want to be treated as a friend by this boy who I wanted nothing more than to hear sweet, loving things from! I didn't want to be seen as indifferent to his other companions, the same as those "other girls"! I wanted to be seen as me, Misty Waterflower, the one and only and proud and... And not a tag-along, red-headed pipsqueak, scrawny nothingness trainer without a clue. I wanted to be different to him; something more!
I wanted to be above his dreams...
But all I'll ever be seen as is the fourth, un-sensational sister, the fourteen year old red-head with no sense of style and no anger management.
I'll always be Misty, the tomboyish individual incapable of being cared for by the opposite gender. The one unable to get a boyfriend. The one completely overlooked and romantically ignored by Ashton Ketchum.
Authors Note: Okay, seriously, I will never truly believe that I've written this. I wasn't considering writing so much into the Ash/May relationship but, well, these are my own thoughts on Advanceshipping: I hate that some idiotic fool tried to create something between the two just because she ended up following him. There. Is. No. Proof. That. May. Cares. For. Ash. In. That. Way.
She is not Misty.
I rest my case.
It makes a good plot to create some competition between the two but, in real life (er... cartoon), it'll never happen.
Now: REVIEWS PLEASE!
Post Statements: This is a one-shot. Please, people, don't be asking for another "chapter" or a sequel cause I don't plan on making one.
Thanks for listening.
--Chibi/Warlordess ending transmission.